It is sadly typical and can result in something a friend of mine experienced. She left her husband, told friends that he was abusive, and the general response

It is sadly typical and can result in something a friend of mine experienced. She left her husband, told friends that he was abusive, and the general response was "Him? But he's such a great guy! You must be lying." ( Fortunately for her, the friends who attempted to console him pretty soon noticed how violent he got when he talked about her. When he threw a glass at the wall at a friend's apartment, she started getting a lot of apologies. ) It's almost an adaptive behavior. If they were violent to strangers, they wouldn't have long term acquaintances.