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I said the phrase "I want to cancel cable but keep internet" 23 times to a Time Warner retention specialist then their supervisor, and I may have talked to her

I said the phrase "I want to cancel cable but keep internet" 23 times to a Time Warner retention specialist then their supervisor, and I may have talked to her supervisor, too. They get paid to ignore you and read back canned responses like "but what about your favorite channels?", "what about watching sports?", etc. It was the first time my girlfriend had ever seen me angry.

walrus01 6y ago
If you ever need to cancel comcast, time warner or similar entirely and quickly, just tell them you're going to prison. No joke, it works.
- smachiz 6y ago
  "I'm going to prison, but I'd like to keep my internet"
  - walrus01 6y ago
    Note the part about 'entirely'
  - walrus01 6y ago
    Alexa, search for very small android phones suitable for the prison wallet.
    - iSnow 6y ago
      Like the Jelly Pro? :)
- iammiles 6y ago
  I told AT&T I was moving out of the country. The very valiant retention specialist still offered a discount on text messages for a year.
  - em-bee 6y ago
    what about moving to a cabin in the mountains, or actually just find a city where this ISP is not available?
    - HenryBemis 6y ago
      The good old Walden story :)
  - dahdum 6y ago
    That’s my go to for every cancellation, it’s better for the reps because they can log the reason as something unsalvageable.
- justinclift 6y ago
  Hopefully that bit of info doesn't get recorded into some system somewhere, and eventually make it out to other companies databases. If it doesn't, trying to repair that damage could be an exercise in futility. :/
- softgrow 6y ago
  That seems really good advice. Next time I try to cancel my NYT subscription, I'll try that. I managed to do it entirely by email, but took 3 emails back and forth. Then in all the excitement of the 2020 US presidential election I subscribed again ... so the cycle will repeat. P.S. there probably going to get a lot of people "going to prison" in the future so the scripts will include questions to out the fakers, who want to cancel without trouble.
- collinmanderson 6y ago
  Honestly, telling Comcast you've already switched to a new provider is the best way to cancel quickly. > Me to retention person: Hi, I just switched to AT&T Fiber and I'm up and running, so I want to get rid of my Comcast internet. > Rentention person: Is this the sort of sitation where you would move your Comcast internet to a new location? > Me: No. > Rentention person: Ohh, well in that case, I'll go ahead and cancel you're account. Ok done now. Literally a 4 minute phone call including automated prompts.
sliken 6y ago
Heh, comcast says the same thing. I was snookered into accepting a improved internet plan with "free HBO". Which after a few months added TV broadcast fee, and substantial other costs. I tried to move back and they literally said the are not an ISP and will not sell me an internet only plan. I had to cancel the plan and have my "roommate" (actually my wife), start as a new customer to get an internet only plan.
- byecomputer 6y ago
  That's so scummy (but also kind of funny, just the sheer audacity of Comcast). Honestly, I feel like that's so bald-faced and abusive on Comcast's part that the regulators might be interested in your story
jabberwcky 6y ago
The worst experience I had with this involved 4 customer service representatives simply hanging up (after a 30+ minute wait) after exhausting their script. I simply recorded the final call, stopping paying the bill, and sent the documentation I had to the credit reference agency when the contract went into default At some point they sent a debt collection agency, that was much less stressful than it sounds. They called me up, "you owe $telco money", "No I don't", "oh?", "Yes, I have complete documentation of cancelling it, but their CS reps kept hanging up. Sorry, you've been had.", "Oh, this again. Sorry to have bothered you.", never heard from the debt collection agency again.
- baybal2 6y ago
  I had a funny episode with TD when I was closing the bank account when I was leaving Canada for good. Very hard to close the account, even in person. My point was to make sure that there is no recurring payments left on the account. Similar bullshit. You ask to close the account, and they keep asking you back with a square face. In the end, a year after I left Canada, I get a call from collectors saying that they have $600+ debt+penalties+interest on my allegedly closed credit card from a service the bank added itself, and that they set my credit score to zero. Then I found that TD subscribed me on some bullshit "credit alert" right in the month when I asked for account closure. An immediate WTF was how in the world my credit card was still active. In than latter came out that TD does not let people really close their CC accounts, only "stop them," which only amounts to just hiding you CC from web UI, and that you need specifically say that you want to "really close" the account, which I did. So, next time, if will ever set my foot in the country, I will need to ask them to "really, really, really close my account"
  - justinclift 6y ago
    Errr, what's "TD"?
    - gfaure 6y ago
      A Canadian bank: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/TD_Canada_Trust https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/TD_Canada_Trust
function_seven 6y ago
I have a similar story with Spectrum/Charter. I already had them for Internet access, but had DirecTV at the time for my TV. They must have a quarterly quota to upsell to their subscriber base, so I'd get a call like clockwork every three months, pushing a cable TV package. Each time I'd tell them that the only reason I'm with DirecTV is because of Sunday Ticket (NFL package; exclusive to DTV). That always worked, until one day. This sales rep responds with, "We have Redzone". I reply that it's not the same, and I really need the package I have with DTV. Then he says, "You know there are websites that stream all the games for free, right? Why not do that?" Yeah, basically telling me to pirate the games. ... "That's a good point! Hell, I don't need any TV service at all then, right?"
shuckles 6y ago
There is this legendary Comcast cancellation recording you can commiserate with: https://soundcloud.com/ryan-block-10/comcastic-service https://soundcloud.com/ryan-block-10/comcastic-service
lostcolony 6y ago
The one downside to cable now streaming, is that the answer I used in the past "I don't have a TV" no longer shuts them up. It used to be amazing; it seemingly broke their brains. The two, three times I had to use it, the rep fell silent for a solid 3-4 seconds, then "You...don't have a TV?" "That's right" "...okay, so that's just internet then" "Yes".
- wernercd 6y ago
  We have comcast and finally removed "tv" because the pricing changed from internet+tv = internet prices... to internet + tv = more. The answer? was a streaming box. I expect to see a monthly rental fee for the streaming box...
rajup 6y ago
I've used "I'm moving out of the country" with great success.
danielscrubs 6y ago
There is no part of the government you can complain to, to put them on a shit list? Over here it’s called: The National Board for Consumer Disputes. It keeps companies in line.
- paultopia 6y ago
  Hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha let me tell you about a place called America, where everyone is "free" from regulation, so long as you own a company ...
crowf 6y ago
times like this I imagine a cancellation service. Imagine paying $X to some Indian company that calls them and whenever they offer alternatives they just respond that they are not authorized to do that. Bonus if they have a think Indian accent that makes it somewhat hard to understand. The only disadvantage is that you would probably have to give that company your billing information for that to work.
- colejohnson66 6y ago
  We can also imagine that Indian company you contract to also has a contract with your ISP. So one person is arguing with their coworker over canceling a plan, but they don’t know it. Like when cops go undercover on stings and end up attempting to arrest another cop on a different sting. Yes, that happens sometimes.
paultopia 6y ago
LOL, cable companies are the worst. I got Mediacom to cancel my non-working service and refund my money, but only after sending a completely deranged demand letter to them[1], copying their general counsel. And you know they googled me and found that I could back my threats before they did it. [1] https://gowder.io/pgmediacom.pdf https://gowder.io/pgmediacom.pdf

walrus01 6y ago

If you ever need to cancel comcast, time warner or similar entirely and quickly, just tell them you're going to prison. No joke, it works.

smachiz 6y ago
"I'm going to prison, but I'd like to keep my internet"
- walrus01 6y ago
  Note the part about 'entirely'
- walrus01 6y ago
  Alexa, search for very small android phones suitable for the prison wallet.
  - iSnow 6y ago
    Like the Jelly Pro? :)
iammiles 6y ago
I told AT&T I was moving out of the country. The very valiant retention specialist still offered a discount on text messages for a year.
- em-bee 6y ago
  what about moving to a cabin in the mountains, or actually just find a city where this ISP is not available?
  - HenryBemis 6y ago
    The good old Walden story :)
- dahdum 6y ago
  That’s my go to for every cancellation, it’s better for the reps because they can log the reason as something unsalvageable.
justinclift 6y ago
Hopefully that bit of info doesn't get recorded into some system somewhere, and eventually make it out to other companies databases. If it doesn't, trying to repair that damage could be an exercise in futility. :/
softgrow 6y ago
That seems really good advice. Next time I try to cancel my NYT subscription, I'll try that. I managed to do it entirely by email, but took 3 emails back and forth. Then in all the excitement of the 2020 US presidential election I subscribed again ... so the cycle will repeat. P.S. there probably going to get a lot of people "going to prison" in the future so the scripts will include questions to out the fakers, who want to cancel without trouble.
collinmanderson 6y ago
Honestly, telling Comcast you've already switched to a new provider is the best way to cancel quickly. > Me to retention person: Hi, I just switched to AT&T Fiber and I'm up and running, so I want to get rid of my Comcast internet. > Rentention person: Is this the sort of sitation where you would move your Comcast internet to a new location? > Me: No. > Rentention person: Ohh, well in that case, I'll go ahead and cancel you're account. Ok done now. Literally a 4 minute phone call including automated prompts.

sliken 6y ago

Heh, comcast says the same thing. I was snookered into accepting a improved internet plan with "free HBO". Which after a few months added TV broadcast fee, and substantial other costs. I tried to move back and they literally said the are not an ISP and will not sell me an internet only plan. I had to cancel the plan and have my "roommate" (actually my wife), start as a new customer to get an internet only plan.

byecomputer 6y ago
That's so scummy (but also kind of funny, just the sheer audacity of Comcast). Honestly, I feel like that's so bald-faced and abusive on Comcast's part that the regulators might be interested in your story

jabberwcky 6y ago

The worst experience I had with this involved 4 customer service representatives simply hanging up (after a 30+ minute wait) after exhausting their script. I simply recorded the final call, stopping paying the bill, and sent the documentation I had to the credit reference agency when the contract went into default At some point they sent a debt collection agency, that was much less stressful than it sounds. They called me up, "you owe $telco money", "No I don't", "oh?", "Yes, I have complete documentation of cancelling it, but their CS reps kept hanging up. Sorry, you've been had.", "Oh, this again. Sorry to have bothered you.", never heard from the debt collection agency again.

baybal2 6y ago
I had a funny episode with TD when I was closing the bank account when I was leaving Canada for good. Very hard to close the account, even in person. My point was to make sure that there is no recurring payments left on the account. Similar bullshit. You ask to close the account, and they keep asking you back with a square face. In the end, a year after I left Canada, I get a call from collectors saying that they have $600+ debt+penalties+interest on my allegedly closed credit card from a service the bank added itself, and that they set my credit score to zero. Then I found that TD subscribed me on some bullshit "credit alert" right in the month when I asked for account closure. An immediate WTF was how in the world my credit card was still active. In than latter came out that TD does not let people really close their CC accounts, only "stop them," which only amounts to just hiding you CC from web UI, and that you need specifically say that you want to "really close" the account, which I did. So, next time, if will ever set my foot in the country, I will need to ask them to "really, really, really close my account"
- justinclift 6y ago
  Errr, what's "TD"?
  - gfaure 6y ago
    A Canadian bank: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/TD_Canada_Trust https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/TD_Canada_Trust

function_seven 6y ago

I have a similar story with Spectrum/Charter. I already had them for Internet access, but had DirecTV at the time for my TV. They must have a quarterly quota to upsell to their subscriber base, so I'd get a call like clockwork every three months, pushing a cable TV package. Each time I'd tell them that the only reason I'm with DirecTV is because of Sunday Ticket (NFL package; exclusive to DTV). That always worked, until one day. This sales rep responds with, "We have Redzone". I reply that it's not the same, and I really need the package I have with DTV. Then he says, "You know there are websites that stream all the games for free, right? Why not do that?" Yeah, basically telling me to pirate the games. ... "That's a good point! Hell, I don't need any TV service at all then, right?"

shuckles 6y ago

There is this legendary Comcast cancellation recording you can commiserate with: https://soundcloud.com/ryan-block-10/comcastic-service https://soundcloud.com/ryan-block-10/comcastic-service

lostcolony 6y ago

The one downside to cable now streaming, is that the answer I used in the past "I don't have a TV" no longer shuts them up. It used to be amazing; it seemingly broke their brains. The two, three times I had to use it, the rep fell silent for a solid 3-4 seconds, then "You...don't have a TV?" "That's right" "...okay, so that's just internet then" "Yes".

wernercd 6y ago
We have comcast and finally removed "tv" because the pricing changed from internet+tv = internet prices... to internet + tv = more. The answer? was a streaming box. I expect to see a monthly rental fee for the streaming box...

rajup 6y ago

I've used "I'm moving out of the country" with great success.

danielscrubs 6y ago

There is no part of the government you can complain to, to put them on a shit list? Over here it’s called: The National Board for Consumer Disputes. It keeps companies in line.

paultopia 6y ago
Hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha let me tell you about a place called America, where everyone is "free" from regulation, so long as you own a company ...

crowf 6y ago

times like this I imagine a cancellation service. Imagine paying $X to some Indian company that calls them and whenever they offer alternatives they just respond that they are not authorized to do that. Bonus if they have a think Indian accent that makes it somewhat hard to understand. The only disadvantage is that you would probably have to give that company your billing information for that to work.

colejohnson66 6y ago
We can also imagine that Indian company you contract to also has a contract with your ISP. So one person is arguing with their coworker over canceling a plan, but they don’t know it. Like when cops go undercover on stings and end up attempting to arrest another cop on a different sting. Yes, that happens sometimes.

paultopia 6y ago

LOL, cable companies are the worst. I got Mediacom to cancel my non-working service and refund my money, but only after sending a completely deranged demand letter to them[1], copying their general counsel. And you know they googled me and found that I could back my threats before they did it. [1] https://gowder.io/pgmediacom.pdf https://gowder.io/pgmediacom.pdf