I think one reason for this is we don't have the skills to manage the relationships positively since we grew up in such a hostile environment so when you get st

I think one reason for this is we don't have the skills to manage the relationships positively since we grew up in such a hostile environment so when you get stressed it can be easy to repeat the patterns because we know they worked in the past. Those maladaptive strategies were in fact successful! So trying a new strategy is considered risky. This is something therapists can help you with. You learn new ways to communicate and manage these situations AND you get to practice them in a safe place before you need to use them.