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While it is true that many people are preoccupied with shame, it seems to me that shaming is primarily an external, relations-based action (attack on shamee's s

While it is true that many people are preoccupied with shame, it seems to me that shaming is primarily an external, relations-based action (attack on shamee's social standing) more than internal, the psychological effect (inducing shame emotion in shamee) is secondary. That is different to say guilt-tripping, where psychological effect is the primary action. And social standing is something that is useful to some degree even to people not preoccupied with that. Like money is useful even to people not preoccupied with wealth. Fortunately, in modern society with formalized relations other measures of social standing (like wealth) can substitute the one that is attacked by shaming.

papito 6y ago
"Shame" is the feeling of "but what will other people think about me? Am I being judged", not the fear of someone shaming you verbally. That actually rarely happens, as that risks real physical escalation. Online, verbally shaming people happens a lot more often as it's safer for the shamer, but you need to have essentially the same amount of shamelessness as in the "real world" to not care. In fact, shaming online can be more powerful because those people KNOW who you are. Do you think Jeffrey Toobin would feel more shame if he was caught rubbing one out with his windows open as just some guy in his apartment and his neighbors seeing him, or on Zoom with his colleagues?