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I tend to be very direct day to day. I think kindness doesn’t have to be in personal interactions, especially in a business context. I’m perfectly polite, but a

I tend to be very direct day to day. I think kindness doesn’t have to be in personal interactions, especially in a business context. I’m perfectly polite, but also very honest. I still use empathy to understand where people are coming from. You have to learn to give unconditionally without becoming a doormat. It’s tricky. I think you have to be purposeful with how you give to others. I also help people out and do my best to be kind in my private life (charity, supporting local food banks, etc). I think you can generalize this kindness is healthy thing way to far. For me the reward is helping people and making their lives better. In a business context I think your examples are very different from the more intrinsically rewarding giving and kindness.

chefandy 6y ago
>I think kindness doesn’t have to be in personal interactions, especially in a business context. I’m perfectly polite, but also very honest. To be frank, I find the ratio of people who actually do that to people who think they do that but are really using it as an excuse for not exercising their interpersonal skills is 1:1000. I've known many people that called themselves brutally honest, but with the exception of one particular manager I can recall, it always ended up being an excuse to feel powerful by shocking people with a brazen lack of tact while the truth of the statement, even if occasionally beneficial, was incidental. Who knows... maybe you're the 1 out of the 1000. The tone of what you wrote sounds more reasonable than what many others have expressed in that vein, so I'm inclined to think so, but it'a hard to tell without having universally accepted bounds to words like kindness, politeness, and honesty. That said, doing good deeds and not directly insulting people we deal with doesn't absolve us from a the basic social necessity to treat other people with compassion and humanity. For that reason, whenever I encounter anyone that touts their honesty at the expense of kindness, I generally consider it a tacit admission that they have some serious work to do on their interpersonal skills and don't realize it.
- bitexploder 6y ago
  I have been managing people for many years now. It’s a hard balance, but I always start from a place of empathy. I find it easy to be empathetic first and then lay out then business/situational needs. We don’t do brutal honesty, just gentle honesty. When people are brutally honest they just use it as cover for being an asshole. I am probably not being clear about what I think about kindness, it’s a subtle point. Even kindness overdone can be patronizing.
  - chefandy 6y ago
    Great! Keep at it, then!
    - bitexploder 6y ago
      Thanks. I wish text could convey the attachment of emotions experienced when writing it. I deeply care about the humans I work with. At the same time, I have experienced what happens when you try to sugar coat things too much in the guise of kindness. You literally cheat people of their opportunity to improve. At the same time, getting the best out of people as a manager means balancing truth and emotion. It’s a very, very human thing. I just try to remember we are all humans blasting through time as only humans can. It’s worked well so far. As long as you can truly meet another person, its hard to be crass and ignore their perspective

chefandy 6y ago

>I think kindness doesn’t have to be in personal interactions, especially in a business context. I’m perfectly polite, but also very honest. To be frank, I find the ratio of people who actually do that to people who think they do that but are really using it as an excuse for not exercising their interpersonal skills is 1:1000. I've known many people that called themselves brutally honest, but with the exception of one particular manager I can recall, it always ended up being an excuse to feel powerful by shocking people with a brazen lack of tact while the truth of the statement, even if occasionally beneficial, was incidental. Who knows... maybe you're the 1 out of the 1000. The tone of what you wrote sounds more reasonable than what many others have expressed in that vein, so I'm inclined to think so, but it'a hard to tell without having universally accepted bounds to words like kindness, politeness, and honesty. That said, doing good deeds and not directly insulting people we deal with doesn't absolve us from a the basic social necessity to treat other people with compassion and humanity. For that reason, whenever I encounter anyone that touts their honesty at the expense of kindness, I generally consider it a tacit admission that they have some serious work to do on their interpersonal skills and don't realize it.

bitexploder 6y ago
I have been managing people for many years now. It’s a hard balance, but I always start from a place of empathy. I find it easy to be empathetic first and then lay out then business/situational needs. We don’t do brutal honesty, just gentle honesty. When people are brutally honest they just use it as cover for being an asshole. I am probably not being clear about what I think about kindness, it’s a subtle point. Even kindness overdone can be patronizing.
- chefandy 6y ago
  Great! Keep at it, then!
  - bitexploder 6y ago
    Thanks. I wish text could convey the attachment of emotions experienced when writing it. I deeply care about the humans I work with. At the same time, I have experienced what happens when you try to sugar coat things too much in the guise of kindness. You literally cheat people of their opportunity to improve. At the same time, getting the best out of people as a manager means balancing truth and emotion. It’s a very, very human thing. I just try to remember we are all humans blasting through time as only humans can. It’s worked well so far. As long as you can truly meet another person, its hard to be crass and ignore their perspective