4 ms·

People can have such different lives. The opposite of anger is not calmness, it's empathy.

by wombatmobile 6y ago

xwdv 6y ago
If you don’t have any empathy, does that mean you are angry?
- wombatmobile 6y ago
  Next time you're angry, try seeing things from another person's point of view. When you achieve that, immersively, what happens to your anger?
  - inakarmacoma 6y ago
    A fair exercise to prompt, but also fair to note the direct question was dodged. Intentional, or?
    - wombatmobile 6y ago
      Fair observation! Thanks for the question. > If you don’t have any empathy, does that mean you are angry? I'm not sure how to answer that, except to acknowledge that it isn't directly the case. It's certainly possible to have zero empathy and be perfectly free of anger. In fact, a sustained state of bliss might necessarily involve an absence of empathy... Perhaps what I was trying to say would be better said by substituting "antidote" for "opposite".
      - xwdv 6y ago
        So then empathy isn’t the opposite of anger. Personally I have little empathy but I don’t think I’m angry. But maybe I am and don’t realize it.
      - salawat 6y ago
        I have been empathically engaged and still angry with someone, in fact, sometimes the empathy can make it worse when you realize the person just will not get with the program. When you understand what they are feeling, but know that to not get passed it will result un more harm for them in the long run. It's the ugly side of empathy. It can bring people together, and it can sadly reinforce that which splits us apart when communication and trust break down.
        wombatmobile 6y ago
        > sometimes the empathy can make it worse when you realize the person just will not get with the program. That sounds more like frustration from wanting the other person to think or act a different way. Empathy would involve setting aside your own feelings and wants for a time so you could experience what the other person is feeling. To do so, you would try to take account of the factors that have lead the other person to this point. For example, if you saw a mother scold a child unfairly in the supermarket, you might consider factors such as the mother's income or lack thereof, and how difficult it might be for her to have to admit to herself that she can't provide what she thinks her child needs at that point in time. Her frustration gets displaced as anger directed towards the child, but that's not because she has ill will towards the child - its because she has no other way to dissipate the energy at that point. That's one possible example, but perhaps I'm just not getting what you are saying. Could you give an example of what you mean?
        watwut 6y ago
        > but that's not because she has ill will towards the child - its because she has no other way to dissipate the energy at that point I am not sure where you was aiming at, but this sort of logic actually makes people not to intervene in clearly abusive situations. It is also sort of logic that people use to pressure abuse victim to stay in abusive relationships. It is also what makes victims stay in abusive relationship. The fact is, parent not having ill will deep down is not what is affecting the child. The child is affected by the unfair scolding. Your example is asking for empathy for someone who made you angry (unfair mom), but does not ask empathy for child. Unfair scolding is not end of world nor is it CPS worthy verbal abuse. But the principle is the same.
  - watwut 6y ago
    > When you achieve that, immersively, what happens to your anger? I got angry more. Sometimes you are in fact taken advantage of.
  - PeterisP 6y ago
    There are many situations where seeing things from another person's point of view will make you angry even if you were calm before. Empathy with someone will likely make you less angry at them, but often will make you more (potentially much more) angry at someone else; the world is full of grievous injustices where empathy implies anger, and calmness is only possible either through ignorance (willful or not) and cynicism.
- colinmhayes 6y ago
  Most people I've met who lack empathy are generally angry. Or at least they seem to be.
deleted 6y ago
[deleted]

People can have such different lives. The opposite of anger is not calmness, it's empathy.

xwdv 6y ago

If you don’t have any empathy, does that mean you are angry?

wombatmobile 6y ago
Next time you're angry, try seeing things from another person's point of view. When you achieve that, immersively, what happens to your anger?
- inakarmacoma 6y ago
  A fair exercise to prompt, but also fair to note the direct question was dodged. Intentional, or?
  - wombatmobile 6y ago
    Fair observation! Thanks for the question. > If you don’t have any empathy, does that mean you are angry? I'm not sure how to answer that, except to acknowledge that it isn't directly the case. It's certainly possible to have zero empathy and be perfectly free of anger. In fact, a sustained state of bliss might necessarily involve an absence of empathy... Perhaps what I was trying to say would be better said by substituting "antidote" for "opposite".
    - xwdv 6y ago
      So then empathy isn’t the opposite of anger. Personally I have little empathy but I don’t think I’m angry. But maybe I am and don’t realize it.
    - salawat 6y ago
      I have been empathically engaged and still angry with someone, in fact, sometimes the empathy can make it worse when you realize the person just will not get with the program. When you understand what they are feeling, but know that to not get passed it will result un more harm for them in the long run. It's the ugly side of empathy. It can bring people together, and it can sadly reinforce that which splits us apart when communication and trust break down.
      - wombatmobile 6y ago
        > sometimes the empathy can make it worse when you realize the person just will not get with the program. That sounds more like frustration from wanting the other person to think or act a different way. Empathy would involve setting aside your own feelings and wants for a time so you could experience what the other person is feeling. To do so, you would try to take account of the factors that have lead the other person to this point. For example, if you saw a mother scold a child unfairly in the supermarket, you might consider factors such as the mother's income or lack thereof, and how difficult it might be for her to have to admit to herself that she can't provide what she thinks her child needs at that point in time. Her frustration gets displaced as anger directed towards the child, but that's not because she has ill will towards the child - its because she has no other way to dissipate the energy at that point. That's one possible example, but perhaps I'm just not getting what you are saying. Could you give an example of what you mean?
        watwut 6y ago
        > but that's not because she has ill will towards the child - its because she has no other way to dissipate the energy at that point I am not sure where you was aiming at, but this sort of logic actually makes people not to intervene in clearly abusive situations. It is also sort of logic that people use to pressure abuse victim to stay in abusive relationships. It is also what makes victims stay in abusive relationship. The fact is, parent not having ill will deep down is not what is affecting the child. The child is affected by the unfair scolding. Your example is asking for empathy for someone who made you angry (unfair mom), but does not ask empathy for child. Unfair scolding is not end of world nor is it CPS worthy verbal abuse. But the principle is the same.
- watwut 6y ago
  > When you achieve that, immersively, what happens to your anger? I got angry more. Sometimes you are in fact taken advantage of.
- PeterisP 6y ago
  There are many situations where seeing things from another person's point of view will make you angry even if you were calm before. Empathy with someone will likely make you less angry at them, but often will make you more (potentially much more) angry at someone else; the world is full of grievous injustices where empathy implies anger, and calmness is only possible either through ignorance (willful or not) and cynicism.
colinmhayes 6y ago
Most people I've met who lack empathy are generally angry. Or at least they seem to be.

deleted 6y ago

[deleted]