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Ask YC: How can I guide my brother towards success in school/life?
For certain reasons of family dysfunction I have a greater than usual parental role with my youngest brother. I want to ask YC for advice to help my brother become successful in school and life in general.
Some background information is necessary. I am the eldest sibling and was the typical high achiever in school and university. He was also successful in school at an early age, and used to joke about beating my own achievements. I encouraged this friendly rivalry, but over the last few years he seems to have withdrawn. I think he is somewhat ashamed of this which makes him afraid to be honest with me. This makes it difficult for me to know if I am helping him or if he even wants my help.
He was one of the top students at the local public school and just managed to get in the best public school in the state. Entrance to this school is based only upon academic merit, not money. He's been there two years and since has seemed to become disillusioned with academic achievement. This might be for a number of reasons.
Unfortunately he lives with our mother who is a terrible example to him. She injured her back 25 years ago and has not worked since. She blames anyone but herself for her problems which include alcoholism, general poverty, and no real serious will to improve herself. This is a very complicated situation that must be having a negative effect on my brother, although he recognises our mother is an example of what not to be like in life.
His school has a very academic reputation, but it also heavily encourages extra-curricular activities. My brother enthusiastically participates in a number of sports and also Army Cadets. I know he enjoys these activities so I try not to be critical, but I don't like how he seems to be able to trade hard academic subjects for things like sport which in the long run provide minimal benefit.
He has developed a level of racism. At his school there is a large population of Asian students who excel academically. Amongst his group of Caucasian peers the Asians that excel at maths or science are described as people with 'no lives but study'. They seem to think that as only Asians do well at those subjects, it is not worth trying as hard as they perhaps could.
He also says his friends do not study much which in turn leads him to believe he shouldn't need to either. Given the school he is at I don't know how true this is of the other students, but in any case it makes his own lack of motivation obvious. Next year he starts the local high school certificate upon which entrance to university courses is based. He tells me he wants to go to university, but he does not know what he wants to study there.
I always recommend that he try hard at maths, science and english so that he can get into a good course. I don't want to force him to do something he will not enjoy or be passionate about, but I also do not want him to make the mistake of falling behind academically when the next two years have a disproportionate effect on his later life.
How can I motivate him to try to do well at school and life in general? He is very apathetic regarding academic subjects at the moment. I have tried to communicate to him the importance of the next few years, and although he agrees I don't think he really believes it - it feels like I am not getting through to him. Does anyone have suggestions that may help me make him understand the opportunities he could be wasting?
- iamdave 18y agoDon't just motivate him to do something, show him how to do something. Be an example. It starts with you. Sure it sounds lame, and I don't care if it sounds lame, take him out and show him the things you're doing.
- dmnd 18y agoI do talk with him about things I am building and even hint that he could be involved if he wanted to be. He doesn't enjoy coding though. I bought a beginner's guide to Python a while ago and gave it to him being careful not to pressure him into it. It didn't interest him. Since then he's also tried a programming subject at school, but he obviously didn't enjoy it as he doesn't wish to continue with it. I think he could have the skills for engineering if he tried, but once again it's hard to interest him in it now that he has apathy for maths. I can't really serve as an example in other fields but perhaps I could try to spend more time with him that isn't leisure.
- qhoxie 18y agoIf he hasn't yet, convince him to take survey courses and courses in arbitrary topics. One of two things generally happens there: He either finds a new or suppressed passion, or he is pushed back toward a previous interest. Each provides a path.
- dmnd 18y agoHe has tried a couple of electives in school, and seems to be somewhat interested psychology, which is good because it's enthusiasm for something. There are only limited opportunities to try new things at school, though. What would be good is finding a useful interest or hobby outside of school that is not sport. For most of us here this is coding, but what do people in other fields do?
- iamdave 18y agoTry to broaden your spectrum here. Coding is one of the last things that's going to be a sure fire fit for anyone. Show him about computer science in general. Coding, networking, graphic arts, communication. Find things that a kid his age would like and show him people doing it. If he likes art, go grab someone who can use 3DSMax (I heard that iamdave guy is good with it nudge nudge wink wink) and let them show him how to make a bouncing ball animation.