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For some reason, I find meaning in pushing myself as far as I can, despite the constant stress it entails. A family member has commented more than once “why do

For some reason, I find meaning in pushing myself as far as I can, despite the constant stress it entails. A family member has commented more than once “why do you have to obsess over everything you do to the point of sucking all of the fun out of it?” But to me, the obsession is what makes it rewarding. I guess my view is that anything worth doing is worth overdoing. It’s not enough to play piano as a hobby; I have to do it 12 hours at a time. It’s not enough to get into cooking; I have to read all of the archived blog posts I can find from world class chefs and attempt to duplicate their approach at home with week long meals. I’m not really sure why I am this way, but I do know that the periods in my life when I have tried to not be this way have been some of the most miserable.

RankingMember 6y ago
At least in my own experience, when I take things in my life this way, I burn out on them fast. Consistency becomes elusive, and without consistency, real long-term progress is very difficult to achieve.
- dstick 6y ago
  So true. The compound effect.
- jborden13 6y ago
  Totally. If my hobbies and fun activities are starting to feel more like a job rather than fun, I'm out.
- Frye 6y ago
  At least in my own experience, when I do not do things consistently, real long-term progress is difficult to achieve. And that is what makes me obsess over things like OP.
subdane 6y ago
Your handle and comment complement one another.
- joshxyz 6y ago
  Username checks out!
grenoire 6y ago
This burns me out. Might be different for you. I try to pursue things to the level of just being good at it. I relate to you, but I know that pushing myself to the extreme is not joyous. Tried, succeeded in excellence, and then mentally crashed.
nix23 6y ago
You speak directly from my heart of my former younger self. Never stop being obsessed, what i learned that obsession and fun needs to be one (for sure it's not always that fun but at the end of the day/week/month it has to be)
waihtis 6y ago
Dont say it like it’s a bad thing. We have limited time here, why not make the most out of it?
- Dudeman112 6y ago
  Excessive levels of obsession can lead to unhealthy behaviors that might reduce the overall amount of what you make out of it. Alternatively: people generally can walk further than they can run.
  - TeMPOraL 6y ago
    On the other hand, constant context switching makes the cost of switching dominate the cost of activities. Less switching seems more efficient. (And before someone says life is not about efficiency - it is. Getting your life to be more how you like it for less effort is a good thing.)
    - Dudeman112 6y ago
      Yup, constant context switching is costly. And yet most people's code (in my team at least) after 6-7 hours of work tend to be crap and is usually refactored later when they are fresh. For it to count as "constant" in humans it has be in periods smaller than what period of time the individual can stay focused... Which is anywhere between 30 minutes and 1 hour, for most people.
      - TeMPOraL 6y ago
        > And yet most people's code (in my team at least) after 6-7 hours of work tend to be crap and is usually refactored later when they are fresh. I've observed that, and it's definitely the case for me too - but often, the choice isn't between crappy code in a day vs. good code in two - it's a choice between crappy code in a day and no code at all. > For it to count as "constant" in humans it has be in periods smaller than what period of time the individual can stay focused... Which is anywhere between 30 minutes and 1 hour, for most people. Don't forget to count the time it takes to spool up to achieve focused productivity. Which can easily be 30 minutes or more.
AnIdiotOnTheNet 6y ago
> But to me, the obsession is what makes it rewarding. I guess my view is that anything worth doing is worth overdoing. My father is like this. I've described him as a "serial obsessionist". I recognize in myself several unhealthy behaviors that likely developed due to his influence in this regard.
- powvans 6y ago
  Same here. The whole thread is giving me a great chuckle. My son often asks, "why did Granddaddy do all this?" And I reply, "because for Granddaddy, anything worth doing is worth overdoing." Awesome to see that phrase repeated elsewhere.
  - AnIdiotOnTheNet 6y ago
    > "because for Granddaddy, anything worth doing is worth overdoing." One wonders if there is a correlation between this trait and people who end up in tech these days. The rampant overengineering and workaholism would suggest the possibility.
ConfusedDog 6y ago
A lot of people are obsessed on things are interested at the time. So is my younger self. Now I can mostly control myself by learning it’s time to let it go and being selective on what I should be obsessed about.
nullsense 6y ago
>I’m not really sure why I am this way, but I do know that the periods in my life when I have tried to not be this way have been some of the most miserable After getting diagnosed with ADHD last year at 32 a lot of things in my life made sense, including why I tend to focus on whatever I'm interested to the exclusion of almost all other things and just get into things way, way too intensely. There is no getting a little bit interested in something and just engaging with things casually for me. If I get into something it gets extreme. That can last 3 days, 3 weeks, 3 months, or 3 years. I tend to like it when it's 3 years as the short duration hyperfocus tends to lead to a lot of impulse buys related to the obsession that then become useless once I'm no longer interested. The times when it goes for years I wind up outstripping my peers as most noone can match the time and intensity I put in.
- fantod 6y ago
  What does this have to do with ADHD? I've always been this way as well. Do I have ADHD? I would have assumed the opposite.
  - gowld 6y ago
    ADHD is an "executive function" disorder -- it's hard for your brain to consistently focus on doing what you "want" it to do. It's stereotypically thought of as an inability to focus your attention ("can't sit still and concentrate"), but it's also an inability to stop focusing on something you know isn't in your overall interest/plans.
  - nullsense 6y ago
    >What does this have to do with ADHD? A lot. So called "hyperfocus" is a hallmark of ADHD. Most people might think of ADHD as can't concentrate or get distracted easily due to the "attention deficit" moniker but in reality ADHD is badly named, and it's much more an inability to direct your attention. Hyperfocus is the the opposite extreme of not being able to concentrate and getting distracted easily as you find yourself unable to switch your attention away from what it is you're interested in. This is especially problematic when you have other activities that require your attention like filing your taxes, folding the washing, taking out the trash and doing the dishes as you tend to not be able to get your brain to accept engaging in those tasks and often some of them wind up left undone. Sure you made progress in whatever the latest obsession was, but you find relationships with those around you strained with this constant back and forth of "you left dirty dishes in the sink again last night, you forgot to take out the rubbish again, and when you fold the washing don't just fold the washing but also put it away please" and all you want to talk about is the cool new stuff you learned last night. Edit: I find it quaint that people can consider how hard they should push themselves and have the option of doing it or not. I get sucked into it no matter what.
dagav 6y ago
I've found that this strategy doesn't work over time. My goal isn't, "make the best meal ever tonight", my goal is, "shop, cook, and clean every week in order to have a good home cooked meal every night". Those are two very different challenges, where the latter requires a more pragmatic approach to time and energy management.
swilliamsio 6y ago
What one person calls obsesssion, another calls perfectionism.
agumonkey 6y ago
Do you find it's because you crave the intense stimuli and that otherwise your brain simply fades off ? I used to be like that.

RankingMember 6y ago

At least in my own experience, when I take things in my life this way, I burn out on them fast. Consistency becomes elusive, and without consistency, real long-term progress is very difficult to achieve.

dstick 6y ago
So true. The compound effect.
jborden13 6y ago
Totally. If my hobbies and fun activities are starting to feel more like a job rather than fun, I'm out.
Frye 6y ago
At least in my own experience, when I do not do things consistently, real long-term progress is difficult to achieve. And that is what makes me obsess over things like OP.

subdane 6y ago

Your handle and comment complement one another.

joshxyz 6y ago
Username checks out!

grenoire 6y ago

This burns me out. Might be different for you. I try to pursue things to the level of just being good at it. I relate to you, but I know that pushing myself to the extreme is not joyous. Tried, succeeded in excellence, and then mentally crashed.

nix23 6y ago

You speak directly from my heart of my former younger self. Never stop being obsessed, what i learned that obsession and fun needs to be one (for sure it's not always that fun but at the end of the day/week/month it has to be)

waihtis 6y ago

Dont say it like it’s a bad thing. We have limited time here, why not make the most out of it?

Dudeman112 6y ago
Excessive levels of obsession can lead to unhealthy behaviors that might reduce the overall amount of what you make out of it. Alternatively: people generally can walk further than they can run.
- TeMPOraL 6y ago
  On the other hand, constant context switching makes the cost of switching dominate the cost of activities. Less switching seems more efficient. (And before someone says life is not about efficiency - it is. Getting your life to be more how you like it for less effort is a good thing.)
  - Dudeman112 6y ago
    Yup, constant context switching is costly. And yet most people's code (in my team at least) after 6-7 hours of work tend to be crap and is usually refactored later when they are fresh. For it to count as "constant" in humans it has be in periods smaller than what period of time the individual can stay focused... Which is anywhere between 30 minutes and 1 hour, for most people.
    - TeMPOraL 6y ago
      > And yet most people's code (in my team at least) after 6-7 hours of work tend to be crap and is usually refactored later when they are fresh. I've observed that, and it's definitely the case for me too - but often, the choice isn't between crappy code in a day vs. good code in two - it's a choice between crappy code in a day and no code at all. > For it to count as "constant" in humans it has be in periods smaller than what period of time the individual can stay focused... Which is anywhere between 30 minutes and 1 hour, for most people. Don't forget to count the time it takes to spool up to achieve focused productivity. Which can easily be 30 minutes or more.

AnIdiotOnTheNet 6y ago

> But to me, the obsession is what makes it rewarding. I guess my view is that anything worth doing is worth overdoing. My father is like this. I've described him as a "serial obsessionist". I recognize in myself several unhealthy behaviors that likely developed due to his influence in this regard.

powvans 6y ago
Same here. The whole thread is giving me a great chuckle. My son often asks, "why did Granddaddy do all this?" And I reply, "because for Granddaddy, anything worth doing is worth overdoing." Awesome to see that phrase repeated elsewhere.
- AnIdiotOnTheNet 6y ago
  > "because for Granddaddy, anything worth doing is worth overdoing." One wonders if there is a correlation between this trait and people who end up in tech these days. The rampant overengineering and workaholism would suggest the possibility.

ConfusedDog 6y ago

A lot of people are obsessed on things are interested at the time. So is my younger self. Now I can mostly control myself by learning it’s time to let it go and being selective on what I should be obsessed about.

nullsense 6y ago

>I’m not really sure why I am this way, but I do know that the periods in my life when I have tried to not be this way have been some of the most miserable After getting diagnosed with ADHD last year at 32 a lot of things in my life made sense, including why I tend to focus on whatever I'm interested to the exclusion of almost all other things and just get into things way, way too intensely. There is no getting a little bit interested in something and just engaging with things casually for me. If I get into something it gets extreme. That can last 3 days, 3 weeks, 3 months, or 3 years. I tend to like it when it's 3 years as the short duration hyperfocus tends to lead to a lot of impulse buys related to the obsession that then become useless once I'm no longer interested. The times when it goes for years I wind up outstripping my peers as most noone can match the time and intensity I put in.

fantod 6y ago
What does this have to do with ADHD? I've always been this way as well. Do I have ADHD? I would have assumed the opposite.
- gowld 6y ago
  ADHD is an "executive function" disorder -- it's hard for your brain to consistently focus on doing what you "want" it to do. It's stereotypically thought of as an inability to focus your attention ("can't sit still and concentrate"), but it's also an inability to stop focusing on something you know isn't in your overall interest/plans.
- nullsense 6y ago
  >What does this have to do with ADHD? A lot. So called "hyperfocus" is a hallmark of ADHD. Most people might think of ADHD as can't concentrate or get distracted easily due to the "attention deficit" moniker but in reality ADHD is badly named, and it's much more an inability to direct your attention. Hyperfocus is the the opposite extreme of not being able to concentrate and getting distracted easily as you find yourself unable to switch your attention away from what it is you're interested in. This is especially problematic when you have other activities that require your attention like filing your taxes, folding the washing, taking out the trash and doing the dishes as you tend to not be able to get your brain to accept engaging in those tasks and often some of them wind up left undone. Sure you made progress in whatever the latest obsession was, but you find relationships with those around you strained with this constant back and forth of "you left dirty dishes in the sink again last night, you forgot to take out the rubbish again, and when you fold the washing don't just fold the washing but also put it away please" and all you want to talk about is the cool new stuff you learned last night. Edit: I find it quaint that people can consider how hard they should push themselves and have the option of doing it or not. I get sucked into it no matter what.

dagav 6y ago

I've found that this strategy doesn't work over time. My goal isn't, "make the best meal ever tonight", my goal is, "shop, cook, and clean every week in order to have a good home cooked meal every night". Those are two very different challenges, where the latter requires a more pragmatic approach to time and energy management.

swilliamsio 6y ago

What one person calls obsesssion, another calls perfectionism.

agumonkey 6y ago

Do you find it's because you crave the intense stimuli and that otherwise your brain simply fades off ? I used to be like that.