4 ms·

Much of my life hasn't played out how I expected. I had dreams like many people in high school and none of them came true. Instead of finishing college I joined

by kodah 6y ago

Much of my life hasn't played out how I expected. I had dreams like many people in high school and none of them came true. Instead of finishing college I joined the military after the stock market collapse in 2008/9. Impressions were left on me throughout my early life that I only came to know as an adult. My family got sick, I ruined the relationship that I'd worked for, and at times I alienated people close to me out of my own sense of self-defense. I pushed myself to the brink repeatedly. My twenties were filled with stress, frustration, confusion, and at times anger. These things taught me acceptance and forgiveness of both myself and others. Looking back, I would not trade them for an easier or more prestigious life. When I came back from Afghanistan I had to scratch, claw, and climb a ladder without a degree thanks in much part to people who saw in me what I could only hoped to have seen in myself. I looked around me when I arrived and I saw Ivy League and top school graduates with multi-million dollar homes, Teslas, and their own literal fig trees in their back yards that complained about everything in life. I've now had the opportunity to live in multiple cultures with varying degrees of prosperity. These things taught me to know my value but to have perspective on what I'm really asking for. Here I am considering selling all my belongings, buying a truck and an RV to go embrace the new open road that is remote work. Life isn't about looking back. It isn't even about getting what you want. It's about navigating the road in front of you and making the best of the opportunities in front of you and for everyone around you. All that to say, I've embraced the idea that whatever lies ahead is where I'm supposed to be and I needn't look at what my neighbors value or what they have because I don't care. This life is mine to live.

AYBABTME 6y ago
I've had a very strangely similar path, however I still haven't given up on my teenage dreams: call me delusional! I like to think the military gave me the will strength to push until I get some (imperfect) version of what I want, and not let setbacks paint my forward outlook too much. I'd agree with your conclusion and encourage you to sell everything and go have fun.
- kodah 6y ago
  I haven't given up, I'm still here, still working in software. I'm just doing it my way now, with some new priorities, I suppose. The military is a complex subject for me and my friends. There are good things I can say and there are awful things I can say. Regardless, I will always be proud of what I did and accomplished in that time. It makes me proud you've made something of post-service life though, veterans will always hold a special place in my mind.
- tailspin2019 6y ago
  You're not delusional
pram 6y ago
This isn't as uncommon a path as you might believe. I was enlisted in the USAF from 2005-2010, spent months and months Iraq and Afghanistan etc. I have a $500k house with a literal fig tree in my backyard now. I don't assume people in my position or better had an easier time just because they went to college. One of my best friends is a Physics PhD from an Ivy League and he's a complete wreck so, it doesn't necessarily guarantee anything in particular lol
- kodah 6y ago
  I have a hard time believing that a computer scientist or engineer from a top school will not have an easier time gaining admittance into software engineering than someone not. Anyone not will always have a proverbial hill to climb. I would agree that continued success has diminishing returns from a degree. This is often the argument for designing interviews that reflect real world work. That said, my point was really that if you can afford a house with a fig tree in Silicon Valley then in some way your stars aligned and to see people unhappy over frivolous things was an enlightening experience that taught me something. My stars didn't align, until they did, and I had to learn to appreciate that. It doesn't mean those people didn't need to overcome adversity or have a story worth listening to or admiring. > This isn't as uncommon a path as you might believe. I was enlisted in the USAF from 2005-2010, spent months and months Iraq and Afghanistan etc. I'd be interested in knowing the statistics on veterans in Silicon Valley and tech in general. I've met some, but I wouldn't call it common. I might agree that it's somewhere between common and uncommon, but who knows? If these statistics are collected they are not published or widely disseminated. When I usually meet veterans they're not enlisted, they're officers. The most public activity I've seen is a group at Google that has 2,000 members, I do not know how many of those work in engineering roles. That said, I'm happy to fanboy one of my favorite authors and Silicon Valley veterans: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nathaniel_Fick https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nathaniel_Fick
  - tailspin2019 6y ago
    > I have a hard time believing that a computer scientist or engineer from a top school will not have an easier time gaining admittance into software engineering than someone not. I think you both may be right. I would imagine that the formal education makes it a bit easier to "get your foot in the door" in the first place, when you're competing "on paper" with others. But once you are in the industry, performance and track record counts for a lot more. In other words the degree probably does make it easier. But it might be only 20% easier and perhaps not 80-90% as some might assume. Depends on your chosen specialisation too of course. I managed to pick a career in just the right area of software development where I could get away with having had a pitiful amount of education :-)
tailspin2019 6y ago
I think we're a similar age. Based on this comment I wish I had half the wisdom that you do. > My twenties were filled with stress, frustration, confusion, and at times anger. Similar for me, but like you, I'm a different (I think better) person as a result, so it's difficult to wish I'd had an easier time. > ...climb a ladder without a degree thanks in much part to people who saw in me what I could only hoped to have seen in myself. I will be forever grateful to the people I had in my life that did this for me too. I've been exceptionally lucky in this respect. > Here I am considering selling all my belongings, buying a truck and an RV to go embrace the new open road that is remote work. This sounds awesome. Good luck!!
gfxgirl 6y ago
Obviously if you think digital nomad live is for you then go for it. For me I want friends and companionship. My experience is that's not what nomads get. Friends requires you to be near by and spend time when them else they drift way. Sure you can keep in touch online but you won't really be a part of their life nor them a part of yours if you're not there to share your life with them. The same goes for a long term companion unless by some luck of the draw you manage to find someone that can join your open ride lifestyle. Some people don't need that. I do which I learned the hard way.
- monkeynotes 6y ago
  If you are young enough there is time for a year or two on the road and time after to settle and build relationships.
- redisman 6y ago
  Depends too. If you’ve moved around a bunch already then your friends are probably scattered around and you don’t get to see them much. If you’re RVing around maybe you’ll see them more

by kodah 6y ago

AYBABTME 6y ago

I've had a very strangely similar path, however I still haven't given up on my teenage dreams: call me delusional! I like to think the military gave me the will strength to push until I get some (imperfect) version of what I want, and not let setbacks paint my forward outlook too much. I'd agree with your conclusion and encourage you to sell everything and go have fun.

kodah 6y ago
I haven't given up, I'm still here, still working in software. I'm just doing it my way now, with some new priorities, I suppose. The military is a complex subject for me and my friends. There are good things I can say and there are awful things I can say. Regardless, I will always be proud of what I did and accomplished in that time. It makes me proud you've made something of post-service life though, veterans will always hold a special place in my mind.
tailspin2019 6y ago
You're not delusional

pram 6y ago

This isn't as uncommon a path as you might believe. I was enlisted in the USAF from 2005-2010, spent months and months Iraq and Afghanistan etc. I have a $500k house with a literal fig tree in my backyard now. I don't assume people in my position or better had an easier time just because they went to college. One of my best friends is a Physics PhD from an Ivy League and he's a complete wreck so, it doesn't necessarily guarantee anything in particular lol

kodah 6y ago
I have a hard time believing that a computer scientist or engineer from a top school will not have an easier time gaining admittance into software engineering than someone not. Anyone not will always have a proverbial hill to climb. I would agree that continued success has diminishing returns from a degree. This is often the argument for designing interviews that reflect real world work. That said, my point was really that if you can afford a house with a fig tree in Silicon Valley then in some way your stars aligned and to see people unhappy over frivolous things was an enlightening experience that taught me something. My stars didn't align, until they did, and I had to learn to appreciate that. It doesn't mean those people didn't need to overcome adversity or have a story worth listening to or admiring. > This isn't as uncommon a path as you might believe. I was enlisted in the USAF from 2005-2010, spent months and months Iraq and Afghanistan etc. I'd be interested in knowing the statistics on veterans in Silicon Valley and tech in general. I've met some, but I wouldn't call it common. I might agree that it's somewhere between common and uncommon, but who knows? If these statistics are collected they are not published or widely disseminated. When I usually meet veterans they're not enlisted, they're officers. The most public activity I've seen is a group at Google that has 2,000 members, I do not know how many of those work in engineering roles. That said, I'm happy to fanboy one of my favorite authors and Silicon Valley veterans: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nathaniel_Fick https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nathaniel_Fick
- tailspin2019 6y ago
  > I have a hard time believing that a computer scientist or engineer from a top school will not have an easier time gaining admittance into software engineering than someone not. I think you both may be right. I would imagine that the formal education makes it a bit easier to "get your foot in the door" in the first place, when you're competing "on paper" with others. But once you are in the industry, performance and track record counts for a lot more. In other words the degree probably does make it easier. But it might be only 20% easier and perhaps not 80-90% as some might assume. Depends on your chosen specialisation too of course. I managed to pick a career in just the right area of software development where I could get away with having had a pitiful amount of education :-)

tailspin2019 6y ago

I think we're a similar age. Based on this comment I wish I had half the wisdom that you do. > My twenties were filled with stress, frustration, confusion, and at times anger. Similar for me, but like you, I'm a different (I think better) person as a result, so it's difficult to wish I'd had an easier time. > ...climb a ladder without a degree thanks in much part to people who saw in me what I could only hoped to have seen in myself. I will be forever grateful to the people I had in my life that did this for me too. I've been exceptionally lucky in this respect. > Here I am considering selling all my belongings, buying a truck and an RV to go embrace the new open road that is remote work. This sounds awesome. Good luck!!

gfxgirl 6y ago

Obviously if you think digital nomad live is for you then go for it. For me I want friends and companionship. My experience is that's not what nomads get. Friends requires you to be near by and spend time when them else they drift way. Sure you can keep in touch online but you won't really be a part of their life nor them a part of yours if you're not there to share your life with them. The same goes for a long term companion unless by some luck of the draw you manage to find someone that can join your open ride lifestyle. Some people don't need that. I do which I learned the hard way.

monkeynotes 6y ago
If you are young enough there is time for a year or two on the road and time after to settle and build relationships.
redisman 6y ago
Depends too. If you’ve moved around a bunch already then your friends are probably scattered around and you don’t get to see them much. If you’re RVing around maybe you’ll see them more