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>But that doesn't mean it is a healthy way to spend all of your time. Dunno about that. Just a personal anecdote, but this year my boss specifically told me t

>But that doesn't mean it is a healthy way to spend all of your time. Dunno about that. Just a personal anecdote, but this year my boss specifically told me to work less, slashing my salary down by $10,000 a year to emphasize the point. Prior to this, 200 to 240 hours a month was pretty typical and has been for the last 8 years. (I doubt it's out of real concern for my health, my workload hasn't been reduced). What I've found was that in the times of idleness though I've thought more and more about suicide. The Christmas holidays were some of the first I've had to have an entire week to myself and I spent most of it was spent testing methods for speed, logistics, and discomfort, as well as scouting suitable locations; somewhere that would force an EMS / police arrival on site by 10 minutes or so. Updated my will and managed to work out the logistics of transferring all my assets to to remaining family quickly when I finally make the decision to kill myself. Never in my life has it gotten this far before; never really had time to seriously think about until now. I'd imagine that most people though would probably be more fine with a miserably but living workaholic, then a corpse dead of suicide. As such, could you really say that is working long hours such is really unhealthy? Or such a terrible thing?

abcdjdjd 6y ago
>As such, could you really say that is working long hours such is really unhealthy? Or such a terrible thing? Yes, yes it is. It sounds like you are simply using work as a distraction from your problems instead of addressing them. Our society is becoming more and more disconnected as everyone is working way too much. We should be working less, not more. Less work means people can spend more time doing things they enjoy, socializing, doing things they need to do outside work, and having more time to relax and probably sleep.
- jolmg 6y ago
  > using work as a distraction from your problems instead of addressing them Some problems can't be addressed, but one can learn to live happily in spite of them. I think finding a distraction is a fine way of doing that. Relative to other options, work seems like a very healthy distraction if it works.
thebean11 6y ago
I'm sure there's lots of unhealthy things that will make you temporarily not feel suicidal..I feel great after 5 tequila sodas but it's obviously not good for me. You should really get help
ornornor 6y ago
I don’t know you and I don’t mean to tell you what to do. I can’t imagine what it feels like to be in your situation, consider talking to someone to try and make things better for yourself before doing something you can’t undo. I hope it gets better, and wish you all the best.
domano 6y ago
Change your employer, take a break if financially possible. Life can be better, please talk to someone. Your loved ones and a professional. Life can be fun and working more does not solve problems!
ulysses 6y ago
Perhaps replace the time worked with time spent looking for another job. Despite having faced suicidal depression a time or two myself, I have no great advice to offer; but one of the things I've turned to many times is a bit in the ASR FAQ. 5.8) But seriously, should I kill myself? Seriously, no. As posted to ASR by Ed Evans: Ultimate recovery stalks us all, no need to succour it. Quit or take a leave with or without pay (or permission), stop seeing him or her, recognise that the cat or dog does rule you, call in sick and spend the day in the big blue room, it's only money and can be earned again, all the pictures will be posted again, call the local professionals if you really feel that way... And if all else fails? Lawn mowing. If you're willing to take the severe step of killing yourself, you should be willing to take less severe steps such as quitting your job or taking a leave without permission. And really, there _is_ help out there. Maybe in here, too. And more of us have been there than you may realize. We're grateful now that we didn't do it. (Most days.) In chess they have a saying, "You can't win by resigning." Keep playing; you never know.
vorpalhex 6y ago
Do you have any kind of meaningful social connections outside of work? Whether it's family, religion, non-religious social orgs, hobbies or whatever, a strong set of social connections tends to correlate with happiness. It might also be worth looking into adopting or rescuing a pet, a senior dog tends to be low energy and they typically have low adoption rates. They are often loyal, loving and excellent companions. If you have a blank check for life, use it for some purpose.
- justathrowa 6y ago
  >Do you have any kind of meaningful social connections outside of work? No, but that's been the status quo so I was a child. Wouldn't having a social circle that cause more problems though? Suicide's main issue is the distress it causes for social connections. No circle, no problems.
  - TempNoConflict 6y ago
    When I was child I moved around schools a lot, eventually I stopped trying to make friends. As life went on I distanced myself from family and what few friends I had. I ended up horribly depressed for years, never really understanding why. I was young enough when I started down this path that I wasn't really conscious of the decisions I was making and its impact on my emotional wellbeing, it was just an internalized reaction to losing my friends over and over. When I stopped trying to make friends I let my ability to form meaningful connections rot. Being around people made me sad because I wouldn't let anyone know me and that made me feel misunderstood, like I didn't belong. And being alone all the time just would sap all colour from life. I made a conscious effort to be more forthcoming and open with people last year and its made a world of difference for me. I'm still pretty miserable, somedays can be pretty rough, but life is more than just sadness and emptiness now. I only realized this when I started smoking pot constantly outside of work. It helped me calm down and see things for what they really were. I wouldn't outright recommend becoming a pothead like me, especially if you have mental issues, since it can be dangerous but I'd strongly recommend talking to a professional. I was in such an awful state of mind that I couldn't think rationally even though I was convinced I was. You're more than your emotions, you're more than your thoughts, that's just a state of being. If you want to change those aspects of your life, as an Adult, it falls on you to seek treatment. Please seek treatment if you feel you need it. There are people who want to help.
jolmg 6y ago
If your current work is no longer serving your needs, maybe it's time to find another. Don't let anybody tell you how to live your life. Do what works best. > 200 to 240 hours a month was pretty typical It also seems very normal. I do 210 a month at least (without overtime). That's not counting lunch hour during which I'm mostly still at my desk, and which would add another 20 hours a month. > (I doubt it's out of real concern for my health, my workload hasn't been reduced). I don't know your work or your boss, but it could be they expect you to manage yourself and are waiting to see how the work piles up before deciding what to do about it. If they complain it's not getting done, just quote them. Less time = less work gets done. Also see my other comment: https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=25767160 https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=25767160
axxto 6y ago
Please, consider seeing a professional as soon as possible. Mental illness is nothing to be ashamed of: it doesn't brand you as ANYTHING, any more than being diabetic or having an allergy does. There is a very good chance that a doctor can help you quickly and easily. And you might feel at times like you don't even want to be helped, or that you don't deserve help, or that it's not worth the bother, but those are all symptoms of your problem, not consequences of it. Your judgement IS impaired. It will go away once you're in treatment. You'll be amazed at the change. Please, talk to a professional, be very honest with them about how you're feeling and about the thoughts you are having. I know it's tough to open up and it might seem awkward, and I know it's easy to lose sight of it in these times we live in, but I promise you, there are many people out there that really want to help you, not just because it's their job, and they are more than able to do it. It will change your life. You will get over this and come out stronger on the other side. You'll see. Best wishes, friend.
- robocat 6y ago
  > please, consider seeing a professional as soon as possible. Strongly agree. > Mental illness is nothing to be ashamed of: it doesn't brand you as ANYTHING, any more than being diabetic or having an allergy does Strongly disagree. In theory it shouldn’t. However in practice it often is incredibly shameful, and we all sympathise with that. Even your own internal song about a diagnosis can have vast negative consequences. Friends and family can treat you like a pariah: for example many people will consciously choose not to let Reese near their kids because of some diagnoses. Even worse the effects of being labelled (ignoring the effects of a mental issue) can be subtle and hard to see because they are socially hidden, or they are subconscious, so that one is left questioning why things happened the way they did. I agree, it can often be positive. But I have friends that have been given labels, and who I’ve witnessed negative outcomes for them, well beyond those caused by their “illness”. The idea is to get help even though it is scary... especially for suicidal thoughts. Not seeking help is very likely to be extremely harmful to many people. Edit: One can choose to hide a condition from friends or family, but that has other consequences, such as making one more distant or detached. Yes, get help, but keep your eyes open and get good advice on how to share everthing with your friends and family, in the best manner you can find. More positively, vulnerability often makes you closer to friends and with a small amount of luck helps you be a better person e.g. less judgemental about others. All the best, there is a lot of love out there for most everyone.
wittyreference 6y ago
I kind of feel obligated to pipe in as a physician: There are signs of people not being a high suicide risk, despite depression and overt claims of suicidality. This post is the absolute opposite of that - if you were with me in the clinic right now, I'd consider you an incredibly high risk of an actual suicide attempt. Please, please, please, please reach out to a professional and friends for help. Please.
- justathrowa 6y ago
  With all respect Doctor, but I'd rather not. Could you say you or all your peers would gladly do so in my place? What do you imagine the outcome would be? For whatever it's worth, the testing and arrangements were to solidify method and location, whereas the timing still remains uncertain, caused by me being the fool that I am. But I can reasonably guarantee you will not be affected in either case; at some point you'll scarcely remember this conversation and soon enough you'll have forgotten it in it's entirety as just another post on the internet. So best not to think on it.
  - wittyreference 6y ago
    I can say that I would, because I was in your place, and I did reach out - even though it took me a long time to do so, which brought me far closer to the precipice than I'd care to dwell on. I can't say that I did it without trepidation or concern of stigma, but I was surprised at the degree to which that fear was unjustified. In hindsight, I don't know whether I was over-exaggerating the feared stigma in keeping with our cultural expectations, or as an expression of the depression itself. Either way, I can tell you that the experience was painless. Getting appropriate medication also made a world of difference, to such a degree that nowadays, when things deteriorate, I can qualitatively recognize "those" thoughts and feelings as not belonging to my normal palette, though there are grey areas that sometimes sneak up on me. I don't speak up on my behalf, as you're right - I'm just a stranger on the internet, and we'll forget about each other soon enough. I'm speaking up on behalf of the people in your life that you're currently telling yourself will be better off without you. Because they won't be better off, and they'll carry the pain of your absence as a wound that doesn't heal.
mistersquid 6y ago
Because you've taken concrete steps to prepare for suicide, please take a few minutes to discuss this with a doctor or a mental health professional. One resource is the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline. https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org
honkycat 6y ago
Hey: I'm sorry you are suffering so much you are thinking about taking your own life. I know your pain is real because I have felt it myself before. I do not want you to commit suicide, please stay with us. Please call the suicide prevention hotline and get help. Just try to talk to someone on this phone line at least once. It helped me: https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/ https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/
chickenfries 6y ago
I don’t know what has brought you to this point in life, but I’m sorry that it has you considering suicide. For me, being a workaholic left me feeling disconnected and isolated from the world. The antidepressants didn’t help, they just numbed me to my own emotional pain enough that I could keep functioning. The holidays are a depressing time for a lot of people, and to a limited extent, I can see the harm reduction in working through them. But for me, finding a reason to live involved spending time outside of work to make new friends, revive old friendships, and improve my family life. I truly believe that work is no replacement for friends and family, the only things that I have found worth living for. I hope things start looking up for you, friend.
robocat 6y ago
Working on how you would commit suicide is a very strong signal you are in mortal danger, according to my friend a nurse with experience. Your problem to solve is: ‘what will make my life worthwhile.’ Make it your job to solve that and spend time and money(=stored time) to do so. The alternative job of how to end your life is a poor goal, IMHO. You can pay someone to care about you (edit: and has the skills to be useful): a councillor or a life coach or a nurse or whoever... Choosing someone is a difficult problem, but it is tractable; perhaps try multiple people in parallel (edit: from different specialities) and pick whoever clicks the most with you. Don’t be scared to spend money: as a purely financial decision anything that keeps you earning for many years to come would be an insanely great investment (in fact, so good that it is a startup idea in itself that if scaled could get VC funding). In an ideal world you have someone close to you help you that (a) would take the time to help, (b) can make the time to help, and (c) has the ability to help. However it isn’t as common as it should be to have someone like that available. If you are lonely then you likely believe you don’t have that person in your life already, so paying a stranger is far simpler. Finally, if you must commit suicide, please do it so that it plausibly looks like an accident. Suicide is devastating to so many people around you, even very loose acquaintances and strangers in your social graph... I have seen the deep effects of suicides rip through my own friends and acquaintances, and it is the caring and vulnerable that are most deeply and often permanently hurt (sometimes they may be on the far distant fringes of the social graph from the suicide). I personally believe you can do whatever you want with your life, but harming others touches their life. Edit: if you reply with a way to contact you, I myself would share my time with you, because even just trying to help is an interesting challenge for me. I don’t have any training, but I might possibly be more in tune with you than many who do?
- justathrowa 6y ago
  I think there's been some misunderstanding. If I'm understanding you correctly, you seem to believe that the issue is that I'm lonely, and it's not a bad assumption but it's not entirely correct. I grew up without friends, my parents forbade me from making friends from childhood until I was done university and by then for the most part I was, and still am, fine with being alone. >Finally, if you must commit suicide, please do it so that it plausibly looks like an accident. I had a few ideas, but the only semi feasible one I thought of so far was to mix heavy alcohol intoxication and hypothermia. Hypothermia is uncomfortable until you start loosing your mental faculties. The alcohol might be able to cover for the discomfort but I haven't tested that particular combination. And there's a slight concern about the poor sap that comes across my body. Fentanyl overdose is probably the next option but I lack the necessary friends-of-friends to acquire some. And there isn't a way of testing the timing or potency against the time of arrival of EMT's that seem to carry Narcan in their pockets. I'm open to hearing ideas if you have any though.
jason0597 6y ago
I've noticed in the replies below that you've said you don't have meaningful relationships with anyone. I firmly believe that this is a strong contributing factor to how you feel right now. I've been through similar situations in my life as well, very dark times that I have trouble believing I went through. Do you want to talk more? My email is in my profile. I'm happy to talk with you!
esja 6y ago
Friend, please call the suicide prevention hotline in your country. It will only take a few minutes. If you do this now, and if you decide to trust in yourself and the many people who will help you from that moment onward, one day you can wake from this bad dream. You will have no more suicidal thoughts, and you will begin to love and appreciate yourself and your unique life, just as you deserve to. Please just commit to making contact and giving it a try. You've spent lots of time researching the alternatives - please just spend a few minutes and take one step along this path.
Tycho 6y ago
Go to church. The people there will talk to you and welcome you to join activities. During the service all you have to do is stand up, sit down, and sing along. Listening is optional. Even if you are not religious, you can treat it as some sort of research into mass psychology or systems of civilization.
- afpx 6y ago
  Christianity has been a great brain hack for me. I recently converted after reading through a modern, literal translation of the NT (Hart). I was previously an atheist my entire life. Distilled down, with all the noise and controversy cut out, one's left with an existential God who only asks that we submit to him, be good to everyone, and work our hardest to just be our authentic selves. A nice side effect, as you alluded, is that one instantly gets a family of 3 billion people who are basically forced to like and accept them (as long as they're 'good' - which varies with Christian sect).
- jborichevskiy 6y ago
  To add to this: if the religiosity of modern Christian denominations is off-putting - I recommend taking a look at Unitarian Universalism. If I _had_ to pick a church to try and attend today that didn't grate with my morals, I'd probably start my search here. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Unitarian_Universalism https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Unitarian_Universalism
nullsense 6y ago
My dad killed himself when I was 15. I found his body after coming home from school on a sunny day excited to tell him I'd finally done well on a math test. It destroyed me emotionally. I didn't come right for 5 years and it left permanent emotional scars. It was hands down the nastiest, most brutal, awful and enduring experience I've ever had. I beg you to reconsider. Talk to the people in your life about how you feel. Edit: reflecting on this I feel like there is a law of conservation of pain. You can't eliminate your pain by suicide, you simply transfer it to others.
fistfucker3000 6y ago
Dude, please find a therapist. See if your employer works with any mental health providers and if not, try finding one on https://www.psychologytoday.com/ https://www.psychologytoday.com/ . Yes it's expensive and time consuming, but this is the most important step you can take to better your life. Please do this, work is a band aid you are using to distract yourself from serious issues. They will catch up eventually.
bitcoinmoney 6y ago
Please reach out to a friend or professional. You can DM me if you want.
jason0597 6y ago
Here's a quote that may interest you: --- When asked what the most surprising thing about humanity was the Dalai Lama gave the following response: "Man. Because he sacrifices his health in order to make money. Then he sacrifices money to recuperate his health. And then he is so anxious about the future that he does not enjoy the present; the result being that he does not live in the present or the future; he lives as if he is never going to die, and then dies having never really lived" - Dalai Lama (paraphrased)

abcdjdjd 6y ago

>As such, could you really say that is working long hours such is really unhealthy? Or such a terrible thing? Yes, yes it is. It sounds like you are simply using work as a distraction from your problems instead of addressing them. Our society is becoming more and more disconnected as everyone is working way too much. We should be working less, not more. Less work means people can spend more time doing things they enjoy, socializing, doing things they need to do outside work, and having more time to relax and probably sleep.

jolmg 6y ago
> using work as a distraction from your problems instead of addressing them Some problems can't be addressed, but one can learn to live happily in spite of them. I think finding a distraction is a fine way of doing that. Relative to other options, work seems like a very healthy distraction if it works.

thebean11 6y ago

I'm sure there's lots of unhealthy things that will make you temporarily not feel suicidal..I feel great after 5 tequila sodas but it's obviously not good for me. You should really get help

ornornor 6y ago

I don’t know you and I don’t mean to tell you what to do. I can’t imagine what it feels like to be in your situation, consider talking to someone to try and make things better for yourself before doing something you can’t undo. I hope it gets better, and wish you all the best.

domano 6y ago

Change your employer, take a break if financially possible. Life can be better, please talk to someone. Your loved ones and a professional. Life can be fun and working more does not solve problems!

ulysses 6y ago

Perhaps replace the time worked with time spent looking for another job. Despite having faced suicidal depression a time or two myself, I have no great advice to offer; but one of the things I've turned to many times is a bit in the ASR FAQ. 5.8) But seriously, should I kill myself? Seriously, no. As posted to ASR by Ed Evans: Ultimate recovery stalks us all, no need to succour it. Quit or take a leave with or without pay (or permission), stop seeing him or her, recognise that the cat or dog does rule you, call in sick and spend the day in the big blue room, it's only money and can be earned again, all the pictures will be posted again, call the local professionals if you really feel that way... And if all else fails? Lawn mowing. If you're willing to take the severe step of killing yourself, you should be willing to take less severe steps such as quitting your job or taking a leave without permission. And really, there _is_ help out there. Maybe in here, too. And more of us have been there than you may realize. We're grateful now that we didn't do it. (Most days.) In chess they have a saying, "You can't win by resigning." Keep playing; you never know.

vorpalhex 6y ago

Do you have any kind of meaningful social connections outside of work? Whether it's family, religion, non-religious social orgs, hobbies or whatever, a strong set of social connections tends to correlate with happiness. It might also be worth looking into adopting or rescuing a pet, a senior dog tends to be low energy and they typically have low adoption rates. They are often loyal, loving and excellent companions. If you have a blank check for life, use it for some purpose.

justathrowa 6y ago
>Do you have any kind of meaningful social connections outside of work? No, but that's been the status quo so I was a child. Wouldn't having a social circle that cause more problems though? Suicide's main issue is the distress it causes for social connections. No circle, no problems.
- TempNoConflict 6y ago
  When I was child I moved around schools a lot, eventually I stopped trying to make friends. As life went on I distanced myself from family and what few friends I had. I ended up horribly depressed for years, never really understanding why. I was young enough when I started down this path that I wasn't really conscious of the decisions I was making and its impact on my emotional wellbeing, it was just an internalized reaction to losing my friends over and over. When I stopped trying to make friends I let my ability to form meaningful connections rot. Being around people made me sad because I wouldn't let anyone know me and that made me feel misunderstood, like I didn't belong. And being alone all the time just would sap all colour from life. I made a conscious effort to be more forthcoming and open with people last year and its made a world of difference for me. I'm still pretty miserable, somedays can be pretty rough, but life is more than just sadness and emptiness now. I only realized this when I started smoking pot constantly outside of work. It helped me calm down and see things for what they really were. I wouldn't outright recommend becoming a pothead like me, especially if you have mental issues, since it can be dangerous but I'd strongly recommend talking to a professional. I was in such an awful state of mind that I couldn't think rationally even though I was convinced I was. You're more than your emotions, you're more than your thoughts, that's just a state of being. If you want to change those aspects of your life, as an Adult, it falls on you to seek treatment. Please seek treatment if you feel you need it. There are people who want to help.

jolmg 6y ago

If your current work is no longer serving your needs, maybe it's time to find another. Don't let anybody tell you how to live your life. Do what works best. > 200 to 240 hours a month was pretty typical It also seems very normal. I do 210 a month at least (without overtime). That's not counting lunch hour during which I'm mostly still at my desk, and which would add another 20 hours a month. > (I doubt it's out of real concern for my health, my workload hasn't been reduced). I don't know your work or your boss, but it could be they expect you to manage yourself and are waiting to see how the work piles up before deciding what to do about it. If they complain it's not getting done, just quote them. Less time = less work gets done. Also see my other comment: https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=25767160 https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=25767160

axxto 6y ago

Please, consider seeing a professional as soon as possible. Mental illness is nothing to be ashamed of: it doesn't brand you as ANYTHING, any more than being diabetic or having an allergy does. There is a very good chance that a doctor can help you quickly and easily. And you might feel at times like you don't even want to be helped, or that you don't deserve help, or that it's not worth the bother, but those are all symptoms of your problem, not consequences of it. Your judgement IS impaired. It will go away once you're in treatment. You'll be amazed at the change. Please, talk to a professional, be very honest with them about how you're feeling and about the thoughts you are having. I know it's tough to open up and it might seem awkward, and I know it's easy to lose sight of it in these times we live in, but I promise you, there are many people out there that really want to help you, not just because it's their job, and they are more than able to do it. It will change your life. You will get over this and come out stronger on the other side. You'll see. Best wishes, friend.

robocat 6y ago
> please, consider seeing a professional as soon as possible. Strongly agree. > Mental illness is nothing to be ashamed of: it doesn't brand you as ANYTHING, any more than being diabetic or having an allergy does Strongly disagree. In theory it shouldn’t. However in practice it often is incredibly shameful, and we all sympathise with that. Even your own internal song about a diagnosis can have vast negative consequences. Friends and family can treat you like a pariah: for example many people will consciously choose not to let Reese near their kids because of some diagnoses. Even worse the effects of being labelled (ignoring the effects of a mental issue) can be subtle and hard to see because they are socially hidden, or they are subconscious, so that one is left questioning why things happened the way they did. I agree, it can often be positive. But I have friends that have been given labels, and who I’ve witnessed negative outcomes for them, well beyond those caused by their “illness”. The idea is to get help even though it is scary... especially for suicidal thoughts. Not seeking help is very likely to be extremely harmful to many people. Edit: One can choose to hide a condition from friends or family, but that has other consequences, such as making one more distant or detached. Yes, get help, but keep your eyes open and get good advice on how to share everthing with your friends and family, in the best manner you can find. More positively, vulnerability often makes you closer to friends and with a small amount of luck helps you be a better person e.g. less judgemental about others. All the best, there is a lot of love out there for most everyone.

wittyreference 6y ago

I kind of feel obligated to pipe in as a physician: There are signs of people not being a high suicide risk, despite depression and overt claims of suicidality. This post is the absolute opposite of that - if you were with me in the clinic right now, I'd consider you an incredibly high risk of an actual suicide attempt. Please, please, please, please reach out to a professional and friends for help. Please.

justathrowa 6y ago
With all respect Doctor, but I'd rather not. Could you say you or all your peers would gladly do so in my place? What do you imagine the outcome would be? For whatever it's worth, the testing and arrangements were to solidify method and location, whereas the timing still remains uncertain, caused by me being the fool that I am. But I can reasonably guarantee you will not be affected in either case; at some point you'll scarcely remember this conversation and soon enough you'll have forgotten it in it's entirety as just another post on the internet. So best not to think on it.
- wittyreference 6y ago
  I can say that I would, because I was in your place, and I did reach out - even though it took me a long time to do so, which brought me far closer to the precipice than I'd care to dwell on. I can't say that I did it without trepidation or concern of stigma, but I was surprised at the degree to which that fear was unjustified. In hindsight, I don't know whether I was over-exaggerating the feared stigma in keeping with our cultural expectations, or as an expression of the depression itself. Either way, I can tell you that the experience was painless. Getting appropriate medication also made a world of difference, to such a degree that nowadays, when things deteriorate, I can qualitatively recognize "those" thoughts and feelings as not belonging to my normal palette, though there are grey areas that sometimes sneak up on me. I don't speak up on my behalf, as you're right - I'm just a stranger on the internet, and we'll forget about each other soon enough. I'm speaking up on behalf of the people in your life that you're currently telling yourself will be better off without you. Because they won't be better off, and they'll carry the pain of your absence as a wound that doesn't heal.

mistersquid 6y ago

Because you've taken concrete steps to prepare for suicide, please take a few minutes to discuss this with a doctor or a mental health professional. One resource is the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline. https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org

honkycat 6y ago

Hey: I'm sorry you are suffering so much you are thinking about taking your own life. I know your pain is real because I have felt it myself before. I do not want you to commit suicide, please stay with us. Please call the suicide prevention hotline and get help. Just try to talk to someone on this phone line at least once. It helped me: https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/ https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/

chickenfries 6y ago

I don’t know what has brought you to this point in life, but I’m sorry that it has you considering suicide. For me, being a workaholic left me feeling disconnected and isolated from the world. The antidepressants didn’t help, they just numbed me to my own emotional pain enough that I could keep functioning. The holidays are a depressing time for a lot of people, and to a limited extent, I can see the harm reduction in working through them. But for me, finding a reason to live involved spending time outside of work to make new friends, revive old friendships, and improve my family life. I truly believe that work is no replacement for friends and family, the only things that I have found worth living for. I hope things start looking up for you, friend.

robocat 6y ago

Working on how you would commit suicide is a very strong signal you are in mortal danger, according to my friend a nurse with experience. Your problem to solve is: ‘what will make my life worthwhile.’ Make it your job to solve that and spend time and money(=stored time) to do so. The alternative job of how to end your life is a poor goal, IMHO. You can pay someone to care about you (edit: and has the skills to be useful): a councillor or a life coach or a nurse or whoever... Choosing someone is a difficult problem, but it is tractable; perhaps try multiple people in parallel (edit: from different specialities) and pick whoever clicks the most with you. Don’t be scared to spend money: as a purely financial decision anything that keeps you earning for many years to come would be an insanely great investment (in fact, so good that it is a startup idea in itself that if scaled could get VC funding). In an ideal world you have someone close to you help you that (a) would take the time to help, (b) can make the time to help, and (c) has the ability to help. However it isn’t as common as it should be to have someone like that available. If you are lonely then you likely believe you don’t have that person in your life already, so paying a stranger is far simpler. Finally, if you must commit suicide, please do it so that it plausibly looks like an accident. Suicide is devastating to so many people around you, even very loose acquaintances and strangers in your social graph... I have seen the deep effects of suicides rip through my own friends and acquaintances, and it is the caring and vulnerable that are most deeply and often permanently hurt (sometimes they may be on the far distant fringes of the social graph from the suicide). I personally believe you can do whatever you want with your life, but harming others touches their life. Edit: if you reply with a way to contact you, I myself would share my time with you, because even just trying to help is an interesting challenge for me. I don’t have any training, but I might possibly be more in tune with you than many who do?

justathrowa 6y ago
I think there's been some misunderstanding. If I'm understanding you correctly, you seem to believe that the issue is that I'm lonely, and it's not a bad assumption but it's not entirely correct. I grew up without friends, my parents forbade me from making friends from childhood until I was done university and by then for the most part I was, and still am, fine with being alone. >Finally, if you must commit suicide, please do it so that it plausibly looks like an accident. I had a few ideas, but the only semi feasible one I thought of so far was to mix heavy alcohol intoxication and hypothermia. Hypothermia is uncomfortable until you start loosing your mental faculties. The alcohol might be able to cover for the discomfort but I haven't tested that particular combination. And there's a slight concern about the poor sap that comes across my body. Fentanyl overdose is probably the next option but I lack the necessary friends-of-friends to acquire some. And there isn't a way of testing the timing or potency against the time of arrival of EMT's that seem to carry Narcan in their pockets. I'm open to hearing ideas if you have any though.

jason0597 6y ago

I've noticed in the replies below that you've said you don't have meaningful relationships with anyone. I firmly believe that this is a strong contributing factor to how you feel right now. I've been through similar situations in my life as well, very dark times that I have trouble believing I went through. Do you want to talk more? My email is in my profile. I'm happy to talk with you!

esja 6y ago

Friend, please call the suicide prevention hotline in your country. It will only take a few minutes. If you do this now, and if you decide to trust in yourself and the many people who will help you from that moment onward, one day you can wake from this bad dream. You will have no more suicidal thoughts, and you will begin to love and appreciate yourself and your unique life, just as you deserve to. Please just commit to making contact and giving it a try. You've spent lots of time researching the alternatives - please just spend a few minutes and take one step along this path.

Tycho 6y ago

Go to church. The people there will talk to you and welcome you to join activities. During the service all you have to do is stand up, sit down, and sing along. Listening is optional. Even if you are not religious, you can treat it as some sort of research into mass psychology or systems of civilization.

afpx 6y ago
Christianity has been a great brain hack for me. I recently converted after reading through a modern, literal translation of the NT (Hart). I was previously an atheist my entire life. Distilled down, with all the noise and controversy cut out, one's left with an existential God who only asks that we submit to him, be good to everyone, and work our hardest to just be our authentic selves. A nice side effect, as you alluded, is that one instantly gets a family of 3 billion people who are basically forced to like and accept them (as long as they're 'good' - which varies with Christian sect).
jborichevskiy 6y ago
To add to this: if the religiosity of modern Christian denominations is off-putting - I recommend taking a look at Unitarian Universalism. If I _had_ to pick a church to try and attend today that didn't grate with my morals, I'd probably start my search here. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Unitarian_Universalism https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Unitarian_Universalism

nullsense 6y ago

My dad killed himself when I was 15. I found his body after coming home from school on a sunny day excited to tell him I'd finally done well on a math test. It destroyed me emotionally. I didn't come right for 5 years and it left permanent emotional scars. It was hands down the nastiest, most brutal, awful and enduring experience I've ever had. I beg you to reconsider. Talk to the people in your life about how you feel. Edit: reflecting on this I feel like there is a law of conservation of pain. You can't eliminate your pain by suicide, you simply transfer it to others.

fistfucker3000 6y ago

Dude, please find a therapist. See if your employer works with any mental health providers and if not, try finding one on https://www.psychologytoday.com/ https://www.psychologytoday.com/ . Yes it's expensive and time consuming, but this is the most important step you can take to better your life. Please do this, work is a band aid you are using to distract yourself from serious issues. They will catch up eventually.

bitcoinmoney 6y ago

Please reach out to a friend or professional. You can DM me if you want.

jason0597 6y ago

Here's a quote that may interest you: --- When asked what the most surprising thing about humanity was the Dalai Lama gave the following response: "Man. Because he sacrifices his health in order to make money. Then he sacrifices money to recuperate his health. And then he is so anxious about the future that he does not enjoy the present; the result being that he does not live in the present or the future; he lives as if he is never going to die, and then dies having never really lived" - Dalai Lama (paraphrased)