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Yes, it's shocking how our "family" court system works. It seems designed to generate maximum pain, maximum billable hours, even if the parents start out being

Yes, it's shocking how our "family" court system works. It seems designed to generate maximum pain, maximum billable hours, even if the parents start out being reasonable, if an attorney whispers enough poison, and the parents listen, then the fight will go on and on, at least until you can't afford the retainer. I'm not sure how real the risk of losing all contact with your kids is, however that threat is the only weapon some attorneys know how to use, and it can be incredibly difficult to a) keep your head, remember her attorney has no authority over you and every motivation to put you on tilt, and b) endure the injustices. especially with young children, even week-long absences are painful, and it will put you on tilt. A month, or 3 months, is a lifetime, and it will reduce you to a puddle of tears, and you'll have to learn how to reconstitute yourself, like Dr. Manhattan from Watchmen. This is why I strongly recommend against marriage until the divorce industry is reformed to provide harsh penalties to any actors (attorneys or parents) that use time-sharing as a tool of torture to extract legal agreements. I would also harshly penalize shunning, and "pile on" behavior that parents friends and family might indulge in, but that's a little harder to control.

caturopath 6y ago
You can forego family court and settle through mediation if you want. In my experience, the core driver of friction as usually seemed to be that the parties hate each other.
- maratc 6y ago
  You can't "settle through mediation if you want" if the other side doesn't want that. You need two sides agreeing to settle through mediation and coming with reasonable requests, while it's enough that one side disagrees or is coming with unreasonable requests, to get both sides to the court.
alpineidyll3 6y ago
If only this message were more commonly known.
rechevskiy 6y ago
Just want to add here that family court comes into play anytime there are underage children involved, irrespective of whether the parents are married or not (in most states). So not getting married provides no protection from being involved in those same, potentially endless, ongoing family court cases.
- Retric 6y ago
  I decided to avoid marriage and kids in large part due to the divorce courts, so you do have that option. Vasectomy is not the ideal option, but it’s seriously worth considering in our utterly broken society.
  - SignalNotSecure 6y ago
    If you spend enough time living with a partner together in the same locale you are de-facto married in many jurisdictions Being not married is often utterly meaningless. You will be caught up in the dragnet.
    - Person5478 6y ago
      This is known as common law marriage and has the requirement that you _PRESENT_ as married to the world. If you don't present as married you are not common law married.
    - Retric 6y ago
      It’s only currently possible to start one in 7 states and the District of Columbia. So avoid Colorado, Iowa, Kansas, Montana, Oklahoma, Rhode Island, Texas, New Hampshire, and Utah. Though New Hampshire only accepts them for probate as a spouse can inherit without paying taxes etc. Even in the remaining 6 states you generally have to represent yourselves as married in some context like filing taxes jointly. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Common-law_marriage_in_the_United_States#Colorado https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Common-law_marriage_in_the_Uni... PS: California does accept common law marriages formed in another state.
  - baxtr 6y ago

caturopath 6y ago

You can forego family court and settle through mediation if you want. In my experience, the core driver of friction as usually seemed to be that the parties hate each other.

maratc 6y ago
You can't "settle through mediation if you want" if the other side doesn't want that. You need two sides agreeing to settle through mediation and coming with reasonable requests, while it's enough that one side disagrees or is coming with unreasonable requests, to get both sides to the court.

alpineidyll3 6y ago

If only this message were more commonly known.

rechevskiy 6y ago

Just want to add here that family court comes into play anytime there are underage children involved, irrespective of whether the parents are married or not (in most states). So not getting married provides no protection from being involved in those same, potentially endless, ongoing family court cases.

Retric 6y ago
I decided to avoid marriage and kids in large part due to the divorce courts, so you do have that option. Vasectomy is not the ideal option, but it’s seriously worth considering in our utterly broken society.
- SignalNotSecure 6y ago
  If you spend enough time living with a partner together in the same locale you are de-facto married in many jurisdictions Being not married is often utterly meaningless. You will be caught up in the dragnet.
  - Person5478 6y ago
    This is known as common law marriage and has the requirement that you _PRESENT_ as married to the world. If you don't present as married you are not common law married.
  - Retric 6y ago
    It’s only currently possible to start one in 7 states and the District of Columbia. So avoid Colorado, Iowa, Kansas, Montana, Oklahoma, Rhode Island, Texas, New Hampshire, and Utah. Though New Hampshire only accepts them for probate as a spouse can inherit without paying taxes etc. Even in the remaining 6 states you generally have to represent yourselves as married in some context like filing taxes jointly. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Common-law_marriage_in_the_United_States#Colorado https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Common-law_marriage_in_the_Uni... PS: California does accept common law marriages formed in another state.
- baxtr 6y ago