6 ms·

I'm a parent who's scared about my child's potential need for this. We're just entering the diagnosis pipeline now. I'd like to give you an opportunity to convi

I'm a parent who's scared about my child's potential need for this. We're just entering the diagnosis pipeline now. I'd like to give you an opportunity to convince me that I shouldn't be resisting that sort of thing, which is my (admittedly somewhat unfounded) reaction.

madamelic 6y ago
I don't think there is anything wrong with questioning, if anything it is great that you are questioning whether it is the right path. I do appreciate and understand that ADHD tends to be over-diagnosed to children due to them being... children. I don't necessarily know what I would've done if I had been in my parent's shoes beyond actually listening, being empathetic and using my adult knowledge of the world to help. They took the meds away before I even got used to them and that was the end of meds until I got them myself last year (16 years later). There is a whole pit of co-morbid issues in my adolescence that I believe being a considerate parent would entirely avoid. I can't definitively say that ADHD was the one thing that changed my life trajectory or made me bad at my day-to-day schooling. I am not a doctor but I can't see the harm in starting low to get your kid into building an organizational system, study habits, learning what helps them work best, etc, so they can hopefully come / stay off the meds. No one wants to be medicated for life, not even doctors want you on any medication forever; the less you can put in, the better. Meds may not be needed, meds may be needed. It entirely depends on how much your kid is struggling, what kind of relationship you have (do they feel they can trust you and say bluntly what they need and are struggling with, is that something they are emotionally capable of voicing, etc.). Medication isn't a panacea obviously and if you can help your kid get organized, both of you feel they can stay on top of work according to what's reasonable for their age and listen to them with patience and empathy, that will likely be as much as you can do as their parent. My parents had high standards for me but rather than asking "how can we help? what do you need?" kindly and being someone I could rely on for help, they would scream at me and say various things that seemed helpful ("You're not average, average isn't good enough") but just ingrained that I was broken and worthless because I was trying, I was doing as much as I could and still wasn't making it. The only reason I got diagnosed as a kid was that my brother was being diagnosed at the same time. There was no concern for me individually, it was a 'package deal' of pushing all the kids through the pipeline to figure out what was 'wrong with us'. I am ranting now... :) --- Not to assume, but I figured I'd include this because this is _my_ next mental health adventure of figuring out officially: ADHD is co-morbid with Asperger's. The two also have many cross-overs (emotional sensitivity, sensory issues, seeming aloof, etc.) so it's worth a mention to totally rule out or gain a better context of how to give your kid the best shot. Asperger's is not at all an awful sentence of misery and awfulness to not be caught until later. Both ADHD and ASD are better 'caught' early obviously, so you and others can help create support systems to improve quality-of-life. --- I feel like my parents viewed parenting as factory line; each kid gets the same input and we expect the same output; if we don't get the same output, the kid is broken not your parenting style. Maybe this is just good parenting, but I would encourage you to consider the perspective of meeting each one (assuming you have multiple!) where they are at individually rather than where you or others expect them to be. Something I wish my parents had done was tell anyone and everyone to "fuck off" with their expectations rather than tossing me under the bus for being 'weird'.
bqmjjx0kac 6y ago
I was diagnosed around age 15 and started taking Concerta. It was life-changing for a while, but it started feeling less helpful over time. I remember feeling like my energy/attention was a zero-sum game, and I had to pay it back at the end of the day. I was frustrated with these side-effects in college, so I quit the meds as a freshman. I got through college and even a masters degree, but it was a slog. While working at my first "real" job, I felt like I'd hit a brick wall. It was near impossible for me to stay focused during the day. I went back to my doctor and started taking Vyvanse, which I've been on for ~5 years now. This drug has been really amazing, and I don't feel totally sapped at the end of the day. (My layman's understanding is that it's a pro-drug, so your liver has to chop the molecules apart to produce the actual amphetamine. It has a slower ramp-up and ramp-down than the Concerta did.) One thing to consider is sleep quality. It turns out I had an obstructive sinus blockage for many years. I got it removed surgically and feel amazing. I still take meds to deal with underlying ADHD symptoms, but I could actually be a functioning adult without the meds at this point.
nullsense 6y ago
Although I feel like my childhood was OK, I dropped out of highschool and from the age of 17 to age 27 I worked a _total_ of 1 year split across 5 different jobs. If you're worried about the effect medication might have, I understand, I'm a parent and I'm 99% sure my boy has it as he's exactly like me. I would implore you to consider the abject danger that untreated ADHD presents to its sufferers. Shorter life span by on average 12 years. It's a much worse diagnosis than people realise. The transition into adulthood took me a decade. It was rough. Really, really rough. I only got diagnosed last year at 32. Medication or not, what you should endeavour to do is monitor if it goes into remission in early adulthood for them or not, and keep them educated on the topic so they can understand how/why they experience life the way they do. I'm not medicated myself at the moment (because thus far I haven't responded to it) but being aware of it has made a big, big difference.

madamelic 6y ago

I don't think there is anything wrong with questioning, if anything it is great that you are questioning whether it is the right path. I do appreciate and understand that ADHD tends to be over-diagnosed to children due to them being... children. I don't necessarily know what I would've done if I had been in my parent's shoes beyond actually listening, being empathetic and using my adult knowledge of the world to help. They took the meds away before I even got used to them and that was the end of meds until I got them myself last year (16 years later). There is a whole pit of co-morbid issues in my adolescence that I believe being a considerate parent would entirely avoid. I can't definitively say that ADHD was the one thing that changed my life trajectory or made me bad at my day-to-day schooling. I am not a doctor but I can't see the harm in starting low to get your kid into building an organizational system, study habits, learning what helps them work best, etc, so they can hopefully come / stay off the meds. No one wants to be medicated for life, not even doctors want you on any medication forever; the less you can put in, the better. Meds may not be needed, meds may be needed. It entirely depends on how much your kid is struggling, what kind of relationship you have (do they feel they can trust you and say bluntly what they need and are struggling with, is that something they are emotionally capable of voicing, etc.). Medication isn't a panacea obviously and if you can help your kid get organized, both of you feel they can stay on top of work according to what's reasonable for their age and listen to them with patience and empathy, that will likely be as much as you can do as their parent. My parents had high standards for me but rather than asking "how can we help? what do you need?" kindly and being someone I could rely on for help, they would scream at me and say various things that seemed helpful ("You're not average, average isn't good enough") but just ingrained that I was broken and worthless because I was trying, I was doing as much as I could and still wasn't making it. The only reason I got diagnosed as a kid was that my brother was being diagnosed at the same time. There was no concern for me individually, it was a 'package deal' of pushing all the kids through the pipeline to figure out what was 'wrong with us'. I am ranting now... :) --- Not to assume, but I figured I'd include this because this is _my_ next mental health adventure of figuring out officially: ADHD is co-morbid with Asperger's. The two also have many cross-overs (emotional sensitivity, sensory issues, seeming aloof, etc.) so it's worth a mention to totally rule out or gain a better context of how to give your kid the best shot. Asperger's is not at all an awful sentence of misery and awfulness to not be caught until later. Both ADHD and ASD are better 'caught' early obviously, so you and others can help create support systems to improve quality-of-life. --- I feel like my parents viewed parenting as factory line; each kid gets the same input and we expect the same output; if we don't get the same output, the kid is broken not your parenting style. Maybe this is just good parenting, but I would encourage you to consider the perspective of meeting each one (assuming you have multiple!) where they are at individually rather than where you or others expect them to be. Something I wish my parents had done was tell anyone and everyone to "fuck off" with their expectations rather than tossing me under the bus for being 'weird'.

bqmjjx0kac 6y ago

I was diagnosed around age 15 and started taking Concerta. It was life-changing for a while, but it started feeling less helpful over time. I remember feeling like my energy/attention was a zero-sum game, and I had to pay it back at the end of the day. I was frustrated with these side-effects in college, so I quit the meds as a freshman. I got through college and even a masters degree, but it was a slog. While working at my first "real" job, I felt like I'd hit a brick wall. It was near impossible for me to stay focused during the day. I went back to my doctor and started taking Vyvanse, which I've been on for ~5 years now. This drug has been really amazing, and I don't feel totally sapped at the end of the day. (My layman's understanding is that it's a pro-drug, so your liver has to chop the molecules apart to produce the actual amphetamine. It has a slower ramp-up and ramp-down than the Concerta did.) One thing to consider is sleep quality. It turns out I had an obstructive sinus blockage for many years. I got it removed surgically and feel amazing. I still take meds to deal with underlying ADHD symptoms, but I could actually be a functioning adult without the meds at this point.

nullsense 6y ago

Although I feel like my childhood was OK, I dropped out of highschool and from the age of 17 to age 27 I worked a _total_ of 1 year split across 5 different jobs. If you're worried about the effect medication might have, I understand, I'm a parent and I'm 99% sure my boy has it as he's exactly like me. I would implore you to consider the abject danger that untreated ADHD presents to its sufferers. Shorter life span by on average 12 years. It's a much worse diagnosis than people realise. The transition into adulthood took me a decade. It was rough. Really, really rough. I only got diagnosed last year at 32. Medication or not, what you should endeavour to do is monitor if it goes into remission in early adulthood for them or not, and keep them educated on the topic so they can understand how/why they experience life the way they do. I'm not medicated myself at the moment (because thus far I haven't responded to it) but being aware of it has made a big, big difference.