5 ms·

If somone is a physical or emotional abuser you must get away from them as quickly as possible. Many abusers set themselves up in positions of power.

uncledave 6y ago
I worked for one of them. Completely agree. One day I decided I’d had enough though and just went home, changed my phone SIM for a PAYG one and immediately moved half way down the country. I was his last remaining employee.
- yholio 6y ago
  Sounds like you were escaping an abusive spouse. How about the traditional "fuck you, I quit", and not changing your sim or turning your life on its head for some jerk?
  - hntrader 6y ago
    I think the jerk might get more satisfaction being able to spam the victim's phone and torture them from beyond the grave, compared to being ghosted completely (which is a tactic that should be reserved for only the truly heinous).
    - mnw21cam 6y ago
      Restraining order exist for a reason. In most countries they are relatively easy to obtain.
  - uncledave 6y ago
    It felt like it. It took me two weeks to formulate a decent “fuck you” but I came to the conclusion that what remains unsaid is sometimes more effective than what is said.
nednar 6y ago
What about the other people around you?
- lazide 6y ago
  Should you be showing it's ok to stay (by example), or that it's ok to leave? (by example)
  - nednar 6y ago
    You can't show that it's okay to leave, because you won't be there anymore to correct the narrative told about you.
    - lazide 6y ago
      Sure you can - by finding something better, which is all anyone is concerned about from leaving anyway. The other parts (badmouthing you behind your back or whatever), have no effect on you once you’re gone except to highlight even more why folks should leave. People are not ignorant of the type of bosses that do that sort of thing, or what it means in my experience. Worrying about the narrative some asshole is going to spin about your departure just puts you in their power - which is why they do it. The folks on the line generally don’t care, certainly not to the extent that should let someone control you in a toxic environment.
      - loopz 6y ago
        The narratives and justifications in toxic environments keep people there. They won't show the stayers squat. It may not even be all untrue, just twisted, forgetting all the good parts and dehumanizing, which is the objective. Those who left are often oblivious its happening too.
        lazide 6y ago
        That’s what I was talking about in part - They keep the people there who for whatever reason it works on (denial, fear, whatever), there are also those that connect with and think it’s a good environment. There are also those who don’t care and are using it to get experience and will bounce to a better place later. And there are also those that it helps to see someone succeed and get out. And those who seeing someone succeed is a threat to them, as it challenges all the other factors they’re in denial about. The only ones who ‘leaving’ hurts is the ones who are enabling the bad environment. For everyone else? It’s just another day. Don’t fall for the BS, you’ll be worse off for it later and regret it. But make sure you have a plan and a backup option. Rage quitting when you’ll be bankrupt in a week is dumb.

uncledave 6y ago

I worked for one of them. Completely agree. One day I decided I’d had enough though and just went home, changed my phone SIM for a PAYG one and immediately moved half way down the country. I was his last remaining employee.

yholio 6y ago
Sounds like you were escaping an abusive spouse. How about the traditional "fuck you, I quit", and not changing your sim or turning your life on its head for some jerk?
- hntrader 6y ago
  I think the jerk might get more satisfaction being able to spam the victim's phone and torture them from beyond the grave, compared to being ghosted completely (which is a tactic that should be reserved for only the truly heinous).
  - mnw21cam 6y ago
    Restraining order exist for a reason. In most countries they are relatively easy to obtain.
- uncledave 6y ago
  It felt like it. It took me two weeks to formulate a decent “fuck you” but I came to the conclusion that what remains unsaid is sometimes more effective than what is said.

nednar 6y ago

What about the other people around you?

lazide 6y ago
Should you be showing it's ok to stay (by example), or that it's ok to leave? (by example)
- nednar 6y ago
  You can't show that it's okay to leave, because you won't be there anymore to correct the narrative told about you.
  - lazide 6y ago
    Sure you can - by finding something better, which is all anyone is concerned about from leaving anyway. The other parts (badmouthing you behind your back or whatever), have no effect on you once you’re gone except to highlight even more why folks should leave. People are not ignorant of the type of bosses that do that sort of thing, or what it means in my experience. Worrying about the narrative some asshole is going to spin about your departure just puts you in their power - which is why they do it. The folks on the line generally don’t care, certainly not to the extent that should let someone control you in a toxic environment.
    - loopz 6y ago
      The narratives and justifications in toxic environments keep people there. They won't show the stayers squat. It may not even be all untrue, just twisted, forgetting all the good parts and dehumanizing, which is the objective. Those who left are often oblivious its happening too.
      - lazide 6y ago
        That’s what I was talking about in part - They keep the people there who for whatever reason it works on (denial, fear, whatever), there are also those that connect with and think it’s a good environment. There are also those who don’t care and are using it to get experience and will bounce to a better place later. And there are also those that it helps to see someone succeed and get out. And those who seeing someone succeed is a threat to them, as it challenges all the other factors they’re in denial about. The only ones who ‘leaving’ hurts is the ones who are enabling the bad environment. For everyone else? It’s just another day. Don’t fall for the BS, you’ll be worse off for it later and regret it. But make sure you have a plan and a backup option. Rage quitting when you’ll be bankrupt in a week is dumb.