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There's an idea in yogic philosophy that you can't truly know a thing until you experience it. The classic example is a mango - you can read about them, you can
by xyzelement 6y ago
There's an idea in yogic philosophy that you can't truly know a thing until you experience it. The classic example is a mango - you can read about them, you can study their chemistry, you can ask questions of mango eaters, but until you taste a mango you can't know what a mango tastes like.
For most of my single life I thought of diamond engagement rings as something I'd like to get away without, or at worst begrudgingly buy. I understood the economics and history of diamonds and reached a logical conclusion.
And then 2 year ago, I bought a high grade diamond to propose to my wife and I loved it. From the process of visiting diamond dealers, to seeing it sparkle, to seeing her reaction - it's some of the best money I ever spent. I love seeing it on her hand now as she plays with our baby. I'll probably get joy out of seeing it for the rest of our lives. That comes out to cents per day over the next 40+ years. Worth it.
To be clear, it was never "the ring or the downpayment" kind of choice. I've seen people be dumb here. Don't do it. My point is that there's something to these rings beyond the analysis, much like tasting a mango.
The ring also indicates that I am serious. Yes that's "signaling" but with so many marriages failing because people are half-assed / don't have their shit together, it's a valuable signal.
So let's say DeBeers nailed product-market fit.
As for how special love/marriage is: we are partners in an enterprise of life, we chose to face the future and make people together. We both made the choice and understood its weight - and chose each other. What could be more meaningful?
- billfruit 6y agoThing is there are much cheaper stones that is virtually indistinguishable from real diamonds, so in that light it does seem a spurious expense even considering the enduring experiential qualities of it.
- xyzelement 6y agoPart of the experience is knowing it's real...
- swat535 6y agoYea I don't know, I wouldn't want the symbol of my life be the symbol of the thing that has had blood and child labor all over throughout history (and even to this day). Unless the dealer literally mined it himself, I wouldn't want to have 0.0001% chance of my wife waring a rock that a child took out from the earth with armed guards watching him.
- xyzelement 6y agoI don't know the depth of your concern, but any diamond I had seen and considered buying was certified for what it was - including it's mining history.
- Nursie 6y agoPersonally I don't think I'd even want that, the diamond mines never sounded like a dignified place to work, and have serious environmental consequences. I'd rather have lab-grown if anything, which are free of ethical concerns around labour, and are getting their energy footprint down into the tens of kWH per carat range.
- xyzelement 6y agoYou had left another response saying I was likely bamboozled into this purchase and that signaling is misogynist and outmoded. You deleted your post before I submitted my response but I want to have it here if anyone is interested, since I took the energy to write it: You're looking at it in a very limited way. I would say that someone who is happy with their purchase several years down the line is not bamboozled. I am also realistically pretty qualified to think through the economics of it (many years in finance and deep study of Econ.) I am by no means saying "great investment everyone should make" - I am pointing to this being a rather experiential thing. Do you have the same strong reaction to people who invest time and money into "pointless" hobbies, or makes career decisions that don't maximize their income? Because I can easily argue that even having a TV-watching (vs study) habit costs you more over your lifetime than the most expensive diamond - yet hardly anyone poo-poos those choices. I also invite you to see whether there are many guys on this thread or in your life who proposed with decently expensive rings and regret it. I am not seeing it. Are you? Otherwise, it seems like you have only analytical experience of the topic while we have both the analytical and experiential (that was the point of my mango analogy) so you may want to recognize you have a limited perspective here. Whether the signaling is outdated and misogynist, I guess you can decide for yourself, but I'll have you consider this: while my wife and I are equal in all tangible ways: education, income level, etc. she still absolutely bears most of the risk of pregnancy and birth. Even afterwards, it's theoretically easy for me to say "never mind" and reset my life, while she's saddled with all the consequences. I recognized that when I was proposing and felt it very heavily, and on some level the ring does speak to an investment and commitment from my part. I don't think my wife gave it that level of analysis but I bet this is at least some of the history behind the "burden of proof" being on the guy. I am by no means saying everyone has to do it this way - there are tons of different attitudes and approaches people can take, and here's ours. And by the way, it's far from uncommon. EG: I have worked in finance, with some very high powered women who were certainly not reliant on any guy for anything - but they universally had nice diamond bands on their hands.
- dTal 6y agoThat would defeat the signaling purpose.
- deleted 6y ago[deleted]
- ykevinator 6y agoMostly agree but debeers is a pretty bloody evil company and we should all feel a little ashamed of participating
- deleted 6y ago[deleted]