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no one wants fake praise, but rather real, genuine praise only. some folks will convince themselves the fake praise is genuine, but mostly, everyone can tell in

no one wants fake praise, but rather real, genuine praise only. some folks will convince themselves the fake praise is genuine, but mostly, everyone can tell in their heart of hearts which is which. you're not really fooling most folks most of the time. give real praise only when it's deserved. support and compassion, however, should always be readily at hand.

megous 6y ago
Depends. Your output may feel great to someone else, but you may not feel excited about it personally. (and there may be no conflict, or fakery of praise in it) Perhaps based on how perfectionist you are, or based on what you like about the work. You might be excited/motivated by different aspects of your work than your manager. To me it would come down to whether I think other person is praising my work just to get more of it done just for the praise (I'd have negative reaction), or whether he just likes it that much personally (neutral to mildly positive reaction).
- clairity 6y ago
  then it's not fake praise (in the latter case), but genuine praise, whether you value the output the same or not.
- CuriousSkeptic 6y ago
  Perhaps it would be better to express a genuine feeling instead. Praise implies being in a position to praise at all. Having some authority or mastery with regard to what is praised. Often enough, I am that authority. I don’t expect praise from my clients. I’m getting payed precisely because they lack the mastery I offer. Instead I would be happy to hear about their true feelings. Stories of gratitude, or relief, or whatever else happened in their life that I might have played a role in.
  - megous 6y ago
    Yes, I understand. But a lot of the time people express feelings indirectly, and it's pointless to try to change everyone's communication style. So people sometimes use praise if they're happy about something, or whatever, and I interpret that in a way that suits my well being. It's just part of the communication style of someone, or even part of a culture of a country. If it bothers me, and it is the relationship I care about or looks to be long term, I may ask the person to communicate differently with me. But most of the time I get praise from random people on the internet, and I just interpret it that they are grateful for my contributions, regardless of what they say. Sometimes they want something from me, and are probably not comfortable with just asking for it, so they pad the communication with some praise about the software or me. Some state that they're uncomfortable asking for help more directly, some just add praise at the beginning/end of each reply. (which gets kinda strange after 3-4 interactions :)) It's nice if someone communicates more directly, but I can try to understand the other people, too, regardless of communication style.
    - CuriousSkeptic 6y ago
      "Be conservative in what you send, be liberal in what you accept" ;)
      - megous 6y ago
        Hehe, I approve of this protocol. :)
ser0 6y ago
I think this is the main issue with generic "you guys are [something] it!" type of praise. There are no details at all, so it seems fake and superficial. I do agree with the general sentiment of the parent post though. Having managed IT (operations not development) when good work is done, often the intention is that no one notices. Therefore the broader organisation may not have sufficient awareness that anything of value has been achieved. In such circumstances I believe it is up to the manager to both manage up in terms of making the team's achievement known and recognised, as well as represent the organisation and acknowledge the team's work. A few of the posts above are essentially prescribing using STAR to offer feedback, which I think is more thoughtful than just generic words of affirmation. This can be made even more authentic if you take the time to talk to affected stakeholders and gather real testimonials to pass back to the team.

megous 6y ago

Depends. Your output may feel great to someone else, but you may not feel excited about it personally. (and there may be no conflict, or fakery of praise in it) Perhaps based on how perfectionist you are, or based on what you like about the work. You might be excited/motivated by different aspects of your work than your manager. To me it would come down to whether I think other person is praising my work just to get more of it done just for the praise (I'd have negative reaction), or whether he just likes it that much personally (neutral to mildly positive reaction).

clairity 6y ago
then it's not fake praise (in the latter case), but genuine praise, whether you value the output the same or not.
CuriousSkeptic 6y ago
Perhaps it would be better to express a genuine feeling instead. Praise implies being in a position to praise at all. Having some authority or mastery with regard to what is praised. Often enough, I am that authority. I don’t expect praise from my clients. I’m getting payed precisely because they lack the mastery I offer. Instead I would be happy to hear about their true feelings. Stories of gratitude, or relief, or whatever else happened in their life that I might have played a role in.
- megous 6y ago
  Yes, I understand. But a lot of the time people express feelings indirectly, and it's pointless to try to change everyone's communication style. So people sometimes use praise if they're happy about something, or whatever, and I interpret that in a way that suits my well being. It's just part of the communication style of someone, or even part of a culture of a country. If it bothers me, and it is the relationship I care about or looks to be long term, I may ask the person to communicate differently with me. But most of the time I get praise from random people on the internet, and I just interpret it that they are grateful for my contributions, regardless of what they say. Sometimes they want something from me, and are probably not comfortable with just asking for it, so they pad the communication with some praise about the software or me. Some state that they're uncomfortable asking for help more directly, some just add praise at the beginning/end of each reply. (which gets kinda strange after 3-4 interactions :)) It's nice if someone communicates more directly, but I can try to understand the other people, too, regardless of communication style.
  - CuriousSkeptic 6y ago
    "Be conservative in what you send, be liberal in what you accept" ;)
    - megous 6y ago
      Hehe, I approve of this protocol. :)

ser0 6y ago

I think this is the main issue with generic "you guys are [something] it!" type of praise. There are no details at all, so it seems fake and superficial. I do agree with the general sentiment of the parent post though. Having managed IT (operations not development) when good work is done, often the intention is that no one notices. Therefore the broader organisation may not have sufficient awareness that anything of value has been achieved. In such circumstances I believe it is up to the manager to both manage up in terms of making the team's achievement known and recognised, as well as represent the organisation and acknowledge the team's work. A few of the posts above are essentially prescribing using STAR to offer feedback, which I think is more thoughtful than just generic words of affirmation. This can be made even more authentic if you take the time to talk to affected stakeholders and gather real testimonials to pass back to the team.