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One of the early realizations I had as a parent (more-so after my second) was that it's wrong to assume that I have the authority to "make sure" my kids like so

by jrsdav 6y ago

One of the early realizations I had as a parent (more-so after my second) was that it's wrong to assume that I have the authority to "make sure" my kids like something. They are their own person from day one, will like what they like, and I personally feel that you're setting yourself up for a good, healthy, relationship with your child if you accept this early. This doesn't mean I can't _encourage_ things; if my daughter displays an interest in dinosaurs, I will be sure to gently fan the spark. If the spark goes out, no big deal. There will be more interests, and my job is to make sure I'm encouraging an exposure to a wide range of them.

freedomben 6y ago
Exactly. I have 5 kids, and each one is so different. My oldest loves programming, my middle child couldn't care less. They've been exposed similarly. I think it's more nature than nurture personally.
- dudleypippin 6y ago
  As my younger brother told me once, “Remember, the ‘nurture’ you got was different than the ‘nurture’ I got, simply because you were around.” My older kid explicitly declined to pick up a hobby that she seemed to be interested in because, “oh, that’s $YOUNGERSIB’s thing.”
  - renerthr 6y ago
    Some days ago I found a comment here in HN talking exactly about that, how siblings want to differentiate from each other. It would be nice if someone finds an actual research paper that delves into this.
- transreal 6y ago
  My favorite analogy about being a parent is that children are like a tightly furled lotus buds, and our job as parents is to give them the room to unfurl into the unique flowers they are, rather than clay to be molded into whatever form we see fit. Molding them to follow your passions may seem to work initially - kids naturally want to please their parents - and it certainly could happen to align with their personal excellence, but it can also ultimately rob them from developing their own unique talents.
common_crow 6y ago
My friend's youngest is little miss princess. Everything has to be pink and sparkly, and tiaras are the height of fashion. My friend was pretty dismayed at first, because she's quite feminist and has been very careful to raise her daughter with gender neutral toys, media, etc. All her family and friends have taken similar precautions, and if anything, this kid has been raised to see "girly girl" things as quite negative. Ultimately, my friend came to the same conclusion as you--you can only shape your kid so much. For whatever reason, her daughter is just naturally obsessed with being a princess. Genetics probably play a role, plus other far more subtle environmental factors. My friend has embraced her duaghter's interests--after all, feminism is all about letting women chase whatever interests and life paths they want! But we still chuckle at how unlikely it seems for her, of all people, to have a daughter so obsessed with pink.
- JoeAltmaier 6y ago
  A Princess can absolutely be an Astronaut as well. No contradiction at all. It's not about the details; its about the encouragement.
  - judge2020 6y ago
    Mars will need its own queen at some point, so there’s no issue with being both.
  - jaredsohn 6y ago
    Has been done in fiction: https://www.amazon.com/Princess-Astronaut-Vivienne-Kumar/dp/1980568871 https://www.amazon.com/Princess-Astronaut-Vivienne-Kumar/dp/... In reality, the number of astronauts is pretty limited as is the number of princesses so it is just probabilistically unlikely that there is some combination. In fact, I bet the percentage of princess astronauts vs. non-princess astronauts is pretty close.
    - im3w1l 6y ago
      Wouldn't surprise me if a princesses are more likely to become astronauts than an average person. If they really want to go to space they have things to offer in return.
Thorentis 6y ago
Sure, but a child often can't or doesn't know how to discover things that aren't in their immediate environment. A parent's job is not to force them to like particular things, but to expose them to things that they may be interested in. A curator if you will. A curator has a very important job, and the things that are left out can be just as important as the things that are included.

by jrsdav 6y ago

freedomben 6y ago

Exactly. I have 5 kids, and each one is so different. My oldest loves programming, my middle child couldn't care less. They've been exposed similarly. I think it's more nature than nurture personally.

dudleypippin 6y ago
As my younger brother told me once, “Remember, the ‘nurture’ you got was different than the ‘nurture’ I got, simply because you were around.” My older kid explicitly declined to pick up a hobby that she seemed to be interested in because, “oh, that’s $YOUNGERSIB’s thing.”
- renerthr 6y ago
  Some days ago I found a comment here in HN talking exactly about that, how siblings want to differentiate from each other. It would be nice if someone finds an actual research paper that delves into this.
transreal 6y ago
My favorite analogy about being a parent is that children are like a tightly furled lotus buds, and our job as parents is to give them the room to unfurl into the unique flowers they are, rather than clay to be molded into whatever form we see fit. Molding them to follow your passions may seem to work initially - kids naturally want to please their parents - and it certainly could happen to align with their personal excellence, but it can also ultimately rob them from developing their own unique talents.

common_crow 6y ago

My friend's youngest is little miss princess. Everything has to be pink and sparkly, and tiaras are the height of fashion. My friend was pretty dismayed at first, because she's quite feminist and has been very careful to raise her daughter with gender neutral toys, media, etc. All her family and friends have taken similar precautions, and if anything, this kid has been raised to see "girly girl" things as quite negative. Ultimately, my friend came to the same conclusion as you--you can only shape your kid so much. For whatever reason, her daughter is just naturally obsessed with being a princess. Genetics probably play a role, plus other far more subtle environmental factors. My friend has embraced her duaghter's interests--after all, feminism is all about letting women chase whatever interests and life paths they want! But we still chuckle at how unlikely it seems for her, of all people, to have a daughter so obsessed with pink.

JoeAltmaier 6y ago
A Princess can absolutely be an Astronaut as well. No contradiction at all. It's not about the details; its about the encouragement.
- judge2020 6y ago
  Mars will need its own queen at some point, so there’s no issue with being both.
- jaredsohn 6y ago
  Has been done in fiction: https://www.amazon.com/Princess-Astronaut-Vivienne-Kumar/dp/1980568871 https://www.amazon.com/Princess-Astronaut-Vivienne-Kumar/dp/... In reality, the number of astronauts is pretty limited as is the number of princesses so it is just probabilistically unlikely that there is some combination. In fact, I bet the percentage of princess astronauts vs. non-princess astronauts is pretty close.
  - im3w1l 6y ago
    Wouldn't surprise me if a princesses are more likely to become astronauts than an average person. If they really want to go to space they have things to offer in return.

Thorentis 6y ago

Sure, but a child often can't or doesn't know how to discover things that aren't in their immediate environment. A parent's job is not to force them to like particular things, but to expose them to things that they may be interested in. A curator if you will. A curator has a very important job, and the things that are left out can be just as important as the things that are included.