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From a financial standpoint, probably. Children not encountering lies, strife, or emotional disattachment on a daily basis anymore seems a significant improvem

From a financial standpoint, probably. Children not encountering lies, strife, or emotional disattachment on a daily basis anymore seems a significant improvement, however.

psyc 6y ago
Having lived many years in both a miserable, acrimonious two parent household, and a post-divorce situation - my personal opinion is the latter is, unintuitively, far more harmful long term for the kids. But the former is so much worse for the parents that I don’t think it’s worth it to, say, stay together until they leave the nest. If that were possible without total loss of sanity, I think it would be better. But the divorce was decidedly not amicable so I don’t know what that’s like.
- throwawayboise 6y ago
  Right, so if I interpret you correctly, you were in the situation of living with two parents in a bad relationship, and the divorce added additional stress of having two different houses, visitation/custody complexity, and possibly additional fights between the parents about those issues. So the alternative of having one home and more access to both parents could be better for the child even if the parents don't get along with each other well.
  - psyc 6y ago
    That is exactly what I mean, yes. If both parents sincerely want what’s best for the kids, that should take priority and thus the bar should be accordingly high for divorce until the kids are grown, whatever you feel grown means. Higher than the parents just wanting to “live their best life”. As I recall, I didn’t take my parents’ daily fighting, even my mom screaming and throwing things, as much to heart as some might think. I’m glad you used the word access because that’s precisely what I valued most, and the biggest loss. Second to that was the devastating financial strain (2 apartments, 2 cars, etc but same income).
    - Avicebron 6y ago
      I will second this sentiment as I grew up in a very similar situation, extremely unhealthy two-parent relationships that left me with some really bad memories and then a vicious divorce between two people who hate each other. Often children are used as weapons against the divorced spouse in this situation which adds significant stress in growing up. At least when the parents are together the children can't be used as proxy wars.
      - alexvoda 6y ago
        > At least when the parents are together the children can't be used as proxy wars. Of they can be used as such.

From a financial standpoint, probably. Children not encountering lies, strife, or emotional disattachment on a daily basis anymore seems a significant improvement, however.

psyc 6y ago

Having lived many years in both a miserable, acrimonious two parent household, and a post-divorce situation - my personal opinion is the latter is, unintuitively, far more harmful long term for the kids. But the former is so much worse for the parents that I don’t think it’s worth it to, say, stay together until they leave the nest. If that were possible without total loss of sanity, I think it would be better. But the divorce was decidedly not amicable so I don’t know what that’s like.

throwawayboise 6y ago
Right, so if I interpret you correctly, you were in the situation of living with two parents in a bad relationship, and the divorce added additional stress of having two different houses, visitation/custody complexity, and possibly additional fights between the parents about those issues. So the alternative of having one home and more access to both parents could be better for the child even if the parents don't get along with each other well.
- psyc 6y ago
  That is exactly what I mean, yes. If both parents sincerely want what’s best for the kids, that should take priority and thus the bar should be accordingly high for divorce until the kids are grown, whatever you feel grown means. Higher than the parents just wanting to “live their best life”. As I recall, I didn’t take my parents’ daily fighting, even my mom screaming and throwing things, as much to heart as some might think. I’m glad you used the word access because that’s precisely what I valued most, and the biggest loss. Second to that was the devastating financial strain (2 apartments, 2 cars, etc but same income).
  - Avicebron 6y ago
    I will second this sentiment as I grew up in a very similar situation, extremely unhealthy two-parent relationships that left me with some really bad memories and then a vicious divorce between two people who hate each other. Often children are used as weapons against the divorced spouse in this situation which adds significant stress in growing up. At least when the parents are together the children can't be used as proxy wars.
    - alexvoda 6y ago
      > At least when the parents are together the children can't be used as proxy wars. Of they can be used as such.