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> My partner unfortunately will break out in hives and immediately becomes congested. normalize_relation(OP.MIL, OP.partner) == partner.mother Right? So, you

> My partner unfortunately will break out in hives and immediately becomes congested. normalize_relation(OP.MIL, OP.partner) == partner.mother Right? So, your partner's mom uses products that she knows will cause an allergic reaction to her kid. Kid asks not to use said products for fear of allergic reaction. Kid enters mom's abode. Kid has immediate allergic reaction. So I have to ask-- what is your MIL's reaction to clearly causing her kid to predictably suffer every time you visit? I also have to ask-- why do you two keep visiting?

tigen 6y ago
Eh, old people can be weird and stubborn. (Or people in general.) Some don't really believe in something and might even be having early stage dementia (i.e. memory loss). My own mother had a dismissive attitude towards dietary intolerances and even basic hygiene sometimes.
- cptskippy 6y ago
  Some are just assholes. My aunt told a vegetarian once that she'd get some color back once she started eating meat again.
  - Cullinet 6y ago
    I'm keeping the closest watch that I can on this age and being a default assehole gig that I have heard all my life and am guilty of using myself to blank out some of my parents behaviour that was beyond salvation. I'm 50 now and looking for the SMaaS app I need the Shoot Me aaS when I default to asshole cos of age app is desperately needed in society.
    - ficklepickle 6y ago
      That reminds me, a friend and I made a pact when we were teens. Hopefully he doesn't remember.
- randycupertino 6y ago
  In my experience with working with many elderly patients, a lot of them are self-conscious of having "old person smell" so attempt to mask that with perfume/cologne. It's also harder for them to bathe and reach all the nooks and crannies so sometimes hygiene deteriorates. One of the strongest smells in a nursing home isn't unchanged diapers it is that staph infection festering under a neglected old lady's underbreast area. Very infrequently checked due to modesty issues and caregivers trying not to offend and respect her decency but it does have to be monitored and checked routinely because that skin area stays moist and chafes against the folds and I've seen too many elderly women in severe pain from their bra straps chaffing the skin off here and getting infected. Men of hackernews, check your elderly mothers underbreast area and make sure her caregivers are routinely keeping it clean and dry!! This comment brought to you by a very sweet, very neglected old lady who we took out of a pretty bad situation in a care home and I will never forget that smell and the shame and plea for help in her eyes as I assessed what exactly was the source of her various ailments. And she was nonverbal so couldn't complain nobody was doing their damn jobs.
cptskippy 6y ago
In her defense, she has toned it down considerably. She thinks however that the amount she still uses is so trace that it's undetectable, possibly because she's fried her sense of smell. She also has anxiety issues about not adhering to social expectations, like she can't arrive empty handed or will spend all day cleaning and then apologize for a "filthy" home that's cleaner than a laboratory clean room. So it's a struggle for her to hold back. My partner is quite literally allergic to everything so it's a damned if you do, damned if you don't situation a lot of times.
- wizzard 6y ago
  > home that's cleaner than a laboratory clean room > My partner is quite literally allergic to everything ... and now research is showing those two statements may be cause and effect to some degree, ironically. I asked my mom to switch to unscented fabric softener and it took MONTHS for her clothes to stop smelling like being punched in the face with a bouquet. It's amazing how desensitized people are, and how long it takes those fragrances to dissipate.
  - cptskippy 6y ago
    > I asked my mom to switch to unscented fabric softener and it took MONTHS for her clothes to stop smelling like being punched in the face with a bouquet. Yes! It's amazing how the smell persists subsequent washes.
    - forgotmypw17 6y ago
      The molecules are quite resilient compared to anything we consider "biodegradeable", which means they also persist when in our bodies.

tigen 6y ago

Eh, old people can be weird and stubborn. (Or people in general.) Some don't really believe in something and might even be having early stage dementia (i.e. memory loss). My own mother had a dismissive attitude towards dietary intolerances and even basic hygiene sometimes.

cptskippy 6y ago
Some are just assholes. My aunt told a vegetarian once that she'd get some color back once she started eating meat again.
- Cullinet 6y ago
  I'm keeping the closest watch that I can on this age and being a default assehole gig that I have heard all my life and am guilty of using myself to blank out some of my parents behaviour that was beyond salvation. I'm 50 now and looking for the SMaaS app I need the Shoot Me aaS when I default to asshole cos of age app is desperately needed in society.
  - ficklepickle 6y ago
    That reminds me, a friend and I made a pact when we were teens. Hopefully he doesn't remember.
randycupertino 6y ago
In my experience with working with many elderly patients, a lot of them are self-conscious of having "old person smell" so attempt to mask that with perfume/cologne. It's also harder for them to bathe and reach all the nooks and crannies so sometimes hygiene deteriorates. One of the strongest smells in a nursing home isn't unchanged diapers it is that staph infection festering under a neglected old lady's underbreast area. Very infrequently checked due to modesty issues and caregivers trying not to offend and respect her decency but it does have to be monitored and checked routinely because that skin area stays moist and chafes against the folds and I've seen too many elderly women in severe pain from their bra straps chaffing the skin off here and getting infected. Men of hackernews, check your elderly mothers underbreast area and make sure her caregivers are routinely keeping it clean and dry!! This comment brought to you by a very sweet, very neglected old lady who we took out of a pretty bad situation in a care home and I will never forget that smell and the shame and plea for help in her eyes as I assessed what exactly was the source of her various ailments. And she was nonverbal so couldn't complain nobody was doing their damn jobs.

cptskippy 6y ago

In her defense, she has toned it down considerably. She thinks however that the amount she still uses is so trace that it's undetectable, possibly because she's fried her sense of smell. She also has anxiety issues about not adhering to social expectations, like she can't arrive empty handed or will spend all day cleaning and then apologize for a "filthy" home that's cleaner than a laboratory clean room. So it's a struggle for her to hold back. My partner is quite literally allergic to everything so it's a damned if you do, damned if you don't situation a lot of times.

wizzard 6y ago
> home that's cleaner than a laboratory clean room > My partner is quite literally allergic to everything ... and now research is showing those two statements may be cause and effect to some degree, ironically. I asked my mom to switch to unscented fabric softener and it took MONTHS for her clothes to stop smelling like being punched in the face with a bouquet. It's amazing how desensitized people are, and how long it takes those fragrances to dissipate.
- cptskippy 6y ago
  > I asked my mom to switch to unscented fabric softener and it took MONTHS for her clothes to stop smelling like being punched in the face with a bouquet. Yes! It's amazing how the smell persists subsequent washes.
  - forgotmypw17 6y ago
    The molecules are quite resilient compared to anything we consider "biodegradeable", which means they also persist when in our bodies.