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Let's be honest, telling people they have to accept their abuse and "get on your abusers' level and 'outsmart' them" is kind of wrong. The advice to leave your

Let's be honest, telling people they have to accept their abuse and "get on your abusers' level and 'outsmart' them" is kind of wrong. The advice to leave your abusive boss and your insecurities behind and find a better paying job is, really, the only ethically correct advice. Your "option" of "trying to outplay" your boss only plays into the victims' insecurities and validates the abuser's hold.

dandanua 6y ago
In some cases you can't just leave, you can have obligations and responsibilities. You can be tied with the firm and an abusive boss can take full advantage of it. In this case you have to play, it doesn't matter do you want it or not. But to "outplay" you don't have to be much smarter. If you are honest then the advice of trying to make communication more explicit will do it by itself, hopefully.
- skim_milk 6y ago
  This has essentially become a subjective debate over how to live one's best life. Yes, many of us prefer freedom over financials. However, very often in reality, at the heart of the argument that one has to just hang on and suffer well with their job is an insecurity that one doesn't deserve better. To mental health professionals, I assume they would understand that the people looking for advice and reading their articles are from emotionally/physically/economically insecure environments, from which the advice "suffer well" is essentially entirely non-productive because it is their lack of a feeling of security that prevents them from knowing they deserve better. From the lack of security, which causes the lack of the knowledge that they deserve better, these people will typically not ever try to come up with a way out of their abuse until they hit rock bottom. It's not that that's inherently a worse way to live, but the reason behind this way of living is typically (but not always) due to hidden insecurities, which abusive bosses freaking love to exploit because it's works very well at controlling their insecure employees. Yes someone can be secure and live like this but I think many would agree that this is a rare scenario and not the best advice for the average person looking at these articles.
ohthehugemanate 6y ago
It's not so black and white. There are many varieties of "not great" boss, and not all of them are toxic. A narcissist is not always a toxic boss. But it will be really frustrating until you get their perspective, and t he at situation can certainly get toxic. Get a working partnership going with someone like this and they are a benefit. But the minute words like "toxic" or "abusive" come into play, absolutely the options are "validate the abuser's hold". or "get out"

dandanua 6y ago

In some cases you can't just leave, you can have obligations and responsibilities. You can be tied with the firm and an abusive boss can take full advantage of it. In this case you have to play, it doesn't matter do you want it or not. But to "outplay" you don't have to be much smarter. If you are honest then the advice of trying to make communication more explicit will do it by itself, hopefully.

skim_milk 6y ago
This has essentially become a subjective debate over how to live one's best life. Yes, many of us prefer freedom over financials. However, very often in reality, at the heart of the argument that one has to just hang on and suffer well with their job is an insecurity that one doesn't deserve better. To mental health professionals, I assume they would understand that the people looking for advice and reading their articles are from emotionally/physically/economically insecure environments, from which the advice "suffer well" is essentially entirely non-productive because it is their lack of a feeling of security that prevents them from knowing they deserve better. From the lack of security, which causes the lack of the knowledge that they deserve better, these people will typically not ever try to come up with a way out of their abuse until they hit rock bottom. It's not that that's inherently a worse way to live, but the reason behind this way of living is typically (but not always) due to hidden insecurities, which abusive bosses freaking love to exploit because it's works very well at controlling their insecure employees. Yes someone can be secure and live like this but I think many would agree that this is a rare scenario and not the best advice for the average person looking at these articles.

ohthehugemanate 6y ago

It's not so black and white. There are many varieties of "not great" boss, and not all of them are toxic. A narcissist is not always a toxic boss. But it will be really frustrating until you get their perspective, and t he at situation can certainly get toxic. Get a working partnership going with someone like this and they are a benefit. But the minute words like "toxic" or "abusive" come into play, absolutely the options are "validate the abuser's hold". or "get out"