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If you can't put your finger on why you wanted the diamond, it seems pretty clear you are victims of De Beers. If I say I don't want a Coke because it's bad for

by hashkb 6y ago

If you can't put your finger on why you wanted the diamond, it seems pretty clear you are victims of De Beers. If I say I don't want a Coke because it's bad for me, but then I drink it, it's because I want it. And you should call bullshit on me for saying I didn't want it.

fileyfood500 6y ago
I imagine they are knowing victims, and there’s a lot of social pressure to conform. I’m sure many people would not be excited to repeatedly explain the De Beers situation to everyone who questioned their decision not to get a diamond. And it’s even harder to make an “against the grain” decision on behalf of your spouse. And if they don’t want the diamond ring, you still may choose to get it for your own social comfort. So with De Beers as the historical root cause, you have a situation where both spouses need to want to go against the grain to not get a diamond ring.
teorema 6y ago
I can't speak for her but my guess is she'd say at some point, even if debeers started it, its not about debeers anymore. Or she'd say something like why do we value the art we do? Isn't it all socially shaped? At what point does it become personal? If she wants a diamond because that's what she had in mind, and what her parents and grandparents had, and she likes the color and brilliance, what the hell does debeers have to do with it? Couldn't people still want white diamonds even if you could dig them up in your backyard? It's not really bullshit to want something but wrestle with the ethics of it, or to balance different options. Like I said, she probably would have went with a repurposed stone or none if we exhausted other options. Moissonite for her was this thing she had never heard of, something that didn't have meaning outside of a substitute for something else. It was untested. Heck, my guess is if she lost her stone she'd probably be fine getting a moissonite stone as a replacement now just because it's been settling in her head for years and years now. In the end this is just me inferring how she feels. From my standpoint, I just wanted to do what she'd be satisfied with... which is another angle on the issue. Just to add later: she did like the color and brilliance of moissonite. I remember her worrying about the hardness and not having an intuitive sense of how durable it was. I think if someone had been able to say "this has the same hardness as diamond" scientifically speaking she would have been ok? I have no idea. It was a strange gem to her and she was just as skeptical of it as she was about claims of any given diamond's provenance, ethics wise.
- dingaling 6y ago
  My partner-to-be agreed to do without an engagement ring, mainly for pragmatic financial reasons: we considered what better things we could do with the money. It's fascinating to hear how people react to that over the years, mainly along the lines of "I wish I'd been that brave". So there's definitely a social pressure to conform.

by hashkb 6y ago

fileyfood500 6y ago

I imagine they are knowing victims, and there’s a lot of social pressure to conform. I’m sure many people would not be excited to repeatedly explain the De Beers situation to everyone who questioned their decision not to get a diamond. And it’s even harder to make an “against the grain” decision on behalf of your spouse. And if they don’t want the diamond ring, you still may choose to get it for your own social comfort. So with De Beers as the historical root cause, you have a situation where both spouses need to want to go against the grain to not get a diamond ring.

teorema 6y ago

I can't speak for her but my guess is she'd say at some point, even if debeers started it, its not about debeers anymore. Or she'd say something like why do we value the art we do? Isn't it all socially shaped? At what point does it become personal? If she wants a diamond because that's what she had in mind, and what her parents and grandparents had, and she likes the color and brilliance, what the hell does debeers have to do with it? Couldn't people still want white diamonds even if you could dig them up in your backyard? It's not really bullshit to want something but wrestle with the ethics of it, or to balance different options. Like I said, she probably would have went with a repurposed stone or none if we exhausted other options. Moissonite for her was this thing she had never heard of, something that didn't have meaning outside of a substitute for something else. It was untested. Heck, my guess is if she lost her stone she'd probably be fine getting a moissonite stone as a replacement now just because it's been settling in her head for years and years now. In the end this is just me inferring how she feels. From my standpoint, I just wanted to do what she'd be satisfied with... which is another angle on the issue. Just to add later: she did like the color and brilliance of moissonite. I remember her worrying about the hardness and not having an intuitive sense of how durable it was. I think if someone had been able to say "this has the same hardness as diamond" scientifically speaking she would have been ok? I have no idea. It was a strange gem to her and she was just as skeptical of it as she was about claims of any given diamond's provenance, ethics wise.

dingaling 6y ago
My partner-to-be agreed to do without an engagement ring, mainly for pragmatic financial reasons: we considered what better things we could do with the money. It's fascinating to hear how people react to that over the years, mainly along the lines of "I wish I'd been that brave". So there's definitely a social pressure to conform.