That sounds understandably very painful. I have some sympathy for what you're going through. My own advisor was an asshole. He referred me to an internship, and

That sounds understandably very painful. I have some sympathy for what you're going through. My own advisor was an asshole. He referred me to an internship, and then after I interviewed and they were ready to hire me, he changed his mind and threatened to kick me out if I took said internship. You will find a job eventually. It's probably just difficult to get your foot in the door because everyone is looking for industry experience. That first job is the hardest, but the next one after that will be much easier to find, believe me. My advice would be to persist. If you're having dark thoughts, you may want to consider antidepressants. They helped me when I was down. I can vouch for escitalopram/lexapro. I would at the very least suggest avoiding that hillside if it's a trigger for suicidal ideation. Pick a safer route for the time being. Keep applying. Maybe settle for a less amazing job for the time being, just to pay the bills. Once you have a job, it will be much easier to get another job. You'll be in a better position to negotiate. You can settle for an OK job, and keep looking for your ideal job while not having to worry about making rent. If you want someone to talk to, I can be that person. I wish you the best, and as cliche as it sounds, hang in there!