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If someone is going to judge you publicly you can declaw their attack by highlighting your own flaw. As a kid the small ones get picked on. You can just own yo

If someone is going to judge you publicly you can declaw their attack by highlighting your own flaw. As a kid the small ones get picked on. You can just own your stature. During these covid times people try to shame you to not to travel. Instead of making explanations of why it’s “okay” or “safe” I just say I like to travel. They can’t argue against that and it is empowering. I also think it helps keep friendship alive, because you don’t argue the facts; you state your preferences.

strontium_90 6y ago
I’m not sure I’d agree with your idea of expressing your preference as something that can’t be argued against. Your preference to travel could be understood as imposing a negative externality on those you contact while travelling (in the event you were infectious at the time). If so, I think an argument of why you are taking precautions to make your travel safer (for others) might be more persuasive or thoughtful than a mere statement of your preferences. If your preference approach is applied to other negative externality actions (like smoking in restaurants, driving much faster than others) the argument seems weaker .... your “I just like to do it [impose costs/risks on others]” rationale has the risk of appearing selfish rather than empowering.
- throwaway98797 6y ago
  Agree that tends to appear / is selfish. My personal experience supports this as well. However, the moment you start to engage in mitigating behavior you are taking on the other persons frame. You give up your own agency. This forces you into a defensive position and most people aren’t going to change their minds. They are still going to judge you selfish regardless of how you mitigate the situation. So why waste the energy? It’s easier to take the small “I’m selfish” hit up front than to stretch it out. That’s my point that if you are going to do something that others think or in fact does impose negative externalities it is better to accept the straight judgment rather than to argue. Better in this sense to increase the likelihood of keeping your friends. People tend to remember how they feel and the more they argue and you still do what you want the angrier they get. Because now you’ve hurt them twice once by being a bad person (which is kinda forgivable) and two by not listening to them (not forgivable).
thinkingemote 6y ago
Is it shame or guilt that's behind people giving reasons for you not to travel?

strontium_90 6y ago

I’m not sure I’d agree with your idea of expressing your preference as something that can’t be argued against. Your preference to travel could be understood as imposing a negative externality on those you contact while travelling (in the event you were infectious at the time). If so, I think an argument of why you are taking precautions to make your travel safer (for others) might be more persuasive or thoughtful than a mere statement of your preferences. If your preference approach is applied to other negative externality actions (like smoking in restaurants, driving much faster than others) the argument seems weaker .... your “I just like to do it [impose costs/risks on others]” rationale has the risk of appearing selfish rather than empowering.

throwaway98797 6y ago
Agree that tends to appear / is selfish. My personal experience supports this as well. However, the moment you start to engage in mitigating behavior you are taking on the other persons frame. You give up your own agency. This forces you into a defensive position and most people aren’t going to change their minds. They are still going to judge you selfish regardless of how you mitigate the situation. So why waste the energy? It’s easier to take the small “I’m selfish” hit up front than to stretch it out. That’s my point that if you are going to do something that others think or in fact does impose negative externalities it is better to accept the straight judgment rather than to argue. Better in this sense to increase the likelihood of keeping your friends. People tend to remember how they feel and the more they argue and you still do what you want the angrier they get. Because now you’ve hurt them twice once by being a bad person (which is kinda forgivable) and two by not listening to them (not forgivable).

thinkingemote 6y ago

Is it shame or guilt that's behind people giving reasons for you not to travel?