Have you considered getting a psych evaluation? I’m not trying to swipe at you, I’m approaching this with the most positive of intent. What you’re describing s

Have you considered getting a psych evaluation? I’m not trying to swipe at you, I’m approaching this with the most positive of intent. What you’re describing sounds like a personality disorder of some sort. Identifying such may help surface strategies for lessening those feelings. Disclaimer: not a mental health professional, but have had a couple in my personal life.