5 ms·

> You can read all the dating books you want, but getting in shape is the only thing that works. Counterpoint: I got in great shape in my early 20s, but didn't

by VRay 6y ago

> You can read all the dating books you want, but getting in shape is the only thing that works. Counterpoint: I got in great shape in my early 20s, but didn't have much luck with dating because I was still a "Reddit niceguys"-style jerk Later on I stopped being a jerk, and even though I ballooned back to a very stately American weight I had way better luck with dating. Including "attractive females" as a young involuntarily-celibate gentleman might say

xnyan 6y ago
Agree. Try to be a good person and be honest. Treat your hygiene as important, clean up your home and maybe think a little bit about some clothes that look nice on you. That's all you need to do.
- creamytaco 6y ago
  Assuming you're at least moderately physically attractive. And even then, the quality of partners you can attract in terms of looks is non-linearly decreasing as your own physical attractiveness drops. OkCupid studies have proven that women find 80% of men below average looking. If you don't happen to be at least average in terms of looks, things are looking grim.
  - VRay 6y ago
    This is like looking at hiring statistics and deciding you'll never get a FAANG job unless you went to a top-tier university Going on a dating site and messaging attractive women there is like sending resumes into the online job sites for Google/Facebook/etc. MAYBE you'll get a response, but more likely you're just wasting your time. In the working world, you can build up your skills and network to get a referral In the dating world, you can improve your hygeine/personality and get an introduction via mutual friends/family/family's friends/family's friends' coworkers.
    - creamytaco 6y ago
      And why do you think that would be any different? Do you seriously believe women will suddenly view a physically unattractive male as sexually desirable just because they got an introduction? It doesn't happen. Raw sexual attraction is not something one builds towards with friend/family introductions/referrals and good hygiene. It's a visceral, almost animal-like condition that manifests at the drop of a hat and physical appearance (face, height, build) is _the_ most (if not the only) important attribute. Those that have won the genetic lottery are smooth sailing. The sky is the limit. Those that are average have to put in work to get results (and there are definite limits, they will hit a ceiling). Those that have lost the genetic lottery are kneecapped from the get-go and they're looking at a vastly diminished set of possible partners and opportunities.
      - whatever1 6y ago
        And unfortunately this can impact their career opportunities as well.
        VRay 6y ago
        the only way it's going to have a really substantial effect in the USA is if you have bad hygiene Personally, I think that whiteboarding/in-person interviews are mostly BS and "culture fit" (AKA: You like the person) has an oversized impact. But since you're not trying to woo the hiring manager into bed with you, you just have to make sure you aren't obnoxiously gross. Even if you're the ugliest dude on the planet, all that means is you need to take a shower and wear clean clothes.
      - kaybe 6y ago
        If you have others to vouch for you it's helpful since one thing everyone look for is creepiness - how much of a danger could you be? If you're just shy or awkward it might mean tough luck since it's hard to differentiate, but with an introduction this is much easier to overcome. Seriously, the first hurdle is not 'is this guy sexually attractive' but 'is this guy potentially dangerous', and it's far safer to err on the side of caution.
  - tomp 6y ago
    Take that stat with a grain of salt. Obviously 80% of women don’t die single & childless, so clearly they just might value non-looks more highly than men? Also OKCupid is purely static visual - in reality, behaviour (confidence, boldness, social skill, ...) is very important as well, but you can’t judge that from a photo.
laurent92 6y ago
Sorry, what do you mean « being a jerk »? I know I’m sounding naive, but if it’s something you decided to change and were able to, maybe it could be interesting.

by VRay 6y ago

xnyan 6y ago

Agree. Try to be a good person and be honest. Treat your hygiene as important, clean up your home and maybe think a little bit about some clothes that look nice on you. That's all you need to do.

creamytaco 6y ago
Assuming you're at least moderately physically attractive. And even then, the quality of partners you can attract in terms of looks is non-linearly decreasing as your own physical attractiveness drops. OkCupid studies have proven that women find 80% of men below average looking. If you don't happen to be at least average in terms of looks, things are looking grim.
- VRay 6y ago
  This is like looking at hiring statistics and deciding you'll never get a FAANG job unless you went to a top-tier university Going on a dating site and messaging attractive women there is like sending resumes into the online job sites for Google/Facebook/etc. MAYBE you'll get a response, but more likely you're just wasting your time. In the working world, you can build up your skills and network to get a referral In the dating world, you can improve your hygeine/personality and get an introduction via mutual friends/family/family's friends/family's friends' coworkers.
  - creamytaco 6y ago
    And why do you think that would be any different? Do you seriously believe women will suddenly view a physically unattractive male as sexually desirable just because they got an introduction? It doesn't happen. Raw sexual attraction is not something one builds towards with friend/family introductions/referrals and good hygiene. It's a visceral, almost animal-like condition that manifests at the drop of a hat and physical appearance (face, height, build) is _the_ most (if not the only) important attribute. Those that have won the genetic lottery are smooth sailing. The sky is the limit. Those that are average have to put in work to get results (and there are definite limits, they will hit a ceiling). Those that have lost the genetic lottery are kneecapped from the get-go and they're looking at a vastly diminished set of possible partners and opportunities.
    - whatever1 6y ago
      And unfortunately this can impact their career opportunities as well.
      - VRay 6y ago
        the only way it's going to have a really substantial effect in the USA is if you have bad hygiene Personally, I think that whiteboarding/in-person interviews are mostly BS and "culture fit" (AKA: You like the person) has an oversized impact. But since you're not trying to woo the hiring manager into bed with you, you just have to make sure you aren't obnoxiously gross. Even if you're the ugliest dude on the planet, all that means is you need to take a shower and wear clean clothes.
    - kaybe 6y ago
      If you have others to vouch for you it's helpful since one thing everyone look for is creepiness - how much of a danger could you be? If you're just shy or awkward it might mean tough luck since it's hard to differentiate, but with an introduction this is much easier to overcome. Seriously, the first hurdle is not 'is this guy sexually attractive' but 'is this guy potentially dangerous', and it's far safer to err on the side of caution.
- tomp 6y ago
  Take that stat with a grain of salt. Obviously 80% of women don’t die single & childless, so clearly they just might value non-looks more highly than men? Also OKCupid is purely static visual - in reality, behaviour (confidence, boldness, social skill, ...) is very important as well, but you can’t judge that from a photo.

laurent92 6y ago

Sorry, what do you mean « being a jerk »? I know I’m sounding naive, but if it’s something you decided to change and were able to, maybe it could be interesting.