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I really like the book The Four Agreements. My favorite agreement by far is don't take anything personally. For example a really good friend of mine, was havi

I really like the book The Four Agreements. My favorite agreement by far is don't take anything personally. For example a really good friend of mine, was having a bunch of trouble in her home life but she couldn't exactly afford to move out. So if you're working with her and she's rude to you, it has nothing to do with anything you did. 99% of how someone reacts to you is based upon what they're going through. And plus getting upset over someone else doesn't improve anything. I also have some Buddhist leanings, which are so important to me I told a girl it wasn't going to work when she said that Buddhism was satanic. Finally learn to appreciate and love yourself, this is by far the hardest lesson I continue to learn. It's very easy to look at maybe a job you didn't get or a relationship that didn't work and think that you're some type of broken thing. But you realize no one really has it figured out we're all just trying to get through the day, you can make peace with who you are

adkadskhj 6y ago
> For example a really good friend of mine, was having a bunch of trouble in her home life but she couldn't exactly afford to move out. So if you're working with her and she's rude to you, it has nothing to do with anything you did. 99% of how someone reacts to you is based upon what they're going through. And plus getting upset over someone else doesn't improve anything. Not to over criticize your friend, but as an example: this pattern of behavior is what separates mindful, good people from jerks - imo. Everyone gets less controlled as they get stressed, but controlling how you express that is hugely important. I've found that not only is it a thing in myself i need to be very vigilant about, but cutting out the people in my life who immediately lash out rather than behave constructively did a lot for me. It's a good indicator to the person behind the facade that we all wear. And again, nothing intended to your friend. Just an example. I also think we can still have "those friends" around if we think they have promise, or perhaps offer other benefits that outweigh the toxic affect their behavior can have. It's just super mindful to be aware of toxic indicators, in ourselves and those around.
- offtop5 6y ago
  Everyone's going to have a rough day from time to time, and then when you interact with them they might be a bit rude. It's much easier to just shug it off, versus over analyzing how you did something to piss them off.
  - adkadskhj 6y ago
    Well to be clear, i didn't say anything about hyper analyzing yourself. Rather i was saying that for the people in our life whose first action in the safe of frustration is to lash out we should take note of that. And not let their toxicity drag you down. Putting up with toxic people because it's not your fault is not healthy, imo. One bad day does not a toxic person make. edit: Another way to word it is simply: don't underestimate the affect toxic people can have on your life. And fight to not be one (a toxic person) yourself.
    - offtop5 6y ago
      You're not 100% wrong, let's just say there's a reason she's always remained just a friend.
      - adkadskhj 6y ago
        I don't feel i'm saying anything controversial haha, so i'd be curious what percent i'm wrong regardless.
        offtop5 6y ago
        Well, I'll be someone's friend if they're going through a really rough patch. I'll provide emotional support from a distance. But I've been down this road before, and trying to date someone who's not in a stable living situation is never going to end well.
        adkadskhj 6y ago
        Yea and i think your statement is meaningfully different than what i described - which is to say you're a friend during a _rough patch_, it has an end. However we've all seen people who have "rough patches" repeatedly. It's a never ending rough patch. They're the people who think everyone else is a jerk, but not realizing that maybe _they_ are. Regardless, i think we're in agreement, i just could have worded everything better haha. Carry on friend :)
- Jtsummers 6y ago
  > Not to over criticize your friend, but as an example: this pattern of behavior is what separates mindful, good people from jerks - imo. Everyone gets less controlled as they get stressed, but controlling how you express that is hugely important. People are capable of maturing, and being a more cool and stable presence can help. I used to tutor in high school and college, and I experienced a lot of people expressing their frustration with the material through some degree of anger (sometimes directed at me). Over the course of the term (and often this only took a couple weeks), by being a calmer presence and letting them air their frustrations, nearly all of them stopped reacting this way. Stepping away from them was not necessary, and would have delayed this maturation process. Instead, I let their actions reflect back on them by my cooler reaction. Usually they were embarrassed and somewhat ashamed, I'd say it was cool, I understood, but do better. And over time they would. If they don't mature, then it's time to step away.

adkadskhj 6y ago

> For example a really good friend of mine, was having a bunch of trouble in her home life but she couldn't exactly afford to move out. So if you're working with her and she's rude to you, it has nothing to do with anything you did. 99% of how someone reacts to you is based upon what they're going through. And plus getting upset over someone else doesn't improve anything. Not to over criticize your friend, but as an example: this pattern of behavior is what separates mindful, good people from jerks - imo. Everyone gets less controlled as they get stressed, but controlling how you express that is hugely important. I've found that not only is it a thing in myself i need to be very vigilant about, but cutting out the people in my life who immediately lash out rather than behave constructively did a lot for me. It's a good indicator to the person behind the facade that we all wear. And again, nothing intended to your friend. Just an example. I also think we can still have "those friends" around if we think they have promise, or perhaps offer other benefits that outweigh the toxic affect their behavior can have. It's just super mindful to be aware of toxic indicators, in ourselves and those around.

offtop5 6y ago
Everyone's going to have a rough day from time to time, and then when you interact with them they might be a bit rude. It's much easier to just shug it off, versus over analyzing how you did something to piss them off.
- adkadskhj 6y ago
  Well to be clear, i didn't say anything about hyper analyzing yourself. Rather i was saying that for the people in our life whose first action in the safe of frustration is to lash out we should take note of that. And not let their toxicity drag you down. Putting up with toxic people because it's not your fault is not healthy, imo. One bad day does not a toxic person make. edit: Another way to word it is simply: don't underestimate the affect toxic people can have on your life. And fight to not be one (a toxic person) yourself.
  - offtop5 6y ago
    You're not 100% wrong, let's just say there's a reason she's always remained just a friend.
    - adkadskhj 6y ago
      I don't feel i'm saying anything controversial haha, so i'd be curious what percent i'm wrong regardless.
      - offtop5 6y ago
        Well, I'll be someone's friend if they're going through a really rough patch. I'll provide emotional support from a distance. But I've been down this road before, and trying to date someone who's not in a stable living situation is never going to end well.
        adkadskhj 6y ago
        Yea and i think your statement is meaningfully different than what i described - which is to say you're a friend during a _rough patch_, it has an end. However we've all seen people who have "rough patches" repeatedly. It's a never ending rough patch. They're the people who think everyone else is a jerk, but not realizing that maybe _they_ are. Regardless, i think we're in agreement, i just could have worded everything better haha. Carry on friend :)
Jtsummers 6y ago
> Not to over criticize your friend, but as an example: this pattern of behavior is what separates mindful, good people from jerks - imo. Everyone gets less controlled as they get stressed, but controlling how you express that is hugely important. People are capable of maturing, and being a more cool and stable presence can help. I used to tutor in high school and college, and I experienced a lot of people expressing their frustration with the material through some degree of anger (sometimes directed at me). Over the course of the term (and often this only took a couple weeks), by being a calmer presence and letting them air their frustrations, nearly all of them stopped reacting this way. Stepping away from them was not necessary, and would have delayed this maturation process. Instead, I let their actions reflect back on them by my cooler reaction. Usually they were embarrassed and somewhat ashamed, I'd say it was cool, I understood, but do better. And over time they would. If they don't mature, then it's time to step away.