The Keyboard I Want

For a peripheral that has been manufactured several billion times, and is used by a billion per day, keyboards are pretty feature-lacking. That all-in-one raspberry pi keyboard? That thing should just be the beginning. A keyboard has lots of space for ports. A huge number of ports. HDMIs, USBs, USB-C, headphones, sd cards, firewires, thunderbolts, displayports, network. A wide variety of ports. Why do I have to buy a separate USB hub? Wired vs wireless doesn't have to be a choice. Why doesn't my keyboard have a rechargable battery inside of it? Why doesn't that battery recharge while I am in "wired" mode for maximum reliability, but enable bluetooth when I am not wired? Wait, why am I carrying an external battery pack for topping off my phone? Scratch the small battery. Bigger please. If my keyboard is serving duty as a hub, why isn't it a KVM that can be switched to any of 3-4 different computers? Even if video is expensive/hard, why can't the other ports be provided switchably between computers? Why can't it at least do KM and wake up computers wirelessly via the USB plugs? Why don't virtually all of them have smartphone and tablet parking places, maybe even enable those devices to sync or even be another display? And since we have all those ports, sure, let's integrate a raspberry pi for a minimal computer. We probably still have space. Microphone? sure. Webcam? Ok. Flash storage so we don't waste a port on a drive? Sure. TOTP fob? YES! a cheap LCD away, although probably not the best physical security. Modular sections for arrow/home keys and the numpad? OK! Trackpoint! It's out of patent, right? Trackpoint me like the lenovo keyboard. Or trackball. Or both. Trackpad! gimme all three. You know we can probably fit a network switch in? Ok that might be overkill. Can I get an lcd ribbon? Why doesn't the wrist rest give me wrist massages? Why doesn't it function as a universal remote? Sim slot and wireless modem? Probably comes on the SOC.