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In my experience, being kind results in self-interested people taking advantage of you. People who want to climb the corporate ladder often prey on the kind, so

In my experience, being kind results in self-interested people taking advantage of you. People who want to climb the corporate ladder often prey on the kind, so I feel that kindness is "taught out" of people. There is a fine line between being kind and being a doormat. I don't really know where the line is though.

xyzelement 6y ago
I made a similar comment above but it's -all about- that line. AKA boundaries. If you are clear on what's OK with you and what's not OK, then you are liberated to be kind and generous as long as people are on the OK side. If that line is blurry, you end up oscillating between doormat and asshole and it's just an unhealthy place (speaking from past experience.)
- anonytrary 6y ago
  Same, definitely have come off as an asshole saying "no" before. Saying "no" is an art, indeed, easier when you know where that line is.
  - xyzelement 6y ago
    What you're saying is very true but just to clarify I meant something else. When you don't have boundaries, you are constantly expecting to be transgressed upon, so half the time you let people do it and other half of the time you tell them to fuck off when it would have been fine to help them. That's what I mean by asshole. What you're talking about is a healthy no. And I agree there are good ways and bad ways to say it, and you're right that being clear on your boundaries enables the good way - can be as simple as "I am sorry, I am just not comfortable with that."
Taylor_OD 6y ago
It sounds like there is a mistake in this tread about what being kind is. Being kind doesnt mean being agreeable to any idea and doing things for other people. If someone if asking you to do something you cant do you have the option of kindly telling them you cant do it or telling them you cant do it in a rude or mean way. It takes effort to be kind.
UncleMeat 6y ago
> In my experience, being kind results in self-interested people taking advantage of you. That's okay. Sometimes you are taken advantage of. Sometimes your kindness truly helps improve another person's life. Sometimes your kindness returns to you amplified. Risk minimization isn't always the best strategy. It can be okay for things to not work every time.

xyzelement 6y ago

I made a similar comment above but it's -all about- that line. AKA boundaries. If you are clear on what's OK with you and what's not OK, then you are liberated to be kind and generous as long as people are on the OK side. If that line is blurry, you end up oscillating between doormat and asshole and it's just an unhealthy place (speaking from past experience.)

anonytrary 6y ago
Same, definitely have come off as an asshole saying "no" before. Saying "no" is an art, indeed, easier when you know where that line is.
- xyzelement 6y ago
  What you're saying is very true but just to clarify I meant something else. When you don't have boundaries, you are constantly expecting to be transgressed upon, so half the time you let people do it and other half of the time you tell them to fuck off when it would have been fine to help them. That's what I mean by asshole. What you're talking about is a healthy no. And I agree there are good ways and bad ways to say it, and you're right that being clear on your boundaries enables the good way - can be as simple as "I am sorry, I am just not comfortable with that."

Taylor_OD 6y ago

It sounds like there is a mistake in this tread about what being kind is. Being kind doesnt mean being agreeable to any idea and doing things for other people. If someone if asking you to do something you cant do you have the option of kindly telling them you cant do it or telling them you cant do it in a rude or mean way. It takes effort to be kind.

UncleMeat 6y ago

> In my experience, being kind results in self-interested people taking advantage of you. That's okay. Sometimes you are taken advantage of. Sometimes your kindness truly helps improve another person's life. Sometimes your kindness returns to you amplified. Risk minimization isn't always the best strategy. It can be okay for things to not work every time.