4 ms·

I agree intent counts. You start by saying "You might be seeing sexism where there is none.". To me, our comments are summarized with: You: "it might not be se

I agree intent counts. You start by saying "You might be seeing sexism where there is none.". To me, our comments are summarized with: You: "it might not be sexism because people often assume heterosexuality, but the statement could apply to a partner of any gender" Me: "well then that's heterosexist" You: People can make the heterosexual assumption without bad intentions, so it's not heterosexist either" And that is true only for a narrow definition of sexism and heterosexism. Do you want to give a different name to the assumption that people are straight? Do you want to give a different name to the assumption that someone's wife isn't on board with his technical pursuits? I already have a name for those patterns, heterosexism and sexism, and I can grasp the nuances and subtleties of different forms. What is YOUR intent? To reserve those words for cases where there is ill intent?

forty 6y ago
Ah I had never heard "heterosexism", I learned a new word. I just checked a bunch of definitions, and I would now use "heterocentrism" for presumption of heterosexuallity - it's possible to presume that without thinking it's the norm, but just because in practice in many places it's more common. Just like when I hear someone named Daniel(le) I assume it's a man because I know more man Daniel than woman, but I do not think there is anything wrong or abnormal with a woman named that way. So yes I would kind of reserve sexism (or heterosexism now) for cases when the remark carries some negativity related to a given gender (or sexual orientation). And I still stick with my original impression that OP did not carry any negativity towards women (at least we can fairly give them "reasonable doubt"), but that they were just making a joke about living with someone else in general. Sorry for the long thread and I hope I have not offended you. I'm always interested in having other points of views so I like this kind of discussion. Also English is not my native language, so there might have been things lost in translation.

forty 6y ago

Ah I had never heard "heterosexism", I learned a new word. I just checked a bunch of definitions, and I would now use "heterocentrism" for presumption of heterosexuallity - it's possible to presume that without thinking it's the norm, but just because in practice in many places it's more common. Just like when I hear someone named Daniel(le) I assume it's a man because I know more man Daniel than woman, but I do not think there is anything wrong or abnormal with a woman named that way. So yes I would kind of reserve sexism (or heterosexism now) for cases when the remark carries some negativity related to a given gender (or sexual orientation). And I still stick with my original impression that OP did not carry any negativity towards women (at least we can fairly give them "reasonable doubt"), but that they were just making a joke about living with someone else in general. Sorry for the long thread and I hope I have not offended you. I'm always interested in having other points of views so I like this kind of discussion. Also English is not my native language, so there might have been things lost in translation.