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I like and enjoy a good and friendly commercial transaction. I just don't consider it a real friendship, and I think this is potentially dangerous thinking. Yo

I like and enjoy a good and friendly commercial transaction. I just don't consider it a real friendship, and I think this is potentially dangerous thinking. Your counterpart is being paid to form that connection with you, and you are in a specific position of power over them in that situation. It's nice, in the moment, to be given service - by someone working in a service industry (this is certainly not unique to the suburbs) - but I find it odd that you seem to describe this as a satisfying personal relationship. You will likely never see that person again, whenever they stop doing that job. Your connection and their connection is to the transaction, which includes a personal element at your behest. If you had said: and I often see them outside of work, then I would consider that slightly differently.

AmericanChopper 6y ago
But I’m not talking about having “real friendships”, I’m talking about community. A community is just a type of social unit, and people who deride a lack of community tend to be talking about the lack of that social dynamic. There is not much socialization involved with placing an order at Starbucks and waiting for my name to be called out. There is a much greater level of socialization involved when I go to my local coffee shop, where I know the staff, and we talk for a few minutes about how our lives are going before I head off again. That’s even more true when I stop and talk with some of the other regulars that I’ve gotten to know. That’s just typical community social interaction. That said, I do have “real friendships” with a number of people that I’ve meet in these settings. Because, perhaps unsurprisingly, a nice local community can be a good place to find new friends.
ntsplnkv2 6y ago
See this is exactly it - everyone overthinks everything. Everything has to be "Real friendship" What does that even mean? You're just talking to others to be a decent human being. Not everyone has to be your wife/husband/BFF for ever. I've seen plenty of people after commercial transactions. In fact, many times I remember people and they remember me for pleasant interactions - they aren't my best man but it's still really satisfying to me.
- throwaway2245 6y ago
  Great! This is not a benefit of living in the suburbs. You can have a pleasant commercial transaction anywhere in the world - you pay for that.
  - ntsplnkv2 6y ago
    The point the OP way back when is making is you can be social in suburban circumstances. It just goes back to the common theme these days - everything is something or someone else's fault. No one ever just says " man I'm feeling lonely, maybe I should join this club, or start going to this coffee shop and just strike up conversation." No we have to "blame the suburbs" and "blame cars." No one wants to just take responsibility for themselves, they just want to complain about everything else causing their problems online.
anonfornoreason 6y ago
When you talk to the butcher once every couple weeks, and enjoy the interaction every time and think “that person is all right”, you have a solid foundation for empathy and understanding. One week you pull up to the butcher shop and see them get out of their car and it has a political bumper sticker different than yours. Instead of thinking “that person is other, an abstract concept that I am supposed to fight against” you might say to yourself “huh didn’t expect joe to be a ___”. But you most likely don’t start disliking joe. Obviously there are many other benefits of regular friendly small interactions with people, but this one has stood out in my mind over the last couple polarizing years.

AmericanChopper 6y ago

But I’m not talking about having “real friendships”, I’m talking about community. A community is just a type of social unit, and people who deride a lack of community tend to be talking about the lack of that social dynamic. There is not much socialization involved with placing an order at Starbucks and waiting for my name to be called out. There is a much greater level of socialization involved when I go to my local coffee shop, where I know the staff, and we talk for a few minutes about how our lives are going before I head off again. That’s even more true when I stop and talk with some of the other regulars that I’ve gotten to know. That’s just typical community social interaction. That said, I do have “real friendships” with a number of people that I’ve meet in these settings. Because, perhaps unsurprisingly, a nice local community can be a good place to find new friends.

ntsplnkv2 6y ago

See this is exactly it - everyone overthinks everything. Everything has to be "Real friendship" What does that even mean? You're just talking to others to be a decent human being. Not everyone has to be your wife/husband/BFF for ever. I've seen plenty of people after commercial transactions. In fact, many times I remember people and they remember me for pleasant interactions - they aren't my best man but it's still really satisfying to me.

throwaway2245 6y ago
Great! This is not a benefit of living in the suburbs. You can have a pleasant commercial transaction anywhere in the world - you pay for that.
- ntsplnkv2 6y ago
  The point the OP way back when is making is you can be social in suburban circumstances. It just goes back to the common theme these days - everything is something or someone else's fault. No one ever just says " man I'm feeling lonely, maybe I should join this club, or start going to this coffee shop and just strike up conversation." No we have to "blame the suburbs" and "blame cars." No one wants to just take responsibility for themselves, they just want to complain about everything else causing their problems online.

anonfornoreason 6y ago

When you talk to the butcher once every couple weeks, and enjoy the interaction every time and think “that person is all right”, you have a solid foundation for empathy and understanding. One week you pull up to the butcher shop and see them get out of their car and it has a political bumper sticker different than yours. Instead of thinking “that person is other, an abstract concept that I am supposed to fight against” you might say to yourself “huh didn’t expect joe to be a ___”. But you most likely don’t start disliking joe. Obviously there are many other benefits of regular friendly small interactions with people, but this one has stood out in my mind over the last couple polarizing years.