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I've done ok as a foster child, so I thought I would share why. This is a throw-away account because I'd rather not be identified. First, my foster home cared

I've done ok as a foster child, so I thought I would share why. This is a throw-away account because I'd rather not be identified. First, my foster home cared for me. Somehow there is this idea out there that you shouldn't form an attachment to your foster kids, but I think that advice is plain wrong. I know because years later I attended foster-parenting orientation out of personal curiosity, and this is more or less what they told prospective foster parents. For me, that change made a massive difference. My foster home parent made sure my teacher, my school principals, my coaches...etc knew of my situation. They even went as far as letting me stay in my school district despite living outside of it. Second, because of this community-awareness, I had allies at every turn. Teachers spent extra time getting me caught up during tutoring hours. My school counselor sent me email reminders about college application due dates. My AP & SAT tests were paid for. My school lunch were covered...etc. Third, and perhaps most importantly, I wasn't a pay-check to my foster parent. I think that somewhat ties back to my first point, but you'd be surprised at how many folks do this for the money (at least in the state were I was based). How to fix the foster system: This is a really tough one, but I think more emphasis should be placed on putting foster kids inside existing families, if possible. Maybe more outreach is needed to find such folks, and maybe the economic incentive of it should be held back until a kid has been successfully placed for more than a. year inside a family. Furthermore, the whole notion that no attachment should exist is flawed. Lastly, getting the community involved. It really does takes a village to raise a foster kid.

frankydp 6y ago
The do not get attached climate is really a recent manifestation of welfare policy coming out of California and Oregon in the last 20 years or so. It is rooted in the family preservation and reunification first policies, vice the children permanency first policies. These policies are sold as evidence based and are generally just what was measured based, and the research is usually conducted by the largest social services companies in the given states.
- heimatau 6y ago
  I'm not a historian but you're clearly turning this into a political issue (by talking about CA/OR as the origin). Instead, let's focus on the policies. I was in Florida (mostly GOP ran) and they had similar training. These policies (to not be attached) sounds very wrong, especially when numerous studies support attachment parenting as the best way to nurture child development. Let's focus on the a mutually agreed problem (shit training) and work towards a better solution through better policies that either experiment with attachment or outright support it.
  - frankydp 6y ago
    I was simply referencing the origin of the authors of the policies that were then moved to the federal level and tied to funding, which was passed by a GOP congress. The problem has nothing to do with training, and all to do with legal policy regrading termination of parental rights. The training is a result of appellate risk for TPR with regards to state effort for reunification. But thanks for the attack of my character.
- samspot 6y ago
  I was trained in North Carolina and our trainers explained that don't-attach was a traditional method that is now widely disproven. Encouraging attachment is now strongly recommended even though reunification is still Plan A.
  - frankydp 6y ago
    Thanks for the insight. I have heard similar comments from varying states at the national events. The policy and literature around child welfare is surely in a state of change in the US right now.
heimatau 6y ago
> How to fix the foster system: This is a really tough one, but I think more emphasis should be placed on putting foster kids inside existing families, if possible. I currently have three bio-kids. The wife and I have been talking about fostering or running an orphanage. Hmmm. I've never really considered how much it would benefit the foster children to experience a healthy home. I was told by my Aunt that fostering kids that they weren't supposed to 'get attached' but I never realized this as apart of the process b/c she always broke the rule, lol. Caring and attachment is extremely important. IMHO, this training (to not grow attached) is the source of the problem. There is numerous research studies about the importance of healthy attachment to nurture the development of a human into the next stage of their life.

frankydp 6y ago

The do not get attached climate is really a recent manifestation of welfare policy coming out of California and Oregon in the last 20 years or so. It is rooted in the family preservation and reunification first policies, vice the children permanency first policies. These policies are sold as evidence based and are generally just what was measured based, and the research is usually conducted by the largest social services companies in the given states.

heimatau 6y ago
I'm not a historian but you're clearly turning this into a political issue (by talking about CA/OR as the origin). Instead, let's focus on the policies. I was in Florida (mostly GOP ran) and they had similar training. These policies (to not be attached) sounds very wrong, especially when numerous studies support attachment parenting as the best way to nurture child development. Let's focus on the a mutually agreed problem (shit training) and work towards a better solution through better policies that either experiment with attachment or outright support it.
- frankydp 6y ago
  I was simply referencing the origin of the authors of the policies that were then moved to the federal level and tied to funding, which was passed by a GOP congress. The problem has nothing to do with training, and all to do with legal policy regrading termination of parental rights. The training is a result of appellate risk for TPR with regards to state effort for reunification. But thanks for the attack of my character.
samspot 6y ago
I was trained in North Carolina and our trainers explained that don't-attach was a traditional method that is now widely disproven. Encouraging attachment is now strongly recommended even though reunification is still Plan A.
- frankydp 6y ago
  Thanks for the insight. I have heard similar comments from varying states at the national events. The policy and literature around child welfare is surely in a state of change in the US right now.

heimatau 6y ago

> How to fix the foster system: This is a really tough one, but I think more emphasis should be placed on putting foster kids inside existing families, if possible. I currently have three bio-kids. The wife and I have been talking about fostering or running an orphanage. Hmmm. I've never really considered how much it would benefit the foster children to experience a healthy home. I was told by my Aunt that fostering kids that they weren't supposed to 'get attached' but I never realized this as apart of the process b/c she always broke the rule, lol. Caring and attachment is extremely important. IMHO, this training (to not grow attached) is the source of the problem. There is numerous research studies about the importance of healthy attachment to nurture the development of a human into the next stage of their life.