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As someone who feels like I've wasted most of my 20s since graduating university (turning 29 in 2021) with a job(s) I don't see any future in, man this hits har

As someone who feels like I've wasted most of my 20s since graduating university (turning 29 in 2021) with a job(s) I don't see any future in, man this hits hard. My lack of risk taking, and an unfortunately timed death in the family in 2016, really are me sitting there watching these figs dry up. Damn.

costcopizza 6y ago
I feel the exact same way, and am the exact same age. But we’re 29, not 49 or even 39. There’re still figs on the tree.
- abnercoimbre 6y ago
  29 and ditto. You know the phrase "30's is the new 20's." There's some truth to it, right?
  - warent 6y ago
    I've never really understood what this means. Did people in their 20s have their life pretty well together in the past? or does it mean when you're in your 30s is the best time to start partying and throwing caution to the wind? Is your 30s when you first leave home and get a higher education? It's really a really confusing turn of phrase to me. I must be missing context
    - Spooky23 6y ago
      Most people would be married with families by their late 20s. Now many enter into a sort of second childhood and settle down in their 30s or beyond. Hell, I still have some acquaintances from school who are slowly transitioning into the creepy old guy hitting on 24 year olds.
    - ekanes 6y ago
      My take on it is: At whatever age you are, you still feel like there's lots of time ahead of you, because people live longer/can do more/etc.
    - prawn 6y ago
      I've always taken it to be about your peak - when life is at its best. In your 20s, you're generally in good health, maintain a good social network from school or college, active social life, etc. I'm in my early 40s and feel like I have it more together now than in the past: fewer but better friendships, more interesting conversations, more means to do what I want in terms of travel or entertainment.
    - ternaryoperator 6y ago
      In my parents' generation, there was a lot of pressure to have children before 30. There was a widespread belief that giving birth after 30 risked the health of the mother and the child. As medicine advanced and neonatal care greatly improved, that deadline was pushed back and women started to seriously entertain the idea of careers before having children. There are other cultural and societal factors at play, but the greater longevity and better medical care have opened up the time period for the expectations that previous generations had for their 20s.
      - warent 6y ago
        This is interesting because I'm 25 and sometimes worry that I'm going to miss out on the opportunity to start a solid family. It feels so difficult to find anyone my age who wants more than just a fling, and women in their 30s don't even bother with someone my age or they already have kids. From what you're saying, maybe I'm not going to miss out, I'm just thinking about it too soon.
        meheleventyone 6y ago
        Don’t sweat it too much. I feel like my life got a lot more stable in my 30s. I moved countries, met my now wife, bought a house together, had two kids and finally married. Even personally and career wise it’s been a period of stability and growth. I also don’t think you’re thinking about things too soon. We’re all slightly different. Also don’t make decisions for other people by writing them off. Just because they present one way doesn’t make that the sum total of who they are. You’ll need to have relationships in order to meet someone to have kids with.
      - inglor_cz 6y ago
        From a 42 y.o. with 34 y.o. spouse who are undergoing IVF: the drop-off of fertility after 35 is still very real. There may be future interventions that correct for that, but generally, quality of ova starts declining after 30 and much more so after 35.
        lotsofpulp 6y ago
  - dorchadas 6y ago
    I certainly hope so. But man, it's a sinking feeling when so many others seem to have it figured out at an even younger age. And knowing that the clock is ticking to actually go get those figs.
    - SamPatt 6y ago
      Here's a tip: Other people don't have life all figured out yet. They might think they do, but life never unfolds itself according to our plans. Never compare to others. You don't know what they're going through, or what they're going to go through. It took me until my mid 30s to realize just how impossible the idea of "having life figured out" really is.
      - robohoe 6y ago
        Well put. Comparison is a thief of joy.
    - respondo2134 6y ago
      If the purpose of life is the journey to get there, not the destination, how could anyone younger than you have figured it out? Life is the one thing where people will never catch up and pass you.
      - dorchadas 6y ago
        Fair, but I feel the journey is stopped/halted by the crippling student loan debt that will just get worse if I try to change via more education (which is likely, as I want to change countries and it's the easiest way). Really, that might be the worst part of it all, the student loan burden.
- ekanes 6y ago
  46 year old here. Wave I remember feeling like I'd wasted so much time and was irreversibly behind in my twenties. Like, it was all decided. There are so so many figs left. Many many chances ahead of you! That said, time is ticking and while it isn't too late, now is the best time to start!
  - rukuu001 6y ago
    45, same story. It’s never too late.
    - leghifla 6y ago
      It is never too late, but do not let that be an excuse to delay any decision. 42 here, already two major career changes. And I am glad I made both changes.
      - cercatrova 6y ago
        > It is never too late, but do not let that be an excuse to delay any decision. Beautiful, this is the explanation I was looking for because whenever I'd hear that "it's never too late," I just felt like that enabled procrastination, but your explanation solidified that life is not long, but rather it is short indeed. It's true that it's not too late for many of your future opportunities, but eventually, time will run out.
    - 20thCB 6y ago
      52 here, beat that.
  - tunesmith 6y ago
    Yeah, when I was younger I remember feeling like I kept abandoning all my ideas. Years pass, and you realize that the ideas are still there, and it's more like you're rotating between them. Which is kind of a nice way to be. Work on one for a while, set it down, go to the next one, etc.
  - akhilcacharya 6y ago
xvedejas 6y ago
I am just a year younger and also had an unfortunate family death at the end of 2016. I have a lot of the same feelings. My current resolve is to quit my job around the time the pandemic ends, and start taking more risks with how I choose to spend my life. I am lucky to have enough savings at this point to do so. Maybe I'll figure things out a bit better before I hit the big 30. I hope you can find a path that works for you too.
- dorchadas 6y ago
  Yeah, the pandemic is the only reason I'm still in my job currently. I had an option to go do a masters, but I was talking to a recruiter in that country and they mentioned how badly the market had dropped, so I decided to postpone it once again due to wanting stability in a pandemic. Hopefully it'll work out this next year. And I hope you find that path too.
bonniemuffin 6y ago
I executed a major career pivot at age 32 and now that I'm approaching 40, I'm so glad I did. It was hard but worth it. You have plenty of time, as long as you can put aside the feelings that you've waited too long and start looking for a path from your current life to the life you want. Those feelings will only hold you back. Now is a good time to pick a fig and start eating it. :)
- adamredwoods 6y ago
  It's never too late. I was drowning in debt a few years ago, in a bad career, and I was older than 40 [actual age undisclosed]. I don't have a solid retirement, but I'm now doing well and have some peace in my life. My one life advice: Don't search for greatness, search for peace.
  - getlawgdon 6y ago
    I'd also be interested in hearing more.
- IkmoIkmo 6y ago
  Could you share a little more of your story?
MaximumYComb 6y ago
I wasted my 20's and got diagnosed with cancer at 30. It changed my perspective quite a bit and so far my 30's have been the best time of my life.
- SamPatt 6y ago
  Nice job making adversity work for you. Hard to do.
- oivaksef 6y ago
  I would love to hear more
  - MaximumYComb 6y ago
    The initial diagnosis was crap. Add in some surgery and the diagnosis improved dramatically, different type. As far as a cancer diagnosis goes I got off really well in the end. It was the initial stage where I felt I had a death sentence that shifted my outlook on life. When you think you're going to die you re-evaluate some things. I looked at my life, thought about what I'd regret, and made 5 year plans to get things on track. I'm now in the habit of setting plans for 5 years to ensure I don't regret the life I do have.
jjklmn 6y ago
Similar situation here. If you don't mind me asking, what did you study and what's your current job?
- dorchadas 6y ago
  Studied physics with the intent to go to grad school. Realized after graduating I didn't want to do it because of the perverse incentives in academia (I'd still love to do research and get a PhD eventually if I can fund it myself and not be reliant on academia). Worked as a substitute teacher for a year, then in a mortgage bank for a year. Left that to accept a Fulbright grant, which I eventually had to decline because of the death in the family at the worst possible timing. Since then I've been a teacher. Looking at pivoting into finance in Ireland/Europe (with a masters in Quantitative Finance) next year; was planning on doing it this year but, y'know, corona kinda destroyed finance jobs over there and I'd need a work visa (thankfully it's a high need field so it's a bit easier)...

costcopizza 6y ago

I feel the exact same way, and am the exact same age. But we’re 29, not 49 or even 39. There’re still figs on the tree.

abnercoimbre 6y ago
29 and ditto. You know the phrase "30's is the new 20's." There's some truth to it, right?
- warent 6y ago
  I've never really understood what this means. Did people in their 20s have their life pretty well together in the past? or does it mean when you're in your 30s is the best time to start partying and throwing caution to the wind? Is your 30s when you first leave home and get a higher education? It's really a really confusing turn of phrase to me. I must be missing context
  - Spooky23 6y ago
    Most people would be married with families by their late 20s. Now many enter into a sort of second childhood and settle down in their 30s or beyond. Hell, I still have some acquaintances from school who are slowly transitioning into the creepy old guy hitting on 24 year olds.
  - ekanes 6y ago
    My take on it is: At whatever age you are, you still feel like there's lots of time ahead of you, because people live longer/can do more/etc.
  - prawn 6y ago
    I've always taken it to be about your peak - when life is at its best. In your 20s, you're generally in good health, maintain a good social network from school or college, active social life, etc. I'm in my early 40s and feel like I have it more together now than in the past: fewer but better friendships, more interesting conversations, more means to do what I want in terms of travel or entertainment.
  - ternaryoperator 6y ago
    In my parents' generation, there was a lot of pressure to have children before 30. There was a widespread belief that giving birth after 30 risked the health of the mother and the child. As medicine advanced and neonatal care greatly improved, that deadline was pushed back and women started to seriously entertain the idea of careers before having children. There are other cultural and societal factors at play, but the greater longevity and better medical care have opened up the time period for the expectations that previous generations had for their 20s.
    - warent 6y ago
      This is interesting because I'm 25 and sometimes worry that I'm going to miss out on the opportunity to start a solid family. It feels so difficult to find anyone my age who wants more than just a fling, and women in their 30s don't even bother with someone my age or they already have kids. From what you're saying, maybe I'm not going to miss out, I'm just thinking about it too soon.
      - meheleventyone 6y ago
        Don’t sweat it too much. I feel like my life got a lot more stable in my 30s. I moved countries, met my now wife, bought a house together, had two kids and finally married. Even personally and career wise it’s been a period of stability and growth. I also don’t think you’re thinking about things too soon. We’re all slightly different. Also don’t make decisions for other people by writing them off. Just because they present one way doesn’t make that the sum total of who they are. You’ll need to have relationships in order to meet someone to have kids with.
    - inglor_cz 6y ago
      From a 42 y.o. with 34 y.o. spouse who are undergoing IVF: the drop-off of fertility after 35 is still very real. There may be future interventions that correct for that, but generally, quality of ova starts declining after 30 and much more so after 35.
      - lotsofpulp 6y ago
- dorchadas 6y ago
  I certainly hope so. But man, it's a sinking feeling when so many others seem to have it figured out at an even younger age. And knowing that the clock is ticking to actually go get those figs.
  - SamPatt 6y ago
    Here's a tip: Other people don't have life all figured out yet. They might think they do, but life never unfolds itself according to our plans. Never compare to others. You don't know what they're going through, or what they're going to go through. It took me until my mid 30s to realize just how impossible the idea of "having life figured out" really is.
    - robohoe 6y ago
      Well put. Comparison is a thief of joy.
  - respondo2134 6y ago
    If the purpose of life is the journey to get there, not the destination, how could anyone younger than you have figured it out? Life is the one thing where people will never catch up and pass you.
    - dorchadas 6y ago
      Fair, but I feel the journey is stopped/halted by the crippling student loan debt that will just get worse if I try to change via more education (which is likely, as I want to change countries and it's the easiest way). Really, that might be the worst part of it all, the student loan burden.
ekanes 6y ago
46 year old here. Wave I remember feeling like I'd wasted so much time and was irreversibly behind in my twenties. Like, it was all decided. There are so so many figs left. Many many chances ahead of you! That said, time is ticking and while it isn't too late, now is the best time to start!
- rukuu001 6y ago
  45, same story. It’s never too late.
  - leghifla 6y ago
    It is never too late, but do not let that be an excuse to delay any decision. 42 here, already two major career changes. And I am glad I made both changes.
    - cercatrova 6y ago
      > It is never too late, but do not let that be an excuse to delay any decision. Beautiful, this is the explanation I was looking for because whenever I'd hear that "it's never too late," I just felt like that enabled procrastination, but your explanation solidified that life is not long, but rather it is short indeed. It's true that it's not too late for many of your future opportunities, but eventually, time will run out.
  - 20thCB 6y ago
    52 here, beat that.
- tunesmith 6y ago
  Yeah, when I was younger I remember feeling like I kept abandoning all my ideas. Years pass, and you realize that the ideas are still there, and it's more like you're rotating between them. Which is kind of a nice way to be. Work on one for a while, set it down, go to the next one, etc.
- akhilcacharya 6y ago

xvedejas 6y ago

I am just a year younger and also had an unfortunate family death at the end of 2016. I have a lot of the same feelings. My current resolve is to quit my job around the time the pandemic ends, and start taking more risks with how I choose to spend my life. I am lucky to have enough savings at this point to do so. Maybe I'll figure things out a bit better before I hit the big 30. I hope you can find a path that works for you too.

dorchadas 6y ago
Yeah, the pandemic is the only reason I'm still in my job currently. I had an option to go do a masters, but I was talking to a recruiter in that country and they mentioned how badly the market had dropped, so I decided to postpone it once again due to wanting stability in a pandemic. Hopefully it'll work out this next year. And I hope you find that path too.

bonniemuffin 6y ago

I executed a major career pivot at age 32 and now that I'm approaching 40, I'm so glad I did. It was hard but worth it. You have plenty of time, as long as you can put aside the feelings that you've waited too long and start looking for a path from your current life to the life you want. Those feelings will only hold you back. Now is a good time to pick a fig and start eating it. :)

adamredwoods 6y ago
It's never too late. I was drowning in debt a few years ago, in a bad career, and I was older than 40 [actual age undisclosed]. I don't have a solid retirement, but I'm now doing well and have some peace in my life. My one life advice: Don't search for greatness, search for peace.
- getlawgdon 6y ago
  I'd also be interested in hearing more.
IkmoIkmo 6y ago
Could you share a little more of your story?

MaximumYComb 6y ago

I wasted my 20's and got diagnosed with cancer at 30. It changed my perspective quite a bit and so far my 30's have been the best time of my life.

SamPatt 6y ago
Nice job making adversity work for you. Hard to do.
oivaksef 6y ago
I would love to hear more
- MaximumYComb 6y ago
  The initial diagnosis was crap. Add in some surgery and the diagnosis improved dramatically, different type. As far as a cancer diagnosis goes I got off really well in the end. It was the initial stage where I felt I had a death sentence that shifted my outlook on life. When you think you're going to die you re-evaluate some things. I looked at my life, thought about what I'd regret, and made 5 year plans to get things on track. I'm now in the habit of setting plans for 5 years to ensure I don't regret the life I do have.

jjklmn 6y ago

Similar situation here. If you don't mind me asking, what did you study and what's your current job?

dorchadas 6y ago
Studied physics with the intent to go to grad school. Realized after graduating I didn't want to do it because of the perverse incentives in academia (I'd still love to do research and get a PhD eventually if I can fund it myself and not be reliant on academia). Worked as a substitute teacher for a year, then in a mortgage bank for a year. Left that to accept a Fulbright grant, which I eventually had to decline because of the death in the family at the worst possible timing. Since then I've been a teacher. Looking at pivoting into finance in Ireland/Europe (with a masters in Quantitative Finance) next year; was planning on doing it this year but, y'know, corona kinda destroyed finance jobs over there and I'd need a work visa (thankfully it's a high need field so it's a bit easier)...