6 ms·

You people are my imaginary friends, and it does help with loneliness. It's not that you are imaginary, but it's imaginary that we are friends. We don't know ea

You people are my imaginary friends, and it does help with loneliness. It's not that you are imaginary, but it's imaginary that we are friends. We don't know each others' history or identity let alone care for each other as friends. But I can speak as if we are friends, and unlike a Wilson, sometimes get a friendly response. Maybe you're a crutch that makes it easier to not go get real friends. But this crutch also sometimes makes it easier to get through the long night. Thanks.

javajosh 6y ago
I don't think it's necessarily imaginary that we are friends. Consider that a functional community is characterized by an overarching sense of cooperation and mutual support that is NOT tied to an individual's identity. HN provides succor to those who look at the world in a certain way, with a combination of probing curiosity, healthy skepticism, and intellectual humility. It's true that there are some elements of history that might remove you from that sphere. But identity? There is no identity that would remove you. As for getting "real" friends, that's rather tough for two reasons. Real friends are in constant, casual contact. This means proximity. Tough to do in general, and impossible in Covid times. Second, those three qualities are very rare. The only reason it seems like they are common is because the internet was created by and for us, and so it seems like we're everywhere. We're not. So, yes, if you ever want to talk, my contact info is in my profile.
- iamthirsty 6y ago
  > HN provides succor to those who look at the world in a certain way, with a combination of probing curiosity, healthy skepticism, and intellectual humility. I truly feel this is glue that binds most (if not all) HN regulars together.
  - DiggyJohnson 6y ago
    I like to think we are one of the few examples on the web of a community that (1) self-regulates (somewhat) and (2) understands that the platform itself ought not to be taken for granted. Bad faith discourse kills places like this. While I'm sure many would claim that HN experiences backsliding, it's nowhere near as bad as one might expect. Especially considering that there might actually be a financial incentive to "get into" HN and its content. Very rambly, but that's how it goes. Cheers, friend.
    - iamthirsty 6y ago
      Regarding the bad faith actors, HN largely (to my knowledge) self regulates; users can usually smell a promotional-type post &/or comment right away. It's something that keeps me coming back daily compared to other forums that seem to either ignore or prefer this type of content. Cheers.
      - bonoboTP 6y ago
        HN is very well moderated through human effort and they consciously resist updating the site design which is good. The barebones appearance naturally repels people with different interests or temperament.
74d-fe6-2c6 6y ago
You seem to have a pretty loose understanding of "friendship" if you consider random strangers who converse with you over a forum as friends ... a friend is somebody who'll help you move or visit you in hospital if your sick.
- i_haz_rabies 6y ago
  You seem to have a pretty narrow understanding of "friendship." A friend is anyone (hell, why not include pets here) that has a recurring positive influence on your life, as defined by you.
mrits 6y ago
For whatever reason, I haven't accumulated any real life friends with strong interests in hacker type stuff. I can have a full house of people and feel lonely without checking in on some of my online social circles.
- deleted 6y ago
  [deleted]
moralestapia 6y ago
Maybe we can fix this! Email at profile :)
mensetmanusman 6y ago
This is a great comment. I love bringing this up when HN discusses consciousness and the theory that we are all zombies. In a chat environment like this, it’s impossible to know whether everyone else is a figment of our imagination.
abcdjdjd 6y ago
I honestly don't know how to make friends anymore. I am in early 30s, program for a living, I don't like bars or loud places for reasons that would make sense if I explained them but don't want to go into full details here, and generally like sarcastic people who can have a discussion about topics and not just repeat what they have been told by headlines or what social media tells them to believe. I mean, yes, they can have the same opinions of course, but they should be able to at least say why they believe those things. Also, doesn't help I moved around a lot as an only child, so its almost like I missed out on "education" of keeping long term friendships. I've tried seeking therapy for it, but can't seem to get anyone to really help me with this, since I guess they see someone who can hold a normal conversation with them, a job, and other stuff and don't get what the issue is. I guess the odd thing is I can hold down conversations with people at work and if I get to know someone no problem. Problem is getting to know people and making connections with people who I like. Just can't really relate to many people it feels like, probably due to my unique upbringing as a child. I have a girlfriend as well, but it just feels like we don't connect for the above reasons. Sort of wish I had a gilfriend that was goal oriented, sarcastic, and had similar interest as me. But, frankly, never seen anyone out there like that. Probably will end up marrying her and wondering if I eventually get a divorce down the line. Feel like I would make more connections with people in a higher educated part of the country, probably near some ivy league schools or something. Although I know that sounds stuck up as hell to say, but I just would love to talk with people who can actually think for themselves, be sarcastic, and be interesting enough to bounce conversations off of. Don't know how to solve my issues and I guess nor do therapists. Don't know why I am even posting this here I guess. Maybe on the off chance someone reads it and is able to help somehow.
- erikpukinskis 6y ago
  My main principle of making friends is: say yes to everything and everyone. You don’t generally just meet your favorite person out of the blue. You meet them at a party thrown by someone who is not your favorite person but you went anyway. The reason this works is friend (and date) finding is a numbers game. You just need minor contact with thousands of people to find the handful that fit great. It also works because of practice. You get practice building curiosity, reliability, body language, jokes, etc with the friends you don’t quite click with, so that when the right person appears you have the skills to engage them fully. And none of this means doing the same things over and over with people you don’t really like. Do your best to find life with them, but keep saying yes to new people. Let the people you really don’t click with sort of decay out.
dakial1 6y ago
Might be a cultural thing (I'm Brazilian), but I consider everyone as a friend unless proven otherwise.

javajosh 6y ago

I don't think it's necessarily imaginary that we are friends. Consider that a functional community is characterized by an overarching sense of cooperation and mutual support that is NOT tied to an individual's identity. HN provides succor to those who look at the world in a certain way, with a combination of probing curiosity, healthy skepticism, and intellectual humility. It's true that there are some elements of history that might remove you from that sphere. But identity? There is no identity that would remove you. As for getting "real" friends, that's rather tough for two reasons. Real friends are in constant, casual contact. This means proximity. Tough to do in general, and impossible in Covid times. Second, those three qualities are very rare. The only reason it seems like they are common is because the internet was created by and for us, and so it seems like we're everywhere. We're not. So, yes, if you ever want to talk, my contact info is in my profile.

iamthirsty 6y ago
> HN provides succor to those who look at the world in a certain way, with a combination of probing curiosity, healthy skepticism, and intellectual humility. I truly feel this is glue that binds most (if not all) HN regulars together.
- DiggyJohnson 6y ago
  I like to think we are one of the few examples on the web of a community that (1) self-regulates (somewhat) and (2) understands that the platform itself ought not to be taken for granted. Bad faith discourse kills places like this. While I'm sure many would claim that HN experiences backsliding, it's nowhere near as bad as one might expect. Especially considering that there might actually be a financial incentive to "get into" HN and its content. Very rambly, but that's how it goes. Cheers, friend.
  - iamthirsty 6y ago
    Regarding the bad faith actors, HN largely (to my knowledge) self regulates; users can usually smell a promotional-type post &/or comment right away. It's something that keeps me coming back daily compared to other forums that seem to either ignore or prefer this type of content. Cheers.
    - bonoboTP 6y ago
      HN is very well moderated through human effort and they consciously resist updating the site design which is good. The barebones appearance naturally repels people with different interests or temperament.

74d-fe6-2c6 6y ago

You seem to have a pretty loose understanding of "friendship" if you consider random strangers who converse with you over a forum as friends ... a friend is somebody who'll help you move or visit you in hospital if your sick.

i_haz_rabies 6y ago
You seem to have a pretty narrow understanding of "friendship." A friend is anyone (hell, why not include pets here) that has a recurring positive influence on your life, as defined by you.

mrits 6y ago

For whatever reason, I haven't accumulated any real life friends with strong interests in hacker type stuff. I can have a full house of people and feel lonely without checking in on some of my online social circles.

deleted 6y ago
[deleted]

moralestapia 6y ago

Maybe we can fix this! Email at profile :)

mensetmanusman 6y ago

This is a great comment. I love bringing this up when HN discusses consciousness and the theory that we are all zombies. In a chat environment like this, it’s impossible to know whether everyone else is a figment of our imagination.

abcdjdjd 6y ago

I honestly don't know how to make friends anymore. I am in early 30s, program for a living, I don't like bars or loud places for reasons that would make sense if I explained them but don't want to go into full details here, and generally like sarcastic people who can have a discussion about topics and not just repeat what they have been told by headlines or what social media tells them to believe. I mean, yes, they can have the same opinions of course, but they should be able to at least say why they believe those things. Also, doesn't help I moved around a lot as an only child, so its almost like I missed out on "education" of keeping long term friendships. I've tried seeking therapy for it, but can't seem to get anyone to really help me with this, since I guess they see someone who can hold a normal conversation with them, a job, and other stuff and don't get what the issue is. I guess the odd thing is I can hold down conversations with people at work and if I get to know someone no problem. Problem is getting to know people and making connections with people who I like. Just can't really relate to many people it feels like, probably due to my unique upbringing as a child. I have a girlfriend as well, but it just feels like we don't connect for the above reasons. Sort of wish I had a gilfriend that was goal oriented, sarcastic, and had similar interest as me. But, frankly, never seen anyone out there like that. Probably will end up marrying her and wondering if I eventually get a divorce down the line. Feel like I would make more connections with people in a higher educated part of the country, probably near some ivy league schools or something. Although I know that sounds stuck up as hell to say, but I just would love to talk with people who can actually think for themselves, be sarcastic, and be interesting enough to bounce conversations off of. Don't know how to solve my issues and I guess nor do therapists. Don't know why I am even posting this here I guess. Maybe on the off chance someone reads it and is able to help somehow.

erikpukinskis 6y ago
My main principle of making friends is: say yes to everything and everyone. You don’t generally just meet your favorite person out of the blue. You meet them at a party thrown by someone who is not your favorite person but you went anyway. The reason this works is friend (and date) finding is a numbers game. You just need minor contact with thousands of people to find the handful that fit great. It also works because of practice. You get practice building curiosity, reliability, body language, jokes, etc with the friends you don’t quite click with, so that when the right person appears you have the skills to engage them fully. And none of this means doing the same things over and over with people you don’t really like. Do your best to find life with them, but keep saying yes to new people. Let the people you really don’t click with sort of decay out.

dakial1 6y ago

Might be a cultural thing (I'm Brazilian), but I consider everyone as a friend unless proven otherwise.