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Thank you for your story. I just wanted to offer an alternative view on regular drug use. I vape marijuana every day. After college I became an alcoholic after

Thank you for your story. I just wanted to offer an alternative view on regular drug use. I vape marijuana every day. After college I became an alcoholic after having stayed totally sober until age 21. Binge drinking college parties left me and my friends binge drinking well after college. It was bad, though I never lost a job. I’d tried marijuana several times and often felt overwhelmed with it. It would take me more than ten years to realize why those incidents happened - group pressure to take huge hits of marijuana left me feeling way too high. A deeply uncomfortable feeling. But marijuana helped me quit alcohol. I do not consider it the healthiest option nor do I recommend to anyone that they consume marijuana. But I would push back that it is always a bad idea. For my health I only vape marijuana and I keep the doses very small. I know it may still lead to health problems and I hope some day I don’t feel the need to do it. But it seems to help. I’ve stopped for weeks at a time and it’s fine. But I seem to prefer having a bit of marijuana every day. And I really don’t think that’s bad for me personally. I’m a successful robotics engineer. I worked for two years at Google X robotics while consuming marijuana daily and they filed two patents for my work during that time. Since then I’ve gone off to co-found a farming robotics organization that is about to announce our open source farming robot that I designed and built pretty much all myself. I think we should take a more open minded approach to drug use. Some people may find that certain drugs work for them. Certainly I am achieving my life goals while vaping marijuana daily. I don’t really think it’s best for me long term, but it seems to be what’s working for me now.

kortilla 6y ago
It’s not clear to me from your post what the upside was for daily marijuana use is. It sounds like it kept you from reaching for the bottle, which I’m supporting of; but, what does it provide for someone who is not an alcoholic?
- TaylorAlexander 6y ago
  Well you'll mostly have to take my word for it. But I think in general it helps with morning body pain, general mood, and some creativity. I'm well aware of other healthy choices I could be making to help with those things, but for whatever reason I find marijuana a convenient supplement. It is not the healthiest option but I don't consider it "bad" either.
- dm03514 6y ago
  I recently went through a similar experience. It initially helped me to stop drinking. I pretty much swapped out alcohol for marijuana. Alcohol felt really bad for me physical, emotionally, and mentally. And marijuana doesn’t. I found a lot of other benefits: - unwind and integrate my brain. As an engineer my brain is constantly is “solve” mode, always thinking about problems at work or side projects. Marijuana stops that, my thoughts and brain feels much more integrated. - easier to focus and be present with my kids. I wish that I could just sit and enjoy long periods of time with my kids, but my head is always uneasy, checking work, phone, thinking about problems. Marijuana dials that back and lets me be present and focused - emotional introspection. I had some pretty shitty things happen to me in childhood. I’ve never really reflected on them. I’ve started to repeat some of the abusive behaviors that I experienced growing up. Marijuana has helped me to really introspect my emotions and be open to integrating that trauma - helps relieve low level anxiety and depression, it’s uplifting. I eat low dosage edibles most nights and positive mood effects linger through the next day - it’s just fun :$ it feels good and is recreational. Music sounds different, food tastes more intense I never would have guessed It would be so positive for me. I smoked for a couple months In my late teens until it started making me paranoid. I never would have guessed It would provide me so much benefit. I certainly would never ever have guessed I would become a daily user in my later 30s AND it would significantly improve my quality of life
  - abraxas 6y ago
    Wow, nearly the same experience here although my main aim was to alleviate the immense anxiety I faced for years. The various prescription drugs were not helping so I decided to self medicate and bought edibles when they became legal here. It was like a damn miracle. All my tension and irrational scares melted away. I just hope my use won't build up too much tolerance and the effects will last.
  - andrei_says_ 6y ago
    Are you saying that you can use one day and have a fresh engineer brain the next? In my experience the “veil” remains for days and takes close to a week to dissipate.
- jrowen 6y ago
  The answer to that varies from person to person. It may provide nothing. Many people have tried it numerous times and don’t like how it makes them feel. You really just have to be the judge of that for yourself. For me it helps slow down my brain a bit, quelling distracting thoughts and anxieties running through my head so I can focus a bit better. It’s also useful for unwinding and relaxing at the end of the day, and I find that my thoughts are a bit more creative and inventive, if a bit slower. Set and setting are very important as well, usually it’s best at home or in other relaxed environments. Being high at work or in public is often a pretty terrible experience, for me at least.
  - TaylorAlexander 6y ago
    I agree that it can help with focus. I learned to do engineering while consuming marijuana by working on personal projects in the evenings at home. I found that in the right setting and with the right dosage marijuana seems to help me achieve a "flow state" of focus. Of course, too much and you'll dash your short term memory and forget what you're working on. Its no silver bullet but I seem to have learned a lot about how to use it by now.
joegahona 6y ago
Are there potential lung issues with vaping that much? I.e. if you're going to do it daily, why not edibles? (If you're in a state that allows that.) Somewhat related -- I used to drink a ton, and though I don't think I was an alcoholic, drinking was part of my life and was terrible for my mood and my weight. I'd get very drunk 2-3 times a week, and the other days I'd drink 3-4 IPAs after work, or get a six pack of really strong beer on the way home from work. Lots of drinking alone. One day I saw a coworker in the checkout line at a store after work, and all I was buying was a bottle of wine. I felt really ashamed, which is a huge red flag. Gave it up "for a month," which turned into two months, and now 6.5 years without any. I do vape/edibles/mints, but it has nowhere _near_ the allure that alcohol had, and I'll go 6 months without it, then a few days in a row, then another irregular pause, etc. Still have dreams that I'm in some bar drinking, and in the dream I'll think, "I just drink one or two, then stop." It's so relieving waking up!
- TaylorAlexander 6y ago
  I can only imagine there are potential lung issues. I am also worried about hot vapors hitting the back of my throat, so one thing I have adapted is that I never turn up the temp of the vape to get the last few hits out. That helps. Edibles would be better from a health perspective, but they provide a very different effect to vaping. I do have some edible tincture which I mostly only ever have when I'm very sick and playing video games all day. But I vape a pure sativa for it's feelings of wakefulness, and it is hard to find pure sativa edibles. They do exist though, and I think some day I may switch to them. But they take much longer to take effect and they last much longer. I think they also have different psychoactive effects, but that may be down to the different strains used in the edibles I have found. I've been there with the drinking. Good on you for going 6.5 years! In my original story I left out some details. Marijuana helped me break my nightly binge drinking habit but I continued to drink recreationally for some years. However currently it has been 10 months since I have had any alcohol and I feel great. No interest in starting back up. The plan was to go at least a year but even when the pandemic ends and parties start up again (end of this year maybe) I might just continue to abstain. Alcohol has not been good for me. I am very happy to be away from it.
  - 6y ago
wombatmobile 6y ago
Your narrative describes alcohol and cannabis usage, on the one hand, and work achievements on the other hand. I understand that you are using that latter as a way to establish the benefits of the former, or at least to show an absence of detrimental effect. But can you can identify why you might be reaching for psychoactive substances in the first place? Did you experience depression, anxiety, or trauma that you have been troubled by and need to blank out? You mentioned "group pressure", but that on its own doesn't seem pervasive enough to warrant a lifestyle. Do you have any ideas about why you want to consume psychoactive substances chronically? I'm not saying you have to have a reason, or that you have to be aware of one, or that you have to share it here. I'm just curious for more information as context for your anecdotal narrative. Does anyone else in your family use psychoactive drugs as a lifestyle choice?
- TaylorAlexander 6y ago
  My family has a history of alcohol use. The group pressure was only in college though. I think I experience a lot of stress. I always wanted to change the world growing up, and in the last ten years (I am 36 now) I really learned a lot about how awful some aspects of the world are. I am a deep empath so I have a hard time feeling okay when I know others are suffering. And with the US economy putting the poor at such a disadvantage, I feel pretty unhappy about that stuff all the time. I am in therapy and have been for 8 years, but I still just think a lot of stuff sucks and I can't really ignore that. Just think of the 2 million people in prison in the US. That system needs to change, and it's very easy to learn about that and struggle to not feel okay on the day to day because of that knowledge. However, marijuana helps, and is part of my coping strategy. Along with time outdoors and a lot of creative endeavors. I also really hate working for other people, so I am always trying to start startups or something. I don't like working a regular job. But this means that even though I have high value skills, I'm always experiencing some financial stress due to my desire for independence. I am not trying to say my work accomplishments are caused by my marijuana use, but that one can use marijuana daily and still accomplish great things. I do well despite my marijuana use. Possibly because of it, but that would be harder to prove. To me, marijuana seems fine. I don't want to do it forever. I am finally in a good place in my career where I am doing what I want. We still have to get through the "trough of disillusionment" on our project and I suspect there will be a lot of stress for some time, but hopefully we will get more traction and the stress will die down and the pandemic will end and I can find other ways to feel okay without vaping every day. But for now, I'm okay with it.
deleted 6y ago
[deleted]
global-citizen 6y ago
Thank you very much for your story too. I'm actively locked in a functional alcoholic state and have been on-and-off for almost three decades. I find I can do a month sober but then I just get back on it afterwards. I've tried weed of various types and in nearly every form factor but have been unable to shake the potency of it (makes me super paranoid and that's not a manageable side effect for me). However, when I do have it, it's impossible for me to drink so it's hard to look past it's effectiveness in trying to treat the root issue, alcoholism. My question to you is, what's a small dose for you and how are you vaping it? Thanks again, I am going back on the wagon today so this thread has been particular interesting.
- TaylorAlexander 6y ago
  I have two vaporizers. A Pax3 handheld vape and an Arizer desktop tower vape. I am currently vaping Oakland store-bought "shake" weed which says it is 12.79% THC, so its on the low potency side. I use a pure sativa so it does not make me feel sluggish (an "indica" will provide "couch-lock" which is an all body effect that makes you want to sit down and not move - so I avoid those). Be warned that sativa is the type that can cause high anxiety. It varies by strain, and you can look up reviews of different strains on leafly.com or weedmaps.com Both vape devices I own have a "bowl" for filling with ground flower. I tend to replace the bowl in each approximately once every three days right now with low potency flower. The dosage of drug falls off exponentially with the freshness of the bowl so the first hit on a newly packed bowl will be MUCH stronger than the last hit of the old bowl - something to be very careful with as you can get yourself trying to take a big draw off an old bowl, then you replace it, and suddenly if you're not careful to re-adjust your dosage it will be too much. So be careful there. I basically have a small dose when I wake up with my morning coffee, then puff on my handheld vape during the day being careful to regulate so that I can still write software (and puffing a bit more if I have an hour of mechanical robot assembly to work on or something mindless). And then I have a bit more than those lower doses in the evening after I've gotten home and settled in. I have roommates that vape using weed-concentrate on a torch-heated quartz crystal which is why I say my dose is small. I go through way less product than them. Because potency builds over time, even my conservative hits are probably larger than what you would want. I highly recommend the vape for long term use. But a pipe or whatever you have on hand is fine to try for now. If you want to experiment with marijuana without having too much, here is what I would recommend: Get some low potency hybrid (mixed indica sativa) weed. Look up reviews of the strain on leafly.com or weedmaps.com and make sure it is not one that will trigger paranoia. Then, take the TEENYIEST amount you can imagine (the size of a pea or less), and smoke it. Then have no more the rest of the night. It is not necessary to combust the entire sample. Just take one hit. You will feel it, but I believe one small hit of low potency marijuana will not cause the anxiety effects I have known. I suspect that would be okay for you. You may want to have a friend or loved one around to monitor you, although marijuana is relatively safe. It is worth it to quit alcohol. In my original story I did not mention that I continued to drink recreationally for a long time, but marijuana did help me break my binge drinking. However for 2020 I decided to quit drinking for at least one year. That started in March 2020 and it has been 10 months without alcohol. I am VERY happy for it. I feel so much better. I do not want alcohol and I am not planning to try it when one year is up. You can do this. My email is in my profile if you'd like to follow up with me in a month or two. I am curious if this helps you. I wish you the best, and I love you.

kortilla 6y ago

It’s not clear to me from your post what the upside was for daily marijuana use is. It sounds like it kept you from reaching for the bottle, which I’m supporting of; but, what does it provide for someone who is not an alcoholic?

TaylorAlexander 6y ago
Well you'll mostly have to take my word for it. But I think in general it helps with morning body pain, general mood, and some creativity. I'm well aware of other healthy choices I could be making to help with those things, but for whatever reason I find marijuana a convenient supplement. It is not the healthiest option but I don't consider it "bad" either.
dm03514 6y ago
I recently went through a similar experience. It initially helped me to stop drinking. I pretty much swapped out alcohol for marijuana. Alcohol felt really bad for me physical, emotionally, and mentally. And marijuana doesn’t. I found a lot of other benefits: - unwind and integrate my brain. As an engineer my brain is constantly is “solve” mode, always thinking about problems at work or side projects. Marijuana stops that, my thoughts and brain feels much more integrated. - easier to focus and be present with my kids. I wish that I could just sit and enjoy long periods of time with my kids, but my head is always uneasy, checking work, phone, thinking about problems. Marijuana dials that back and lets me be present and focused - emotional introspection. I had some pretty shitty things happen to me in childhood. I’ve never really reflected on them. I’ve started to repeat some of the abusive behaviors that I experienced growing up. Marijuana has helped me to really introspect my emotions and be open to integrating that trauma - helps relieve low level anxiety and depression, it’s uplifting. I eat low dosage edibles most nights and positive mood effects linger through the next day - it’s just fun :$ it feels good and is recreational. Music sounds different, food tastes more intense I never would have guessed It would be so positive for me. I smoked for a couple months In my late teens until it started making me paranoid. I never would have guessed It would provide me so much benefit. I certainly would never ever have guessed I would become a daily user in my later 30s AND it would significantly improve my quality of life
- abraxas 6y ago
  Wow, nearly the same experience here although my main aim was to alleviate the immense anxiety I faced for years. The various prescription drugs were not helping so I decided to self medicate and bought edibles when they became legal here. It was like a damn miracle. All my tension and irrational scares melted away. I just hope my use won't build up too much tolerance and the effects will last.
- andrei_says_ 6y ago
  Are you saying that you can use one day and have a fresh engineer brain the next? In my experience the “veil” remains for days and takes close to a week to dissipate.
jrowen 6y ago
The answer to that varies from person to person. It may provide nothing. Many people have tried it numerous times and don’t like how it makes them feel. You really just have to be the judge of that for yourself. For me it helps slow down my brain a bit, quelling distracting thoughts and anxieties running through my head so I can focus a bit better. It’s also useful for unwinding and relaxing at the end of the day, and I find that my thoughts are a bit more creative and inventive, if a bit slower. Set and setting are very important as well, usually it’s best at home or in other relaxed environments. Being high at work or in public is often a pretty terrible experience, for me at least.
- TaylorAlexander 6y ago
  I agree that it can help with focus. I learned to do engineering while consuming marijuana by working on personal projects in the evenings at home. I found that in the right setting and with the right dosage marijuana seems to help me achieve a "flow state" of focus. Of course, too much and you'll dash your short term memory and forget what you're working on. Its no silver bullet but I seem to have learned a lot about how to use it by now.

joegahona 6y ago

Are there potential lung issues with vaping that much? I.e. if you're going to do it daily, why not edibles? (If you're in a state that allows that.) Somewhat related -- I used to drink a ton, and though I don't think I was an alcoholic, drinking was part of my life and was terrible for my mood and my weight. I'd get very drunk 2-3 times a week, and the other days I'd drink 3-4 IPAs after work, or get a six pack of really strong beer on the way home from work. Lots of drinking alone. One day I saw a coworker in the checkout line at a store after work, and all I was buying was a bottle of wine. I felt really ashamed, which is a huge red flag. Gave it up "for a month," which turned into two months, and now 6.5 years without any. I do vape/edibles/mints, but it has nowhere _near_ the allure that alcohol had, and I'll go 6 months without it, then a few days in a row, then another irregular pause, etc. Still have dreams that I'm in some bar drinking, and in the dream I'll think, "I just drink one or two, then stop." It's so relieving waking up!

TaylorAlexander 6y ago
I can only imagine there are potential lung issues. I am also worried about hot vapors hitting the back of my throat, so one thing I have adapted is that I never turn up the temp of the vape to get the last few hits out. That helps. Edibles would be better from a health perspective, but they provide a very different effect to vaping. I do have some edible tincture which I mostly only ever have when I'm very sick and playing video games all day. But I vape a pure sativa for it's feelings of wakefulness, and it is hard to find pure sativa edibles. They do exist though, and I think some day I may switch to them. But they take much longer to take effect and they last much longer. I think they also have different psychoactive effects, but that may be down to the different strains used in the edibles I have found. I've been there with the drinking. Good on you for going 6.5 years! In my original story I left out some details. Marijuana helped me break my nightly binge drinking habit but I continued to drink recreationally for some years. However currently it has been 10 months since I have had any alcohol and I feel great. No interest in starting back up. The plan was to go at least a year but even when the pandemic ends and parties start up again (end of this year maybe) I might just continue to abstain. Alcohol has not been good for me. I am very happy to be away from it.
- 6y ago

wombatmobile 6y ago

Your narrative describes alcohol and cannabis usage, on the one hand, and work achievements on the other hand. I understand that you are using that latter as a way to establish the benefits of the former, or at least to show an absence of detrimental effect. But can you can identify why you might be reaching for psychoactive substances in the first place? Did you experience depression, anxiety, or trauma that you have been troubled by and need to blank out? You mentioned "group pressure", but that on its own doesn't seem pervasive enough to warrant a lifestyle. Do you have any ideas about why you want to consume psychoactive substances chronically? I'm not saying you have to have a reason, or that you have to be aware of one, or that you have to share it here. I'm just curious for more information as context for your anecdotal narrative. Does anyone else in your family use psychoactive drugs as a lifestyle choice?

TaylorAlexander 6y ago
My family has a history of alcohol use. The group pressure was only in college though. I think I experience a lot of stress. I always wanted to change the world growing up, and in the last ten years (I am 36 now) I really learned a lot about how awful some aspects of the world are. I am a deep empath so I have a hard time feeling okay when I know others are suffering. And with the US economy putting the poor at such a disadvantage, I feel pretty unhappy about that stuff all the time. I am in therapy and have been for 8 years, but I still just think a lot of stuff sucks and I can't really ignore that. Just think of the 2 million people in prison in the US. That system needs to change, and it's very easy to learn about that and struggle to not feel okay on the day to day because of that knowledge. However, marijuana helps, and is part of my coping strategy. Along with time outdoors and a lot of creative endeavors. I also really hate working for other people, so I am always trying to start startups or something. I don't like working a regular job. But this means that even though I have high value skills, I'm always experiencing some financial stress due to my desire for independence. I am not trying to say my work accomplishments are caused by my marijuana use, but that one can use marijuana daily and still accomplish great things. I do well despite my marijuana use. Possibly because of it, but that would be harder to prove. To me, marijuana seems fine. I don't want to do it forever. I am finally in a good place in my career where I am doing what I want. We still have to get through the "trough of disillusionment" on our project and I suspect there will be a lot of stress for some time, but hopefully we will get more traction and the stress will die down and the pandemic will end and I can find other ways to feel okay without vaping every day. But for now, I'm okay with it.

deleted 6y ago

[deleted]

global-citizen 6y ago

Thank you very much for your story too. I'm actively locked in a functional alcoholic state and have been on-and-off for almost three decades. I find I can do a month sober but then I just get back on it afterwards. I've tried weed of various types and in nearly every form factor but have been unable to shake the potency of it (makes me super paranoid and that's not a manageable side effect for me). However, when I do have it, it's impossible for me to drink so it's hard to look past it's effectiveness in trying to treat the root issue, alcoholism. My question to you is, what's a small dose for you and how are you vaping it? Thanks again, I am going back on the wagon today so this thread has been particular interesting.

TaylorAlexander 6y ago
I have two vaporizers. A Pax3 handheld vape and an Arizer desktop tower vape. I am currently vaping Oakland store-bought "shake" weed which says it is 12.79% THC, so its on the low potency side. I use a pure sativa so it does not make me feel sluggish (an "indica" will provide "couch-lock" which is an all body effect that makes you want to sit down and not move - so I avoid those). Be warned that sativa is the type that can cause high anxiety. It varies by strain, and you can look up reviews of different strains on leafly.com or weedmaps.com Both vape devices I own have a "bowl" for filling with ground flower. I tend to replace the bowl in each approximately once every three days right now with low potency flower. The dosage of drug falls off exponentially with the freshness of the bowl so the first hit on a newly packed bowl will be MUCH stronger than the last hit of the old bowl - something to be very careful with as you can get yourself trying to take a big draw off an old bowl, then you replace it, and suddenly if you're not careful to re-adjust your dosage it will be too much. So be careful there. I basically have a small dose when I wake up with my morning coffee, then puff on my handheld vape during the day being careful to regulate so that I can still write software (and puffing a bit more if I have an hour of mechanical robot assembly to work on or something mindless). And then I have a bit more than those lower doses in the evening after I've gotten home and settled in. I have roommates that vape using weed-concentrate on a torch-heated quartz crystal which is why I say my dose is small. I go through way less product than them. Because potency builds over time, even my conservative hits are probably larger than what you would want. I highly recommend the vape for long term use. But a pipe or whatever you have on hand is fine to try for now. If you want to experiment with marijuana without having too much, here is what I would recommend: Get some low potency hybrid (mixed indica sativa) weed. Look up reviews of the strain on leafly.com or weedmaps.com and make sure it is not one that will trigger paranoia. Then, take the TEENYIEST amount you can imagine (the size of a pea or less), and smoke it. Then have no more the rest of the night. It is not necessary to combust the entire sample. Just take one hit. You will feel it, but I believe one small hit of low potency marijuana will not cause the anxiety effects I have known. I suspect that would be okay for you. You may want to have a friend or loved one around to monitor you, although marijuana is relatively safe. It is worth it to quit alcohol. In my original story I did not mention that I continued to drink recreationally for a long time, but marijuana did help me break my binge drinking. However for 2020 I decided to quit drinking for at least one year. That started in March 2020 and it has been 10 months without alcohol. I am VERY happy for it. I feel so much better. I do not want alcohol and I am not planning to try it when one year is up. You can do this. My email is in my profile if you'd like to follow up with me in a month or two. I am curious if this helps you. I wish you the best, and I love you.