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Ah yes, the classic "if you are being abused it's your own fault". Even have the "grow a spine" trope in there.
by Ensorceled 6y ago
Ah yes, the classic "if you are being abused it's your own fault". Even have the "grow a spine" trope in there.
- nhumrich 6y agoIts not so much, "it's your own fault" as it is,"You can still take control of the situation"
- MrBuddyCasino 6y agoYes, there is some Buddhist-flavoured insight in there. 1) you cannot control the world around you 2) you can only control how you react to the world around you 3) to tie your happiness to things you cannot control is to suffer Once you internalize this, you will identify attempts to circumvent this truth, and why they are ultimately self-defeating.
- Majestic121 6y agoPretty interesting that you map this mentality to Buddhism, when I knew it from Stoicism. I wonder if they ever influenced each other, or if those principles where 'discovered' independently ?
- MrBuddyCasino 6y agoTo me it certainly seems like they share some core insights. The main difference is meditation, which is really the core of Buddhism.
- chillacy 6y ago> 1) you cannot control the world around you It's definitely not either/or, sometimes you can change the world a little bit by making a post that says "please be nice". Or the way I see it: be prepared to step in shit sometimes but if street defecation is not culturally accepted, your walks will be nicer.
- drng 6y agoIt may be poorly put, but I think there's some truth to it: your most effective strategies for dealing with this kind of abuse are those that involve changes to your own behaviors. Trying to solve the problem The Right Way (i.e. at the source) is high effort and low (or no) reward. I don't think advising the pragmatic approach here suggests that abuse is the fault of the abused.
- Ensorceled 6y agoThere are three groups; the toxic, their targets, and the group saying "grow a spine" every time the targets try to make progress against the toxic.
- bzb6 6y agoYes, if someone abuses you and you don’t get rid of them then it’s your fault. Unless you have a magic wand that can change the behaviour of others.