4 ms·

Honest question: what is being gay? Is it physical attraction? Emotional attraction? Both? Is it dislike, fear(?) of opposite sex?

swarnie_ 6y ago
An innate desire to form an atypical pairing in a non-reproductive fashion. Honestly i have no idea but this might be one of the last places left on the internet you can ask a question like this without getting dogpiled. I've batted for both teams in my life and i still can't tell you.
- dleslie 6y ago
  Indeed, sexual attraction is a lot more complicated than "I am attracted to this bimodal extreme of gender."
  - swarnie_ 6y ago
    Agreed, and it isn't a static thing defined at birth by nature, it can change backwards and forwards over a lifetime. Not sure why i'm getting a hard time from our co-commenters. I assumed this place being primarily US and Tech it would be quite liberal.
    - dleslie 6y ago
      Heh, the political spectrum of this place is broad and well-distributed, but the quality of discussion _tends_ to be more respectful than most forums.
    - rectang 6y ago
      I'm quite (socially) liberal and I thought your post was simply wrong, for starters. Among the places you can ask the question "what is being gay" without getting "dogpiled" are countless gay sites. Aren't gay sites part of the internet?
      - snet0 6y ago
        How can a question be wrong?
        rectang 6y ago
        The statement I take issue with is "[...] this might be one of the last places left on the internet you can ask a question like this without getting dogpiled." There are lots of places on the internet where asking honest questions about the gay experience is not scary and will not get you flamed. Indeed, the existence of such venues is crucial to the self-discovery of gay people — especially gay people who live in hostile environments, and who may be in great need of a kind confidant.
- rectang 6y ago
  "What does it mean to be gay?" is a question that gay people ask themselves, especially while forming their identities. So there are many, many places where you can find kind and thoughtful answers to it.
kstrauser 6y ago
When I was in middle school, one day I noticed that this one girl was the most amazing person on the planet and I couldn't stop thinking about her. I imagine being gay would be a lot like that, except it would've been a boy.
TulliusCicero 6y ago
Usually refers to romantic and/or sexual attraction to the same sex. > Is it dislike, fear(?) of opposite sex? Not generally, no, just like most straight people don't dislike members of their own sex.
- klmadfejno 6y ago
  I think a lot of straight people would, however, feel a degree of repulsion towards the idea of kissing and having sex with someone of the their non preferred-sex. A consideration which, due to culturally norms, is probably pushed into the heads of gay people. Anecdotally I think most of my gay friends have commented on how gross vaginas are to them. Add whatever clarifications on fluidity and spectrums that you want....
aardvarkr 6y ago
In the simplest terms, it’s seeing a beautiful naked body of the opposite sex and getting zero sexual pleasure out of it. That’s it. Being gay doesn’t stop you from forming close bonds with the opposite sex just like being straight doesn’t stop you from having best friends of the same sex.
stemlord 6y ago
Both. It is not fear-based. It's the full package when it comes to sexuality and romance.
michae4 6y ago
I would suggest asking yourself "what is being straight?", assuming that you identify as such.
- deleted 6y ago
  [deleted]
- dleslie 6y ago
  It's more like not having a deficiency in perceiving the full spectrum of colours; or having a difference in spectrum deficiency. If you can't see red, then I'm going to have a tough time explaining red to you.
- antattack 6y ago
  I can certainly interpolate my personal experiences but I'm afraid I would miss something. Also, doing so would not explain this: Why some people dress or act similar to opposite sex to appear attractive to someone of the same sex? I mean, voice gestures etc. Hm...I should not said act, it's likely their trait. Anyway, why would someone who is gay be attracted to that person rather than opposite sex. I think sexuality is quite more fluid and calling someone gay does not mean much beyond 'not straight'.
  - deleted 6y ago
    [deleted]
  - nxc18 6y ago
    A lot of the feminine-presenting traits in gay men are just cultural. Drag queens and the like were at the forefront of the gay rights movement early on and there’s some association there. Personally I’m not attracted to feminine-presenting men. If anything I tend to prefer more extremely masculine men than even straight women seem to be interested in. I want to see the secondary sexual characteristic dials turned all the way up to 11. If you go on Scruff rather than e.g. Grindr you tend to see that; Grindr is a little more about gay culture than the other apps. There is some pressure to present as not straight simply because it is extremely convenient when trying to find a partner. If no one can figure out that you’re gay, they’re not going to start a conversation and that’s particularly true when getting it wrong can potentially result in a life threatening altercation. Gay panic is still a legally acceptable reason to murder someone in the United States. https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gay_panic_defense https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gay_panic_defense It can simply be safer to seek partners who paint their finger nails because they’re probably not going to murder you for being a faggot. And ultimately, you’re asking the wrong question when you ask about “why” someone is attracted to anything. “Why” is about conscious reasoning to explain choices, whereas things like attraction are describing the experience of being compelled by your existence to pursue something. I can ask why you’re attracted to the opposite sex, but you can’t come up with a convincing answer because you didn’t choose that, your body did.
implements 6y ago
I assume it’s a physical attraction to members of the same sex, with the emotional dimension developing in the same way as it does between any two individuals in a mated pair.
marc_abonce 6y ago
If this question is strictly about the study in OP and not a broader philosophical question, then it's worth pointing out that the study doesn't actually use the word gay but instead: > In this study, we use the term “same-sex sexual behavior,” which is defined as having ever had sex with someone of the same sex. https://science.sciencemag.org/content/365/6456/eaat7693 https://science.sciencemag.org/content/365/6456/eaat7693

swarnie_ 6y ago

An innate desire to form an atypical pairing in a non-reproductive fashion. Honestly i have no idea but this might be one of the last places left on the internet you can ask a question like this without getting dogpiled. I've batted for both teams in my life and i still can't tell you.

dleslie 6y ago
Indeed, sexual attraction is a lot more complicated than "I am attracted to this bimodal extreme of gender."
- swarnie_ 6y ago
  Agreed, and it isn't a static thing defined at birth by nature, it can change backwards and forwards over a lifetime. Not sure why i'm getting a hard time from our co-commenters. I assumed this place being primarily US and Tech it would be quite liberal.
  - dleslie 6y ago
    Heh, the political spectrum of this place is broad and well-distributed, but the quality of discussion _tends_ to be more respectful than most forums.
  - rectang 6y ago
    I'm quite (socially) liberal and I thought your post was simply wrong, for starters. Among the places you can ask the question "what is being gay" without getting "dogpiled" are countless gay sites. Aren't gay sites part of the internet?
    - snet0 6y ago
      How can a question be wrong?
      - rectang 6y ago
        The statement I take issue with is "[...] this might be one of the last places left on the internet you can ask a question like this without getting dogpiled." There are lots of places on the internet where asking honest questions about the gay experience is not scary and will not get you flamed. Indeed, the existence of such venues is crucial to the self-discovery of gay people — especially gay people who live in hostile environments, and who may be in great need of a kind confidant.
rectang 6y ago
"What does it mean to be gay?" is a question that gay people ask themselves, especially while forming their identities. So there are many, many places where you can find kind and thoughtful answers to it.

kstrauser 6y ago

When I was in middle school, one day I noticed that this one girl was the most amazing person on the planet and I couldn't stop thinking about her. I imagine being gay would be a lot like that, except it would've been a boy.

TulliusCicero 6y ago

Usually refers to romantic and/or sexual attraction to the same sex. > Is it dislike, fear(?) of opposite sex? Not generally, no, just like most straight people don't dislike members of their own sex.

klmadfejno 6y ago
I think a lot of straight people would, however, feel a degree of repulsion towards the idea of kissing and having sex with someone of the their non preferred-sex. A consideration which, due to culturally norms, is probably pushed into the heads of gay people. Anecdotally I think most of my gay friends have commented on how gross vaginas are to them. Add whatever clarifications on fluidity and spectrums that you want....

aardvarkr 6y ago

In the simplest terms, it’s seeing a beautiful naked body of the opposite sex and getting zero sexual pleasure out of it. That’s it. Being gay doesn’t stop you from forming close bonds with the opposite sex just like being straight doesn’t stop you from having best friends of the same sex.

stemlord 6y ago

Both. It is not fear-based. It's the full package when it comes to sexuality and romance.

michae4 6y ago

I would suggest asking yourself "what is being straight?", assuming that you identify as such.

deleted 6y ago
[deleted]
dleslie 6y ago
It's more like not having a deficiency in perceiving the full spectrum of colours; or having a difference in spectrum deficiency. If you can't see red, then I'm going to have a tough time explaining red to you.
antattack 6y ago
I can certainly interpolate my personal experiences but I'm afraid I would miss something. Also, doing so would not explain this: Why some people dress or act similar to opposite sex to appear attractive to someone of the same sex? I mean, voice gestures etc. Hm...I should not said act, it's likely their trait. Anyway, why would someone who is gay be attracted to that person rather than opposite sex. I think sexuality is quite more fluid and calling someone gay does not mean much beyond 'not straight'.
- deleted 6y ago
  [deleted]
- nxc18 6y ago
  A lot of the feminine-presenting traits in gay men are just cultural. Drag queens and the like were at the forefront of the gay rights movement early on and there’s some association there. Personally I’m not attracted to feminine-presenting men. If anything I tend to prefer more extremely masculine men than even straight women seem to be interested in. I want to see the secondary sexual characteristic dials turned all the way up to 11. If you go on Scruff rather than e.g. Grindr you tend to see that; Grindr is a little more about gay culture than the other apps. There is some pressure to present as not straight simply because it is extremely convenient when trying to find a partner. If no one can figure out that you’re gay, they’re not going to start a conversation and that’s particularly true when getting it wrong can potentially result in a life threatening altercation. Gay panic is still a legally acceptable reason to murder someone in the United States. https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gay_panic_defense https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gay_panic_defense It can simply be safer to seek partners who paint their finger nails because they’re probably not going to murder you for being a faggot. And ultimately, you’re asking the wrong question when you ask about “why” someone is attracted to anything. “Why” is about conscious reasoning to explain choices, whereas things like attraction are describing the experience of being compelled by your existence to pursue something. I can ask why you’re attracted to the opposite sex, but you can’t come up with a convincing answer because you didn’t choose that, your body did.

implements 6y ago

I assume it’s a physical attraction to members of the same sex, with the emotional dimension developing in the same way as it does between any two individuals in a mated pair.

marc_abonce 6y ago

If this question is strictly about the study in OP and not a broader philosophical question, then it's worth pointing out that the study doesn't actually use the word gay but instead: > In this study, we use the term “same-sex sexual behavior,” which is defined as having ever had sex with someone of the same sex. https://science.sciencemag.org/content/365/6456/eaat7693 https://science.sciencemag.org/content/365/6456/eaat7693