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I would have agreed with you two years ago. I've taken MDMA socially countless times and would have thought it entirely pointless to take alone, but my experien

I would have agreed with you two years ago. I've taken MDMA socially countless times and would have thought it entirely pointless to take alone, but my experiences taking it therapeutically - first with a sitter and then totally alone - have changed my view on this entirely. I actually have very little interest in taking MDMA socially anymore. How I see it is that as unconscious material comes to the surface, you need to be present with it or it doesn't really get processed. If you're distracted by your awesome friends there is just less space and energy for that, and what happens is you end up bringing all this shit to the surface, NOT engaging with it, and then coming down and it's still right up at the surface. This is in my experience why the hangovers suck so much. After a therapeutic session I feel drained but never hung over and depressed like I have after some social experiences. Everyone is different of course but I say don't knock it til you try it!

throw_this_one 6y ago
I've had many social experiences as well. Would you recommend solo with a sitter or completely solo? I've found during techno shows I did spend a good amount of time dancing with my eyes closed, trying to dig in. But that wasn't at all the focus... so maybe a true solo experience would be better. Also, did you listen to music solo? Or is that also a distraction.
- cstaikos 6y ago
  I'd suggest going solo rather than w/ a sitter honestly - it can be intimidating the first time but I think even the best-intentioned sitters can bring their own hangups into the mix and get in the way. Perhaps a good middle-ground would be to have someone who knows what you're doing that you can call if you need to? I think there are definitely parallels with a solo session and dancing w/ eyes closed at a rave - the same process really but as you say at a dance event there are a ton of distractions, and less space for really releasing when you need to. For instance, shaking has been a big part of the release for me, but it would be hard to do that at a public event w/o people being weirded out - they'd probably think you took too many drugs and need medical attention. Re: music, yes I always listen to music, but it's been tough to find the right stuff sometimes. I have read that some folks prefer silence as well, so I'd suggest trying both and seeing what works - might be different in different sessions as well :)
  - throw_this_one 6y ago
    Do you have questions/a general direction set up beforehand? Nothing about M is intimidating, since I've done it many times before. The most intimidating thing is to focus on the task at hand the whole time. I'm so used to talking to people, texting people close to me, thinking about others etc. My biggest fear is that revert to having my own rave. Playing music and texting other people.
    - cstaikos 6y ago
      Haha yeah you really have to commit to doing the work. Your mind will likely try to distract you as uncomfortable emotions come to the surface, so you may be tempted to text people etc. That said, going into it with intention goes a long way. For the days/weeks prior to a session I usually keep a document going and add things that come up. For example, an interaction w/ my wife or a colleague or friend may be difficult and bring up some tension that I'd like to work through, so I'll note that down. When the session comes I'll have a general idea of the areas in life where I'm feeling stuck, so I'll go into it with the intention of working through those. During one session, the first time I mixed LSD, at one point I was thinking to myself about how the combination was clearly not a good idea since it wasn't working, and reciting in my head how I would describe this to people afterwords. Then, it occurred to me that it's not working because instead of being present with the feelings that are coming up I am distracting myself by thinking of how I'll describe how it didn't work. Once I realized this I was able to go deeper and there was release :) I'd strongly recommend reading the book as well before you try it, there is a lot of good advice in there for how to prepare and structure a session. As several folks have pointed out, the language is super intense at times, but try to get past that (it's mostly in the beginning chapters anyways) and it's well worth the read.

throw_this_one 6y ago

I've had many social experiences as well. Would you recommend solo with a sitter or completely solo? I've found during techno shows I did spend a good amount of time dancing with my eyes closed, trying to dig in. But that wasn't at all the focus... so maybe a true solo experience would be better. Also, did you listen to music solo? Or is that also a distraction.

cstaikos 6y ago
I'd suggest going solo rather than w/ a sitter honestly - it can be intimidating the first time but I think even the best-intentioned sitters can bring their own hangups into the mix and get in the way. Perhaps a good middle-ground would be to have someone who knows what you're doing that you can call if you need to? I think there are definitely parallels with a solo session and dancing w/ eyes closed at a rave - the same process really but as you say at a dance event there are a ton of distractions, and less space for really releasing when you need to. For instance, shaking has been a big part of the release for me, but it would be hard to do that at a public event w/o people being weirded out - they'd probably think you took too many drugs and need medical attention. Re: music, yes I always listen to music, but it's been tough to find the right stuff sometimes. I have read that some folks prefer silence as well, so I'd suggest trying both and seeing what works - might be different in different sessions as well :)
- throw_this_one 6y ago
  Do you have questions/a general direction set up beforehand? Nothing about M is intimidating, since I've done it many times before. The most intimidating thing is to focus on the task at hand the whole time. I'm so used to talking to people, texting people close to me, thinking about others etc. My biggest fear is that revert to having my own rave. Playing music and texting other people.
  - cstaikos 6y ago
    Haha yeah you really have to commit to doing the work. Your mind will likely try to distract you as uncomfortable emotions come to the surface, so you may be tempted to text people etc. That said, going into it with intention goes a long way. For the days/weeks prior to a session I usually keep a document going and add things that come up. For example, an interaction w/ my wife or a colleague or friend may be difficult and bring up some tension that I'd like to work through, so I'll note that down. When the session comes I'll have a general idea of the areas in life where I'm feeling stuck, so I'll go into it with the intention of working through those. During one session, the first time I mixed LSD, at one point I was thinking to myself about how the combination was clearly not a good idea since it wasn't working, and reciting in my head how I would describe this to people afterwords. Then, it occurred to me that it's not working because instead of being present with the feelings that are coming up I am distracting myself by thinking of how I'll describe how it didn't work. Once I realized this I was able to go deeper and there was release :) I'd strongly recommend reading the book as well before you try it, there is a lot of good advice in there for how to prepare and structure a session. As several folks have pointed out, the language is super intense at times, but try to get past that (it's mostly in the beginning chapters anyways) and it's well worth the read.