4 ms·

Your narrative describes alcohol and cannabis usage, on the one hand, and work achievements on the other hand. I understand that you are using that latter as a

Your narrative describes alcohol and cannabis usage, on the one hand, and work achievements on the other hand. I understand that you are using that latter as a way to establish the benefits of the former, or at least to show an absence of detrimental effect. But can you can identify why you might be reaching for psychoactive substances in the first place? Did you experience depression, anxiety, or trauma that you have been troubled by and need to blank out? You mentioned "group pressure", but that on its own doesn't seem pervasive enough to warrant a lifestyle. Do you have any ideas about why you want to consume psychoactive substances chronically? I'm not saying you have to have a reason, or that you have to be aware of one, or that you have to share it here. I'm just curious for more information as context for your anecdotal narrative. Does anyone else in your family use psychoactive drugs as a lifestyle choice?

TaylorAlexander 6y ago
My family has a history of alcohol use. The group pressure was only in college though. I think I experience a lot of stress. I always wanted to change the world growing up, and in the last ten years (I am 36 now) I really learned a lot about how awful some aspects of the world are. I am a deep empath so I have a hard time feeling okay when I know others are suffering. And with the US economy putting the poor at such a disadvantage, I feel pretty unhappy about that stuff all the time. I am in therapy and have been for 8 years, but I still just think a lot of stuff sucks and I can't really ignore that. Just think of the 2 million people in prison in the US. That system needs to change, and it's very easy to learn about that and struggle to not feel okay on the day to day because of that knowledge. However, marijuana helps, and is part of my coping strategy. Along with time outdoors and a lot of creative endeavors. I also really hate working for other people, so I am always trying to start startups or something. I don't like working a regular job. But this means that even though I have high value skills, I'm always experiencing some financial stress due to my desire for independence. I am not trying to say my work accomplishments are caused by my marijuana use, but that one can use marijuana daily and still accomplish great things. I do well despite my marijuana use. Possibly because of it, but that would be harder to prove. To me, marijuana seems fine. I don't want to do it forever. I am finally in a good place in my career where I am doing what I want. We still have to get through the "trough of disillusionment" on our project and I suspect there will be a lot of stress for some time, but hopefully we will get more traction and the stress will die down and the pandemic will end and I can find other ways to feel okay without vaping every day. But for now, I'm okay with it.
- wombatmobile 6y ago
  Thanks for responding with that extra background information. I feel like I have a lot in common with you - high empathy and awareness of systemic economic disadvantage. I have worked from home for decades in sw dev and pub, so I had the choice to smoke pot and I found it insulated me from what I didn't like about how society is organised. Like you, I found pot helped me to concentrate on work, and liberated me with creative endeavours, although managing it isn't so simple as flicking a switch by any means. I don't have a family history of alcohol use - the opposite. But I ran into endless legal problems 6 years ago when a major customer stiffed us for a lot of money, then 3 lawyers in a row exploited us while I was off caring full time for a relative. All the money we were owed went to lawyers fees. I ended up drinking just to get away from this awful feeling of being subjugated to injustice by the legal system. Then 2 years ago, we sorted out the legal problems and I no longer had to dwell on it. I stopped drinking for a while, but so much of my old life had disappeared, I was left with a void. I was happier, but I started drinking again, happily. After another year I just wanted to stop, but that was difficult. It is hard to change habits, but not impossible. I read about this subject, and learned some techniques, but my experiences taught me about the role that underlying stressors can play in the need for habits, which is why I asked you the question which you kindly responded to. I actually quit everything 7 months ago, and soon noticed how much I love the clarity. The sobriety is like a new drug. I really dig it. I do wonder how much the ayahuasca I imbibed in South America a few years ago has contributed to my newfound ability to appreciate sobriety, and to move on from my bad feelings about exploitative lawyers and my economic losses. I don't have any bitterness left. It's all reframed, by looking from outside myself. My empathic abilities can be applied to the lawyers who cheated us in a way that enabled me to move on. I can just see them as actors who did what they did in a way that isn't personal to me, and let it go.
  - TaylorAlexander 6y ago
    I had a longer reply but I was rate limited at the time. I just wanted to say I am glad you had that ayahuasca. I am sure it contributed. I am not religious per se but I do believe that psychedelics can provide some guidance from beyond the self. And I am glad you quit everything 7 months ago. I quit alcohol 11 months ago and it has been so good for me. You may appreciate psilocybin. It isn't something that is addictive IMO. The last time I tried it I had a lot of deep and serious thoughts and while it was helpful, it was also an intense experience and not the kind of thing you'd want to repeat regularly. However from what I hear it is much less intense than ayahuasca. Check out this podcast for more info: https://psychonauts.co.za/ https://psychonauts.co.za/ <3

TaylorAlexander 6y ago

My family has a history of alcohol use. The group pressure was only in college though. I think I experience a lot of stress. I always wanted to change the world growing up, and in the last ten years (I am 36 now) I really learned a lot about how awful some aspects of the world are. I am a deep empath so I have a hard time feeling okay when I know others are suffering. And with the US economy putting the poor at such a disadvantage, I feel pretty unhappy about that stuff all the time. I am in therapy and have been for 8 years, but I still just think a lot of stuff sucks and I can't really ignore that. Just think of the 2 million people in prison in the US. That system needs to change, and it's very easy to learn about that and struggle to not feel okay on the day to day because of that knowledge. However, marijuana helps, and is part of my coping strategy. Along with time outdoors and a lot of creative endeavors. I also really hate working for other people, so I am always trying to start startups or something. I don't like working a regular job. But this means that even though I have high value skills, I'm always experiencing some financial stress due to my desire for independence. I am not trying to say my work accomplishments are caused by my marijuana use, but that one can use marijuana daily and still accomplish great things. I do well despite my marijuana use. Possibly because of it, but that would be harder to prove. To me, marijuana seems fine. I don't want to do it forever. I am finally in a good place in my career where I am doing what I want. We still have to get through the "trough of disillusionment" on our project and I suspect there will be a lot of stress for some time, but hopefully we will get more traction and the stress will die down and the pandemic will end and I can find other ways to feel okay without vaping every day. But for now, I'm okay with it.

wombatmobile 6y ago
Thanks for responding with that extra background information. I feel like I have a lot in common with you - high empathy and awareness of systemic economic disadvantage. I have worked from home for decades in sw dev and pub, so I had the choice to smoke pot and I found it insulated me from what I didn't like about how society is organised. Like you, I found pot helped me to concentrate on work, and liberated me with creative endeavours, although managing it isn't so simple as flicking a switch by any means. I don't have a family history of alcohol use - the opposite. But I ran into endless legal problems 6 years ago when a major customer stiffed us for a lot of money, then 3 lawyers in a row exploited us while I was off caring full time for a relative. All the money we were owed went to lawyers fees. I ended up drinking just to get away from this awful feeling of being subjugated to injustice by the legal system. Then 2 years ago, we sorted out the legal problems and I no longer had to dwell on it. I stopped drinking for a while, but so much of my old life had disappeared, I was left with a void. I was happier, but I started drinking again, happily. After another year I just wanted to stop, but that was difficult. It is hard to change habits, but not impossible. I read about this subject, and learned some techniques, but my experiences taught me about the role that underlying stressors can play in the need for habits, which is why I asked you the question which you kindly responded to. I actually quit everything 7 months ago, and soon noticed how much I love the clarity. The sobriety is like a new drug. I really dig it. I do wonder how much the ayahuasca I imbibed in South America a few years ago has contributed to my newfound ability to appreciate sobriety, and to move on from my bad feelings about exploitative lawyers and my economic losses. I don't have any bitterness left. It's all reframed, by looking from outside myself. My empathic abilities can be applied to the lawyers who cheated us in a way that enabled me to move on. I can just see them as actors who did what they did in a way that isn't personal to me, and let it go.
- TaylorAlexander 6y ago
  I had a longer reply but I was rate limited at the time. I just wanted to say I am glad you had that ayahuasca. I am sure it contributed. I am not religious per se but I do believe that psychedelics can provide some guidance from beyond the self. And I am glad you quit everything 7 months ago. I quit alcohol 11 months ago and it has been so good for me. You may appreciate psilocybin. It isn't something that is addictive IMO. The last time I tried it I had a lot of deep and serious thoughts and while it was helpful, it was also an intense experience and not the kind of thing you'd want to repeat regularly. However from what I hear it is much less intense than ayahuasca. Check out this podcast for more info: https://psychonauts.co.za/ https://psychonauts.co.za/ <3