8 ms·

I emphasize "work it out" so often with our kids. Funny story. my 4yo was playing with the neighborkids around the same age. the neighbor girl came to me to ta

I emphasize "work it out" so often with our kids. Funny story. my 4yo was playing with the neighborkids around the same age. the neighbor girl came to me to tattle, saying they weren't sharing. I told her you need to work it out with them, use your words and manners. Clearly not the result she was looking for, she turned and yelled "He said you have to share!" I clarified with the other kids "that's not what I said! Work it out!"

Waterluvian 6y ago
Maybe that's her approach to working it out!
Dumblydorr 6y ago
Haha! That's a good one. She heard what she wanted to hear, or she was testing out lying. Kids all test out lying around the pre-school age, some of them find it useful and keep doing it.
- abfan1127 6y ago
  I'd lean towards the lying part. Her strategy of leveraging higher powers didn't pan out, so she went with plan B of illusion of leveraging higher powers.
  - giantg2 6y ago
    On the fast track to middle management or politics.
  - scotty79 6y ago
    She just went with the advice and used her (untrue) words and (authoritative) manners to get what she wants. But was immediately betrayed and shot down by her advisor.
    - giantg2 6y ago
      ... and consequently took notes for when she is leading others in a company so that she can use the pawns under her similarly.
  - colinmhayes 6y ago
    She did what you told her to do.
ryanjshaw 6y ago
Approaching an adult for guidance isn't "tattling". Maybe I'm biased, but I grew to resent that word because I grew up in an environment where it was used more often than not by parents and teachers to excuse themselves from dealing with children in their care who were bullying others.
- abfan1127 6y ago
  approaching an adult for guidance isn't tattling. Approaching an adult to use leverage to get what you want is tattling, especially when its over "sharing a toy that isn't hers". Learning to become dependent on external intervention for all conflict is not a life skill I want to teach my kids.
  - rgblambda 6y ago
    >> Learning to become dependent on external intervention for all conflict is not a life skill I want to teach my kids. If someone breaks into my house and tries to beat me to death, I'm not going to try to reason it out with them, I'm calling the police.
    - giantg2 6y ago
      Hopefully that's not all you do. That'd be a long beating with average police response being around 5 minutes.
      - rgblambda 6y ago
        How would you approach the situation?
        giantg2 6y ago
        It depends on the specifics. Based on the original comment, if they've already broken into the house, they will be able to break into any room you are hiding in. If they are truly there to beat you to death, you have to be ready to defend yourself with whatever force is necessary to stop that threat. What that level of force is will vary greatly depending on situation, locale, persons involved, etc.
scotty79 6y ago
So when she used words as you advised, you immediately destroyed her strat because she used them in a way different than what you had in mind. :-)
closeparen 6y ago
"Work it out" is a strategy for equals. With major age/size/strength differences it just becomes domination and submission. Parents refusing to provide the "monopoly on violence" just results in kids who are worse at fighting learning to do whatever the bully says, and probably still getting beaten for the fun of it. I mean I do agree that kids need to learn to navigate conflict, but adults should ideally be monitoring and should definitely get involved when power differentials get out of hand.
- abfan1127 6y ago
  > Parents refusing to provide the "monopoly on violence" just results in kids who are worse at fighting learning to do whatever the bully says, and probably still getting beaten for the fun of it. there's refusing to engage when its friends squabbling over toys. Its another whole level when battery comes in... Pretty big difference.
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- confidantlake 6y ago
  Yup clearly the people saying this have never been the younger kid around an asshole older one.

Waterluvian 6y ago

Maybe that's her approach to working it out!

Dumblydorr 6y ago

Haha! That's a good one. She heard what she wanted to hear, or she was testing out lying. Kids all test out lying around the pre-school age, some of them find it useful and keep doing it.

abfan1127 6y ago
I'd lean towards the lying part. Her strategy of leveraging higher powers didn't pan out, so she went with plan B of illusion of leveraging higher powers.
- giantg2 6y ago
  On the fast track to middle management or politics.
- scotty79 6y ago
  She just went with the advice and used her (untrue) words and (authoritative) manners to get what she wants. But was immediately betrayed and shot down by her advisor.
  - giantg2 6y ago
    ... and consequently took notes for when she is leading others in a company so that she can use the pawns under her similarly.
- colinmhayes 6y ago
  She did what you told her to do.

ryanjshaw 6y ago

Approaching an adult for guidance isn't "tattling". Maybe I'm biased, but I grew to resent that word because I grew up in an environment where it was used more often than not by parents and teachers to excuse themselves from dealing with children in their care who were bullying others.

abfan1127 6y ago
approaching an adult for guidance isn't tattling. Approaching an adult to use leverage to get what you want is tattling, especially when its over "sharing a toy that isn't hers". Learning to become dependent on external intervention for all conflict is not a life skill I want to teach my kids.
- rgblambda 6y ago
  >> Learning to become dependent on external intervention for all conflict is not a life skill I want to teach my kids. If someone breaks into my house and tries to beat me to death, I'm not going to try to reason it out with them, I'm calling the police.
  - giantg2 6y ago
    Hopefully that's not all you do. That'd be a long beating with average police response being around 5 minutes.
    - rgblambda 6y ago
      How would you approach the situation?
      - giantg2 6y ago
        It depends on the specifics. Based on the original comment, if they've already broken into the house, they will be able to break into any room you are hiding in. If they are truly there to beat you to death, you have to be ready to defend yourself with whatever force is necessary to stop that threat. What that level of force is will vary greatly depending on situation, locale, persons involved, etc.

scotty79 6y ago

So when she used words as you advised, you immediately destroyed her strat because she used them in a way different than what you had in mind. :-)

closeparen 6y ago

"Work it out" is a strategy for equals. With major age/size/strength differences it just becomes domination and submission. Parents refusing to provide the "monopoly on violence" just results in kids who are worse at fighting learning to do whatever the bully says, and probably still getting beaten for the fun of it. I mean I do agree that kids need to learn to navigate conflict, but adults should ideally be monitoring and should definitely get involved when power differentials get out of hand.

abfan1127 6y ago
> Parents refusing to provide the "monopoly on violence" just results in kids who are worse at fighting learning to do whatever the bully says, and probably still getting beaten for the fun of it. there's refusing to engage when its friends squabbling over toys. Its another whole level when battery comes in... Pretty big difference.
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confidantlake 6y ago
Yup clearly the people saying this have never been the younger kid around an asshole older one.