3 ms·

Three things come to mind. The first is that at age 40 I finally started taking my health seriously. Long story short, I got bit by the “lift as much heavy wei

Three things come to mind. The first is that at age 40 I finally started taking my health seriously. Long story short, I got bit by the “lift as much heavy weight as I can”. I’d love to one day lift respectable heavy weights. But at 44 with 2 shoulder surgeries in my rear view, I have to come to terms with I probably won’t ever hit a few of my goals. I still believe that I’m stronger than most 44 year olds around me though :) The second is work. I believe I’m average to above average developer. I’m good at keeping the big picture in my head. But because of depression (under control but still affects me) I am the worst procrastinator. I play schedule chicken with myself all the time. I’ve tried GTD, Pommadoro (sp?), and countless other “get shit done” techniques. Nothing works. I fear at some point I’ll play chicken and lose. At this point in my life, I’ve kind of come to terms with it. I can usually say “OK. Slack off today. But tomorrow you have to commit to at least 4 hours of work”. And that usually works. But the last couple of months - not so much. Hoping it’s not becoming permanent. The third is I was pretty isolated before COVID. I’m even more isolated now, and I like it. I’m afraid that I’m going full hermit (not in the strict sense of the word since I do work). And it scares me that I’m not MORE afraid of isolating myself even further from human beings.

jkcorrea 6y ago
Congrats on the lifting wins, I could never put up much but the respect the self-discipline and routine required to make gains. If it's about a PR goal, consider how ridiculously arbitrary it is to set an attachment to being able to pick up and subsequently put down a heavy object. Progress never perfection, or something like that :) Agreed on the time management techniques, they all feel to me like programs developed by highly organized people who were going to be organized and on top of their schedule regardless..
eyelidlessness 6y ago
Obviously I’m not qualified for diagnostics (I am not a doctor of any kind) but I can’t help but raise a hand when it feels familiar. The symptoms you describe are definitely characteristic of depression, but they’re familiar to me in adult diagnosed ADHD, which also presents as depression. (And as anxiety, which also triggers procrastination.) If lifting is motivating, it’s conceivable that what gets you going (or doesn’t in its absence) is dopamine. I’ve felt similarly with isolation too, both the comfort and the fear of going too deep. When I feel like isolating, I feel like I’m fully in control of what I find fulfilling or rewarding. But then I miss that from my people eventually. Not trying to say that my thing is yours. But offering my experience in case it might resonate.

jkcorrea 6y ago

Congrats on the lifting wins, I could never put up much but the respect the self-discipline and routine required to make gains. If it's about a PR goal, consider how ridiculously arbitrary it is to set an attachment to being able to pick up and subsequently put down a heavy object. Progress never perfection, or something like that :) Agreed on the time management techniques, they all feel to me like programs developed by highly organized people who were going to be organized and on top of their schedule regardless..

eyelidlessness 6y ago

Obviously I’m not qualified for diagnostics (I am not a doctor of any kind) but I can’t help but raise a hand when it feels familiar. The symptoms you describe are definitely characteristic of depression, but they’re familiar to me in adult diagnosed ADHD, which also presents as depression. (And as anxiety, which also triggers procrastination.) If lifting is motivating, it’s conceivable that what gets you going (or doesn’t in its absence) is dopamine. I’ve felt similarly with isolation too, both the comfort and the fear of going too deep. When I feel like isolating, I feel like I’m fully in control of what I find fulfilling or rewarding. But then I miss that from my people eventually. Not trying to say that my thing is yours. But offering my experience in case it might resonate.