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Shouldn't it be "had he looked."? Also the second rendition makes doesn't include what the rest of the joggers are doing, yet the first one does. Not sure if in
by peach45 6y ago
Shouldn't it be "had he looked."? Also the second rendition makes doesn't include what the rest of the joggers are doing, yet the first one does. Not sure if intentional.
At first I gasped at your practice, because I never do that, but I see the point now. Mastery of language.
- jonnycomputer 6y agoYes, I had a typo. I was editing in place, and then decided that I had made some poor choices and needed to start over. I didn't bother to fix the typo. Yes, there is a shift in point of view between the two versions. But the story is mostly written in third-person limited, and so my first version deviated from that. But I rewrite everything every time I read it, so who knows what will happen tomorrow.
- trashme 6y ago> Also the second rendition makes doesn't include what the rest of the joggers are doing ... Something is amiss here.
- peach45 6y agoKarma/backlash for my rude post. I will leave it unedited, but s/makes// in case it is not clear.
- jonnycomputer 6y agoI didn't take it as rude. Should I have?