3 ms·
>Basically you have to learn to express emotions in the right way, and to the right people, at the right time. > a huge part of it was just a fundamental misre
by mnsc 6y ago
>Basically you have to learn to express emotions in the right way, and to the right people, at the right time.
> a huge part of it was just a fundamental misread
I think you are on to something in the first part about you yourself learning stuff but in the last part you just put the burden of those around you.
My take is that men in general lack training in identifying/naming their own feelings/emotions. Then when you are experiencing some tough negative emotions you can't express/talk about them and then your secondary emotions come in from this frustration. What emotion that is is personal but often men will go to anger, "it's think it's this thing that is causing me pain so that thing is bad/stupid/wrong" but all along it was your own feelings coming from your own unmet needs that you could have handled yourself if you just had could have named and reasoned about them.
- roflc0ptic 6y agoYou're rather jumping to unfounded conclusions. I can assure you that I communicated directly and clearly what my emotional state was, why I was behaving the way I was behaving, and actively tried to avoid inflicting my feelings on other people by being non-expressive. An example of an action I took that one person considered "aggressive" and "abusive": There were three couches, shaped in a U configuration. Ex and friends were sitting on one couch. Someone else invited me over to sit on another couch. I came over, sat quietly for about 60 seocnds, decided, you know, I'd rather be somewhere else, and walked away. This isn't to say I bear no responsibility in how things played out, but the bits I'm disclosing here, even in context, are wild misunderstandings, and when I explained myself I was met with distrust and suspicion. We were in a rental cabin; physical proximity was unavoidable. It wasn't even clearly distressing to my ex, just her white knight friend.
- mnsc 6y agoYeah I don't know your situation, although it sound like an intense one, so my observation was more a general one. But you also don't and didn't know the situation of the others in that cabin so your interpretation of how "they misread you" not true either. Maybe that "white knight" was worried that you would get in the way of him getting it on with your ex, maybe scared of not measuring up to you, but couldn't navigate those feelings and acted aggressively towards you by intentionally misreading you. My guess is as good as yours...