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> All of a sudden it's not cool to shame people. WTF is that about? I think it's because there are a lot of them proportionally, as responses to the pandemic h

> All of a sudden it's not cool to shame people. WTF is that about? I think it's because there are a lot of them proportionally, as responses to the pandemic have been rather divided even within close social groups. Try shaming party-goers in your friendship circle on, say, social media, and you might find the blowback hard going as "they" in sufficient numbers shame you back for being too cautious or controlling, and you become the pariah. Even if you're confident you're right, you can feel the loss of social capital. And who wants to be known as the sourpuss who tries to ruin other people's happy times? Maybe feeling like losing social capital is even an illusion, amplified by the way social media distorts social group feelings. It only takes a few people to point the shame back at you to induce a feeling that the larger group sees you that way, whether they do or not, because your other social connections tend not to speak up in your defence.

ryandrake 6y ago
I don't know. I still stick with the drunk driving analogy. Going to a basement rave with 100 others during a deadly pandemic is as unambiguously wrong as drunk driving. If a bunch of friends are going to shame me back for "being a pussy and not drunk driving with them" then they're not my friends. I guess if I were back in my 20s I'd care more about being the pariah and try to find some way of being polite and keeping the relationships. But I'm blessed to be a 45+ old geezer now who has largely stopped worrying about what others think of me. If one of my gambling buddies tried to convince me to head to a casino with him right now, I'd have no problem saying, "Dude, we've been pals for a while but WTF are you talking about? Use your head, buddy." and I don't think either of us would take it the wrong way.
- rubicon33 6y ago
  While I totally agreewith you.. unfortunately I don't think this is as clear cut as drunk driving. Drunk driving is universally agreed to be a terrible thing to do... Most people even if they have done it, would acknowledge that it was a bad, wreck-less, often youth driven decision. With COVID the spectrum of agreement on how dangerous it is, is so much more vague. Clearly some people do not believe they're doing anything wrong by attending a maskless party. They may recognize that others think its wrong, but themselves truly believe that we are wrong and this is all dumb. That's what's so fucked up about this situation. I really don't feel like I could guilt my friends even if I wanted to. Despite really believing they are making the "wrong" decision, I also recognize that they don't share that opinion, and that they are part of a fairly large group that shares their viewpoint. It's not as cut and dry as I wish it was and that's what's so stressful about it.
  - divbzero 6y ago
    > With COVID the spectrum of agreement on how dangerous it is, is so much more vague. Yes, I think this is exactly why we struggle with tamping down on COVID spread. While many commenting in this thread understand how the drunk driving analogy holds (probabilistic, dangerous to others besides yourself) COVID is new enough and communication hasn’t been strong enough for the message to percolate through society.

ryandrake 6y ago

I don't know. I still stick with the drunk driving analogy. Going to a basement rave with 100 others during a deadly pandemic is as unambiguously wrong as drunk driving. If a bunch of friends are going to shame me back for "being a pussy and not drunk driving with them" then they're not my friends. I guess if I were back in my 20s I'd care more about being the pariah and try to find some way of being polite and keeping the relationships. But I'm blessed to be a 45+ old geezer now who has largely stopped worrying about what others think of me. If one of my gambling buddies tried to convince me to head to a casino with him right now, I'd have no problem saying, "Dude, we've been pals for a while but WTF are you talking about? Use your head, buddy." and I don't think either of us would take it the wrong way.

rubicon33 6y ago
While I totally agreewith you.. unfortunately I don't think this is as clear cut as drunk driving. Drunk driving is universally agreed to be a terrible thing to do... Most people even if they have done it, would acknowledge that it was a bad, wreck-less, often youth driven decision. With COVID the spectrum of agreement on how dangerous it is, is so much more vague. Clearly some people do not believe they're doing anything wrong by attending a maskless party. They may recognize that others think its wrong, but themselves truly believe that we are wrong and this is all dumb. That's what's so fucked up about this situation. I really don't feel like I could guilt my friends even if I wanted to. Despite really believing they are making the "wrong" decision, I also recognize that they don't share that opinion, and that they are part of a fairly large group that shares their viewpoint. It's not as cut and dry as I wish it was and that's what's so stressful about it.
- divbzero 6y ago
  > With COVID the spectrum of agreement on how dangerous it is, is so much more vague. Yes, I think this is exactly why we struggle with tamping down on COVID spread. While many commenting in this thread understand how the drunk driving analogy holds (probabilistic, dangerous to others besides yourself) COVID is new enough and communication hasn’t been strong enough for the message to percolate through society.