4 ms·

I have a similar life, though without the part of a broken home at childhood (parents fought but not out of ordinary I think). It's really hard not being able t

by brabel 6y ago

I have a similar life, though without the part of a broken home at childhood (parents fought but not out of ordinary I think). It's really hard not being able to visit family often, at most once a year (if you're lucky and if there's no pandemics stopping you!). The hardest part for me is that my wife doesn't like my family, so she refuses to visit them... as half the family lives in one country and half in another, and we're in yet another country, it's almost impossible for us to unite the whole family. My parents never met hers... and I only met my brother's youngest child when she was already 5. Last time I went to visit my parents I went alone... and again last time I went to visit my brother (who lives on the other side of the planet from my parents - I live almost in the middle). Sometimes I wish I hadn't started the wave of moving to some other country (which my sister, then my brother followed years later)... as they moved to the country I'd been in, I had already moved again to another country because of my wife. Now I am finally planning to have kids (quite late but still time) I wonder how we're going to manage without any family nearby... and how my parents will feel when we never come to visit... that's if I convince the wife to get a kid, we're running out of time quickly and she doesn't seem at all bothered by it. I'm in a position I must make a decision: perhaps go back to my country and get a new wife there (even though I would hate to go through a divorce) close to at least some of my family... or just let the time pass by and wait for the inevitable, letting old age arrive and die without a family on a strange country. How can I know what to do?! Leaving this great country where I am will probably be the biggest mistake I will ever make (I have a good job, great house and extreme social security here - none of which I would have in my own country), but staying here will likely lead to a meaningless, though comfortable life. What would you do?

lioeters 6y ago
Wow, what a question. This is exactly the kind of situation that can branch out to completely different lives. There's an interesting contrast: the risk-taking choice into the unknown, or the comfortable but boring choice to stay. If you choose to take the easy path, when you're old you might look back and ask, "Did I make the right choice? What kind of different life would I have had?" Or, if things go well, you might be a satisfied person. If you choose to go into the unknown, there is a chance that things will not work out better. Maybe you'll have a more difficult life of struggle. Then you might wish that you had stayed in the comfortable but boring life you had. > good job, great house and extreme social security here - none of which I would have in my own country That's what you'd be risking for an unknown future.. I imagine people would recommend that you take the risk, take a chance to create a completely different life that's more interesting. But, I also imagine that those same people would choose for themselves the comfortable path. From your story, I think you'll regret it later in life if you don't take the chance.
christiansakai 6y ago
I think if I were you I'd try to think about the future. I am lucky that my wife's family really welcome me even though my family background, not only that we are foreigners, but also not quite a good background to have. Due to my family's side financial situation, both families from Indonesia and Japan never met each other physically, only through skype, maybe one or two times and we are in our 3rd year of the marriage. Pretty much I went to get married on my own, in Japan, without any side of my family coming. We just spent a nice dinner. Maybe your wife isn't ready yet to see your family. My wife, being raised in a clean 1st world country, still is not used to the living condition when we visit Indonesia. It is understandable, so most likely we will retire in Japan instead of Indonesia one day. As immigrants we already accepted our way of life. We will grow older, and our kids too, without being able to grow together with their contemporaries within the family circle. I understand what you say about staying here you might end up having a meaningless life. Trust me, I thought about it a lot too. Hence that's why I set some things straight with my wife. Who knows what will happen in the future, but I said we gonna work here for a while, maybe until kids go to college, and we gonna go back to Japan. We decide that we aren't taking any long and expensive mortgage, but if possible, only 10 year mortgage. 10 years is a short time. Once we finish that mortgage, we can do whatever we want, and see where to go next. Again, it is too far to think of the future, but my current plan gives me and my wife hope and goal to aim to. We'll enjoy the journey while we are here.

by brabel 6y ago

lioeters 6y ago

Wow, what a question. This is exactly the kind of situation that can branch out to completely different lives. There's an interesting contrast: the risk-taking choice into the unknown, or the comfortable but boring choice to stay. If you choose to take the easy path, when you're old you might look back and ask, "Did I make the right choice? What kind of different life would I have had?" Or, if things go well, you might be a satisfied person. If you choose to go into the unknown, there is a chance that things will not work out better. Maybe you'll have a more difficult life of struggle. Then you might wish that you had stayed in the comfortable but boring life you had. > good job, great house and extreme social security here - none of which I would have in my own country That's what you'd be risking for an unknown future.. I imagine people would recommend that you take the risk, take a chance to create a completely different life that's more interesting. But, I also imagine that those same people would choose for themselves the comfortable path. From your story, I think you'll regret it later in life if you don't take the chance.

christiansakai 6y ago

I think if I were you I'd try to think about the future. I am lucky that my wife's family really welcome me even though my family background, not only that we are foreigners, but also not quite a good background to have. Due to my family's side financial situation, both families from Indonesia and Japan never met each other physically, only through skype, maybe one or two times and we are in our 3rd year of the marriage. Pretty much I went to get married on my own, in Japan, without any side of my family coming. We just spent a nice dinner. Maybe your wife isn't ready yet to see your family. My wife, being raised in a clean 1st world country, still is not used to the living condition when we visit Indonesia. It is understandable, so most likely we will retire in Japan instead of Indonesia one day. As immigrants we already accepted our way of life. We will grow older, and our kids too, without being able to grow together with their contemporaries within the family circle. I understand what you say about staying here you might end up having a meaningless life. Trust me, I thought about it a lot too. Hence that's why I set some things straight with my wife. Who knows what will happen in the future, but I said we gonna work here for a while, maybe until kids go to college, and we gonna go back to Japan. We decide that we aren't taking any long and expensive mortgage, but if possible, only 10 year mortgage. 10 years is a short time. Once we finish that mortgage, we can do whatever we want, and see where to go next. Again, it is too far to think of the future, but my current plan gives me and my wife hope and goal to aim to. We'll enjoy the journey while we are here.