7 ms·

Although I agree with the sentiment, it is harsh to say this. I am in my 20s as well and can see where he is coming from. I have not gone out on dates this pas

Although I agree with the sentiment, it is harsh to say this. I am in my 20s as well and can see where he is coming from. I have not gone out on dates this past year and it feels bad. 20s are the prime dating years, it feels like a year was taken out where I aged but my life hasn't moved. To make things worse, the whole staying at your home thing has made the desire of having a relationship even more strong as the alone periods do hit you hard. Though to put things in perspective, a lot of people had it way worse than just their dating life/travel being disrupted.

kjakm 6y ago
I understand - I'm also in my 20's. It sucks. A lot. But we're not the only people having to sacrifice and hopefully things get back to normal soon! It's tough but I don't think anyone will regret doing the right thing and hopefully we'll appreciate life a bit more afterwards.
- actuator 6y ago
  Yeah, I agree. I think we are going to see changes in dating attitudes after this. At least in my circle of friends and extended circle, I have seen the desire for serious relationships go stronger in this period. Also, the appreciation for family for those who were able to live with them.
- ndiscussion 6y ago
  Imagine sacrificing the lives of our youth for 1% of boomers. Morally intolerable if you ask me, but obviously, we all have our biases.
  - soledades 6y ago
    I guess if you had everyone rate the relative worth of each year of their lives and the effect of lockdown on that value, the maximizing strategy would be probably be no lockdown. The thing is though that those later years of people’s life are often worth very much to those around them. For instance, what about a four year old whose primary caretaker is their grandmother? Four is a precious year with an outsize effect on the trajectory of someone’s life. The calculations are not so simple then.
  - philsnow 6y ago
    It really looks like you're comparing the lives of human beings to young people having fun. What's the exchange rate? Should we remove the laws about driving while intoxicated? That's just another form of reckless endangerment that leads to loss of life.
    - jdminhbg 6y ago
      > It really looks like you're comparing the lives of human beings to young people having fun. What's the exchange rate? It's the Quality-Adjusted Life Year: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Quality-adjusted_life_year https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Quality-adjusted_life_year
      - philsnow 6y ago
        yikes, that's chilling. > The method of ranking interventions on grounds of their cost per QALY gained ratio (or ICER) is controversial because it implies a quasi-utilitarian calculus to determine who will or will not receive treatment.
        jdminhbg 6y ago
        Hardly chilling. Simply pretending tradeoffs don't exist doesn't make them go away.
    - ndiscussion 6y ago
      Certainly not. This isn't about fun. This is about giving our youth a normal life. I hate using this term but we're going to see a huge rise in incels, and that will probably lead to massive bloodshed.
    - tomp 6y ago
      Should we be driving at all? After all, every second spent driving a car is equivalent to you killing someone with a low probability.
      - notsureaboutpg 6y ago
  - dsr_ 6y ago
    Imagine sacrificing the fun of our youths in order to prevent them from acquiring and carrying a disease which is currently infecting half a million people per day in the USA and has now killed more than 330,000 people. Long term effects on people who get it but survive are not known... but may include heart/lung damage and, hey, erectile dysfunction. (New Zealand, you go ahead and enjoy yourselves. Remember to use protection.)
philsnow 6y ago
> 20s are the prime dating years, it feels like a year was taken out where I aged but my life hasn't moved. So yeah there are people who are choosing to go on dates, gather, party, etc. Those people are very visible. I get it, there can be FOMO. Why should you sacrifice when they're having fun? Does it help to consider that there are lots of people (dare I say a majority) your age who are making the same sacrifice you are? If/when things return to the old normal, you'll have some sense of solidarity and shared maturity with them. Selflessness is a good quality in a potential spouse. (Of course, unlike the "I voted" sticker, there's no "I stayed home" sticker, so in two years you're not going to be able to tell who did what now.) > To make things worse, the whole staying at your home thing has made the desire of having a relationship even more strong as the alone periods do hit you hard. I get this. My wife passed away 9 months before the pandemic hit full swing and I'm lonely af. I don't get to see adult friends really at all anymore. > Though to put things in perspective, a lot of people had it way worse than just their dating life/travel being disrupted. Exactly this. Every time you choose not to go to a party or whatever, you could be averting the death of a family member (yours or a friend's, or friend-of-friend's, etc).
- scarmig 6y ago
  The issue as I see it is that a kind of social contract has been broken. The government executing a real quarantine for two months would be totally reasonable: everyone would have been back to relative normality long ago. But few governments committed to that: moreover, the most vociferous opponents of real lockdowns weren't the young, but the relatively old. And so we've pretty much burned a year of life for everyone. I know many, many people for whom 2020 has been the worst year of their life, in large part due to the lockdown. The people who have suffered least are the people who are basically at home anyway; professionals established enough in their careers to thrive during WFH; the already coupled; and those with kids. Although inconvenienced, they can still progress with their lives. But for many singles in their 20s or 30s, this has been a lost year. And that's very costly: particularly if you want to raise a family, losing a year or more of dating and socialization from your late 20s or 30s is incredibly damaging to those chances.
  - 6y ago

kjakm 6y ago

I understand - I'm also in my 20's. It sucks. A lot. But we're not the only people having to sacrifice and hopefully things get back to normal soon! It's tough but I don't think anyone will regret doing the right thing and hopefully we'll appreciate life a bit more afterwards.

actuator 6y ago
Yeah, I agree. I think we are going to see changes in dating attitudes after this. At least in my circle of friends and extended circle, I have seen the desire for serious relationships go stronger in this period. Also, the appreciation for family for those who were able to live with them.
ndiscussion 6y ago
Imagine sacrificing the lives of our youth for 1% of boomers. Morally intolerable if you ask me, but obviously, we all have our biases.
- soledades 6y ago
  I guess if you had everyone rate the relative worth of each year of their lives and the effect of lockdown on that value, the maximizing strategy would be probably be no lockdown. The thing is though that those later years of people’s life are often worth very much to those around them. For instance, what about a four year old whose primary caretaker is their grandmother? Four is a precious year with an outsize effect on the trajectory of someone’s life. The calculations are not so simple then.
- philsnow 6y ago
  It really looks like you're comparing the lives of human beings to young people having fun. What's the exchange rate? Should we remove the laws about driving while intoxicated? That's just another form of reckless endangerment that leads to loss of life.
  - jdminhbg 6y ago
    > It really looks like you're comparing the lives of human beings to young people having fun. What's the exchange rate? It's the Quality-Adjusted Life Year: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Quality-adjusted_life_year https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Quality-adjusted_life_year
    - philsnow 6y ago
      yikes, that's chilling. > The method of ranking interventions on grounds of their cost per QALY gained ratio (or ICER) is controversial because it implies a quasi-utilitarian calculus to determine who will or will not receive treatment.
      - jdminhbg 6y ago
        Hardly chilling. Simply pretending tradeoffs don't exist doesn't make them go away.
  - ndiscussion 6y ago
    Certainly not. This isn't about fun. This is about giving our youth a normal life. I hate using this term but we're going to see a huge rise in incels, and that will probably lead to massive bloodshed.
  - tomp 6y ago
    Should we be driving at all? After all, every second spent driving a car is equivalent to you killing someone with a low probability.
    - notsureaboutpg 6y ago
- dsr_ 6y ago
  Imagine sacrificing the fun of our youths in order to prevent them from acquiring and carrying a disease which is currently infecting half a million people per day in the USA and has now killed more than 330,000 people. Long term effects on people who get it but survive are not known... but may include heart/lung damage and, hey, erectile dysfunction. (New Zealand, you go ahead and enjoy yourselves. Remember to use protection.)

philsnow 6y ago

> 20s are the prime dating years, it feels like a year was taken out where I aged but my life hasn't moved. So yeah there are people who are choosing to go on dates, gather, party, etc. Those people are very visible. I get it, there can be FOMO. Why should you sacrifice when they're having fun? Does it help to consider that there are lots of people (dare I say a majority) your age who are making the same sacrifice you are? If/when things return to the old normal, you'll have some sense of solidarity and shared maturity with them. Selflessness is a good quality in a potential spouse. (Of course, unlike the "I voted" sticker, there's no "I stayed home" sticker, so in two years you're not going to be able to tell who did what now.) > To make things worse, the whole staying at your home thing has made the desire of having a relationship even more strong as the alone periods do hit you hard. I get this. My wife passed away 9 months before the pandemic hit full swing and I'm lonely af. I don't get to see adult friends really at all anymore. > Though to put things in perspective, a lot of people had it way worse than just their dating life/travel being disrupted. Exactly this. Every time you choose not to go to a party or whatever, you could be averting the death of a family member (yours or a friend's, or friend-of-friend's, etc).

scarmig 6y ago
The issue as I see it is that a kind of social contract has been broken. The government executing a real quarantine for two months would be totally reasonable: everyone would have been back to relative normality long ago. But few governments committed to that: moreover, the most vociferous opponents of real lockdowns weren't the young, but the relatively old. And so we've pretty much burned a year of life for everyone. I know many, many people for whom 2020 has been the worst year of their life, in large part due to the lockdown. The people who have suffered least are the people who are basically at home anyway; professionals established enough in their careers to thrive during WFH; the already coupled; and those with kids. Although inconvenienced, they can still progress with their lives. But for many singles in their 20s or 30s, this has been a lost year. And that's very costly: particularly if you want to raise a family, losing a year or more of dating and socialization from your late 20s or 30s is incredibly damaging to those chances.
- 6y ago