Dude, please find a therapist. See if your employer works with any mental health providers and if not, try finding one on https://www.psychologytoday.com/ https

Dude, please find a therapist. See if your employer works with any mental health providers and if not, try finding one on https://www.psychologytoday.com/ https://www.psychologytoday.com/ . Yes it's expensive and time consuming, but this is the most important step you can take to better your life. Please do this, work is a band aid you are using to distract yourself from serious issues. They will catch up eventually.