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I wanted to let you know that you probably did nothing wrong. The people you were working for were probably just like you a few years ago and when they first ar

by zcw100 6y ago

I wanted to let you know that you probably did nothing wrong. The people you were working for were probably just like you a few years ago and when they first arrived the guy they worked for was a prick just like they were to you. They knew nothing and their job was on the line. They probably went home every night for a year, puked their guts out and frantically did everything they could to learn as quickly as they could while during the day keeping their head down, and trying to keep the look of panic off their faces. Now they're established, they've got their place. That boss that they struggled under is still there and they're going to do to you exactly what he did to them. It's like hazing. Sure one of them might choose to break the cycle and take you under their wing but they're taking the risk that after you learn the ropes you'll go to their sadistic boss and stab them in the back. You know you'd never do that but this is a workplace where everyone stabs everyone else in the back so why not. Also don't think that there hasn't been someone that's already tried that and got stabbed in the back so everyone has seen it and knows what can happen so they're not going to do that. What they were probably looking for were two things. You could take a certain amount of shit and not fight back or at least fight back but only to a limit. They wanted to know that you knew your place. The second thing is they wanted to know if they could trust you. Until they know that you're not going to go to their boss and say something like, "I have no idea what they're doing. They don't even know XYX hot new tech" you're an enemy. Not staying there very long was probably a blessing. Working in these environments can leave some serious scars. You read about stuff in history books were you think, "wow, how can someone be so angry that they do such terrible things to other people" then you work at a place like this and you find yourself thinking, "if I came across him in the parking lot having a heart attack I'd step over the body and smile the whole ride home." Then you'll know.

pdimitar 6y ago
You know what? That sounds plausible. Hurt people often pass on the pain to the newer members of any team (including families). I did get the general vibe that this is some kind of a rite of passage -- the unsaid message of "figure it all out by yourself or you're not worthy". I also did get the vibe they are tired and overworked (hence they needed several new people in the team). But the strongest impression was of a formerly tight-knit team of people who are now forced to work remotely and who are begrudgingly admitting they need help, and were also strongly introverted -- to make matters even worse. That mix led to the situation described previously: I got more and more paralyzed and hesitant to ask for help as time went by, and my daily efficiency dropped to almost zero. The thing that hurt me was how annoyed the team acted when I asked every question. One nasty (but pretty normal) response was "read Tilt docs" and it really didn't help me when it turned out that a special Python code line had to be put because my local k8s install refused to even initialize its network interfaces without much of an error indication until I drilled way down. I did not feel any triumph when the guy I did a screen-share session with finally admitted that they might have thrown me into too deep a pit and that yeah, my setup turned out more difficult than theirs and that yeah, last they did it the cluster was smaller and easier to configure. I never did once thought to say: "HA! TOLD YOU SO!" -- I was just very saddened. It's easy for one to give in to negative thoughts and to second-guess themselves but discussing with people -- including yourself -- in this sub-thread did give me more clarity and showed me that it wasn't only me who was at fault. Thank you.

by zcw100 6y ago

pdimitar 6y ago

You know what? That sounds plausible. Hurt people often pass on the pain to the newer members of any team (including families). I did get the general vibe that this is some kind of a rite of passage -- the unsaid message of "figure it all out by yourself or you're not worthy". I also did get the vibe they are tired and overworked (hence they needed several new people in the team). But the strongest impression was of a formerly tight-knit team of people who are now forced to work remotely and who are begrudgingly admitting they need help, and were also strongly introverted -- to make matters even worse. That mix led to the situation described previously: I got more and more paralyzed and hesitant to ask for help as time went by, and my daily efficiency dropped to almost zero. The thing that hurt me was how annoyed the team acted when I asked every question. One nasty (but pretty normal) response was "read Tilt docs" and it really didn't help me when it turned out that a special Python code line had to be put because my local k8s install refused to even initialize its network interfaces without much of an error indication until I drilled way down. I did not feel any triumph when the guy I did a screen-share session with finally admitted that they might have thrown me into too deep a pit and that yeah, my setup turned out more difficult than theirs and that yeah, last they did it the cluster was smaller and easier to configure. I never did once thought to say: "HA! TOLD YOU SO!" -- I was just very saddened. It's easy for one to give in to negative thoughts and to second-guess themselves but discussing with people -- including yourself -- in this sub-thread did give me more clarity and showed me that it wasn't only me who was at fault. Thank you.