4 ms·

You can’t just dismiss it as “oh these guys are emotionally immature”. The average woman on dating sites gets hundreds of messages, and the average guy gets te

You can’t just dismiss it as “oh these guys are emotionally immature”. The average woman on dating sites gets hundreds of messages, and the average guy gets tens. That is a MASSIVE imbalance in favor of women. It’s not hard to imagine that this could cause problems that would lead to a group like incels being created. I think we need to look more into the cause (why are men so devalued on dating sites) and not the symptom (why are men getting bitter and becoming incels).

reducesuffering 6y ago
I think most people would agree with what the cause is as it's quite intuitive based on how most societies in the world are structured. I would be surprised if the main cause ended up being different than this collective intuition. Men are generally lauded by society for casual dating and "spreading their seed," while women receive the opposite treatment. They are still generally honored for being very selective in their dating and only engaging in a monogamous relationship with the best mate. Hence, many men end up trying to sleep with most women on Tinder, while not committing to a monogamous relationship. While more women are trying to find the best mate that will commit to a monogamous relationship. Note: The above only applies to hetero dynamics. I'm ill informed on lgbtq+.
- iamatworknow 6y ago
  >Men are generally lauded by society for casual dating and "spreading their seed," while women receive the opposite treatment. They are still generally honored for being very selective in their dating and only engaging in a monogamous relationship with the best mate. Anecdotally I don't believe this to be the case anymore. A good quarter or so of the women I see on dating apps pretty proudly claim they're polyamorous.
  - istorical 6y ago
    are you in the bay area? I have found that the prominence of poly seems to be a hyperlocal phenomenon in certain metro areas but especially the bay.
    - iamatworknow 6y ago
      Nope, Atlanta suburbs.
oneoff-54529 6y ago
>The average woman on dating sites gets hundreds of messages, and the average guy gets tens. That is a MASSIVE imbalance in favor of women. Not sure that's necessarily a massive imbalance. It depends on the quality of the guy sending you those messages, and maybe on the actual message that they send (but it's more important that the guy is hot than that what he says is funny or something). For example, I get a ton of emails from spammers about penis enlargement methods, and I rarely send my own emails asking if they have any penis enlargement methods available. Does that mean there's a massive imbalance in favor of me? It's not like I'm at a huge advantage because of all this email I'm getting.
- pcbro141 6y ago
  The trope that most messages women receive from men are lewd and that's why women are more selective in their swipes is way overblown. The majority of men are normal and cordial in their approach. I don't doubt that most women will experience sexual harassment at some point, but that doesn't mean most men sexually harass women. It's a minority of men doing the d*ck pics and sexual harassment, so it's a non-sequitur as to explaining why women tend to be more selective in swiping and have more matches/messages online.
  - oneoff-54529 6y ago
    Agreed, that does sound overblown
amznthrwaway 6y ago
Incels are people who have trouble with social relationships, and have decided that it is easier to blame society and others, than to introspect. They meet other people who feel the same way, and radicalize each other, making themselves less desirable as they do so. Your post contains such nonsense, where you paint yourself as a victim of being "devalued on dating sites" which is nonsense. My advice to you is to stop being a weak, whiny, worthless little loser. Stop pretending you're a victim. Grow the fuck up. Or don't, I don't care if you die alone, hating women and society, and blaming everybody but your sad little self for your problems. You pathetic fucking loser.
cheriot 6y ago
Just like a woman walking down the street getting far more attention than men do. The only difference online is that it’s more quantifiable.
baccheion 6y ago
Men should approach. That's expected. Women only approach when males are top 20%. Incels are due to gender skew being realized. Appearing larger than true, mainly due to marketing and lumping in with males who weren't getting any anyway (, are shy/insecure, and/or still in high school).

reducesuffering 6y ago

I think most people would agree with what the cause is as it's quite intuitive based on how most societies in the world are structured. I would be surprised if the main cause ended up being different than this collective intuition. Men are generally lauded by society for casual dating and "spreading their seed," while women receive the opposite treatment. They are still generally honored for being very selective in their dating and only engaging in a monogamous relationship with the best mate. Hence, many men end up trying to sleep with most women on Tinder, while not committing to a monogamous relationship. While more women are trying to find the best mate that will commit to a monogamous relationship. Note: The above only applies to hetero dynamics. I'm ill informed on lgbtq+.

iamatworknow 6y ago
>Men are generally lauded by society for casual dating and "spreading their seed," while women receive the opposite treatment. They are still generally honored for being very selective in their dating and only engaging in a monogamous relationship with the best mate. Anecdotally I don't believe this to be the case anymore. A good quarter or so of the women I see on dating apps pretty proudly claim they're polyamorous.
- istorical 6y ago
  are you in the bay area? I have found that the prominence of poly seems to be a hyperlocal phenomenon in certain metro areas but especially the bay.
  - iamatworknow 6y ago
    Nope, Atlanta suburbs.

oneoff-54529 6y ago

>The average woman on dating sites gets hundreds of messages, and the average guy gets tens. That is a MASSIVE imbalance in favor of women. Not sure that's necessarily a massive imbalance. It depends on the quality of the guy sending you those messages, and maybe on the actual message that they send (but it's more important that the guy is hot than that what he says is funny or something). For example, I get a ton of emails from spammers about penis enlargement methods, and I rarely send my own emails asking if they have any penis enlargement methods available. Does that mean there's a massive imbalance in favor of me? It's not like I'm at a huge advantage because of all this email I'm getting.

pcbro141 6y ago
The trope that most messages women receive from men are lewd and that's why women are more selective in their swipes is way overblown. The majority of men are normal and cordial in their approach. I don't doubt that most women will experience sexual harassment at some point, but that doesn't mean most men sexually harass women. It's a minority of men doing the d*ck pics and sexual harassment, so it's a non-sequitur as to explaining why women tend to be more selective in swiping and have more matches/messages online.
- oneoff-54529 6y ago
  Agreed, that does sound overblown

amznthrwaway 6y ago

Incels are people who have trouble with social relationships, and have decided that it is easier to blame society and others, than to introspect. They meet other people who feel the same way, and radicalize each other, making themselves less desirable as they do so. Your post contains such nonsense, where you paint yourself as a victim of being "devalued on dating sites" which is nonsense. My advice to you is to stop being a weak, whiny, worthless little loser. Stop pretending you're a victim. Grow the fuck up. Or don't, I don't care if you die alone, hating women and society, and blaming everybody but your sad little self for your problems. You pathetic fucking loser.

cheriot 6y ago

Just like a woman walking down the street getting far more attention than men do. The only difference online is that it’s more quantifiable.

baccheion 6y ago

Men should approach. That's expected. Women only approach when males are top 20%. Incels are due to gender skew being realized. Appearing larger than true, mainly due to marketing and lumping in with males who weren't getting any anyway (, are shy/insecure, and/or still in high school).