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There is a line between completely "outsourcing" raising your children (how I "stereotypically" imagine royal families might do) and getting help with the thing

There is a line between completely "outsourcing" raising your children (how I "stereotypically" imagine royal families might do) and getting help with the things that take all your energy but doesn't really contribute to your relationships with your children. Washing clothes, buying groceries, cooking every day are all things that must be done, but it can be done by another person (nanny, au pair, or even grand parents) without taking away (much) from your relationship with your children. Just imagine the difference between the mood of a parent who cooked, cleaned, washed that day vs the parent who is relaxed as all those things were done by outside (paid) help. Same person in two totally different mood and energy level by the dinner comes. Also keep in mind that these things have to be done every single day, so while it might be okay to work through this backlog every day for a week, I'm sure your mood would change after you've done it for 10 years (assuming multiple children). I heard once and I think it's true, that kids don't need 24 with their parents, they need the 2-3 hours (changing as the kids age) with them every day, but after that they get bored of daddy or mommy and want to do something with their friends or alone. If you can afford outside help, it can actually make the time you spend with your children more delightful, you may bond more, and in the end have a better relationship with them also in the long term. It can obviously go wrong, if you look at your children when they are 14 and you have no idea who they are because they went to the nannies directly, but it doesn't mean it can be done right.

kaitai 6y ago
As a non-royal yet non-poor person, I have to disagree, in that I find teaching my kids how to live a life an important part of both parenting and living these days. By that, I mean that the actions of learning how to clean up after oneself, cook, do laundry are things that I do with the kid, and kid takes a certain measure of delight at learning how to do "real" stuff. Sure, we read books and do puzzles and that sort of thing, but there is an appeal to the child at being able to help, being included, and being able to effect change in the world. I find people who outsource all their menial labor to too often become insufferable and divorced from reality. Organizations suffer, too, from the immaturity of being run by people who can start things but don't have to maintain or finish them; who can just say "get this done" and not have to think about the ramifications. Creativity is actually at its best slightly constrained -- and children do best when they learn to do useful things with their parents, rather than being simple pets for entertainment. Obviously there are many different cultural approaches to raising children and one of my biases is that I come from a culture that wants kids to both have plenty of outdoor playtime and also contribute materially to the wellbeing of the family (clean up after themselves to some extent, help with home upkeep, etc).
Max_aaa 6y ago
The food is kinda resolved for no-so rich families with services like Hello Fresh, and so on. As you are just left with the Cooking bit, which is actually a bonding experience, as the little ones help with the meal. And with cleaning, yes, that one is a chore.
- travbrack 6y ago
  So everything except the grocery shopping... Except that you still need to go for breakfast, lunch, and the 2-4 dinners per week not provided by the meal kit. What I like to do is grab recipes off meal kit websites and buy the ingredients myself.

kaitai 6y ago

As a non-royal yet non-poor person, I have to disagree, in that I find teaching my kids how to live a life an important part of both parenting and living these days. By that, I mean that the actions of learning how to clean up after oneself, cook, do laundry are things that I do with the kid, and kid takes a certain measure of delight at learning how to do "real" stuff. Sure, we read books and do puzzles and that sort of thing, but there is an appeal to the child at being able to help, being included, and being able to effect change in the world. I find people who outsource all their menial labor to too often become insufferable and divorced from reality. Organizations suffer, too, from the immaturity of being run by people who can start things but don't have to maintain or finish them; who can just say "get this done" and not have to think about the ramifications. Creativity is actually at its best slightly constrained -- and children do best when they learn to do useful things with their parents, rather than being simple pets for entertainment. Obviously there are many different cultural approaches to raising children and one of my biases is that I come from a culture that wants kids to both have plenty of outdoor playtime and also contribute materially to the wellbeing of the family (clean up after themselves to some extent, help with home upkeep, etc).

Max_aaa 6y ago

The food is kinda resolved for no-so rich families with services like Hello Fresh, and so on. As you are just left with the Cooking bit, which is actually a bonding experience, as the little ones help with the meal. And with cleaning, yes, that one is a chore.

travbrack 6y ago
So everything except the grocery shopping... Except that you still need to go for breakfast, lunch, and the 2-4 dinners per week not provided by the meal kit. What I like to do is grab recipes off meal kit websites and buy the ingredients myself.