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> they start trying to "game" me. Can you elaborate on it? I don't have much experience interacting with people.

ChrisMarshallNY 6y ago
It can take many forms. Folks each have their own "schtick," but it's what they are after that matters. 1) Money 2) Property They want me to give them money or goods. 3) Prestige They want me to feed a need for prestige. This can be as simple as agreeing with them in public, an endorsement or referral, or a requirement for some kind of submissive fawning. I started to write up a detailed description of how this can happen, but realized that this is probably not the best venue for that. Suffice it to say that I have spent my entire adult life amongst some very aggressive and manipulative people, and keeping a good relationship with them, while gently enforcing personal boundaries, has always been a challenge. For me, I have a personal ethical code that revolves around rigorous personal and "cash register" Honesty, as well as Integrity.
- ohyes 6y ago
  > I have spent my entire adult life amongst some very aggressive and manipulative people, and keeping a good relationship with them, while gently enforcing personal boundaries, has always been a challenge. Okay, I’ll bite, why would you keep people like this around you? It sounds unpleasant.
  - rhencke 6y ago
    You don't always get a choice.
  - flowerbeater 6y ago
    In my life, this was an aggressive employee we hired who was not performing but also passive-aggressive to everyone, and at the beginning we were obligated to give them the benefit of the doubt (due to their explanations that they're struggling with the pandemic, civil unrest, family emergency, elections). Then even after gathering evidence of their poor performing, they will just keep arguing their case, and would protest to everyone who will listen, and pit people against each other. They will claim they never knew those things were their responsibilities, that they were working hard on it, and that they were just about to address the performance issues, etc.
  - ChrisMarshallNY 6y ago
    I’ve spent most of my life as a member of an extracurricular organization that has “helping others” as a Principal plank in its platform. Most folks that need help aren’t “pinkie-extended Earl Grey drinkers.” Can be a rough lot. But I have an amazing bevy of really deep friendships and relationships with folks that I would never had met, otherwise. Totally worth it.
- rhencke 6y ago
  I have a book I'd like to recommend, that has helped me, in growing up around aggressive and manipulative people, learn to both identify these behaviors in others as well as learn tools for calmly and clearly enforcing personal boundaries, even in the face of the other side throwing temper tantrums or bullying. Can send it to your contact info, if it's something that'd interest you.
  - iamcreasy 6y ago
    I'd like to read it. Is there any way for you to post the book information anonymously?
    - vincentmarle 6y ago
      I am interested too, why is the title of a book so secretive?
      - rhencke 6y ago
        It's really just I didn't want to pull things into a discussion about someone's personal life.
    - rhencke 6y ago
      I couldn't think of one so instead I'll just go with obfuscation. (it's ISBN 1432763962)

It can take many forms. Folks each have their own "schtick," but it's what they are after that matters. 1) Money 2) Property They want me to give them money or goods. 3) Prestige They want me to feed a need for prestige. This can be as simple as agreeing with them in public, an endorsement or referral, or a requirement for some kind of submissive fawning. I started to write up a detailed description of how this can happen, but realized that this is probably not the best venue for that. Suffice it to say that I have spent my entire adult life amongst some very aggressive and manipulative people, and keeping a good relationship with them, while gently enforcing personal boundaries, has always been a challenge. For me, I have a personal ethical code that revolves around rigorous personal and "cash register" Honesty, as well as Integrity.

ohyes 6y ago
> I have spent my entire adult life amongst some very aggressive and manipulative people, and keeping a good relationship with them, while gently enforcing personal boundaries, has always been a challenge. Okay, I’ll bite, why would you keep people like this around you? It sounds unpleasant.
- rhencke 6y ago
  You don't always get a choice.
- flowerbeater 6y ago
  In my life, this was an aggressive employee we hired who was not performing but also passive-aggressive to everyone, and at the beginning we were obligated to give them the benefit of the doubt (due to their explanations that they're struggling with the pandemic, civil unrest, family emergency, elections). Then even after gathering evidence of their poor performing, they will just keep arguing their case, and would protest to everyone who will listen, and pit people against each other. They will claim they never knew those things were their responsibilities, that they were working hard on it, and that they were just about to address the performance issues, etc.
- ChrisMarshallNY 6y ago
  I’ve spent most of my life as a member of an extracurricular organization that has “helping others” as a Principal plank in its platform. Most folks that need help aren’t “pinkie-extended Earl Grey drinkers.” Can be a rough lot. But I have an amazing bevy of really deep friendships and relationships with folks that I would never had met, otherwise. Totally worth it.
rhencke 6y ago
I have a book I'd like to recommend, that has helped me, in growing up around aggressive and manipulative people, learn to both identify these behaviors in others as well as learn tools for calmly and clearly enforcing personal boundaries, even in the face of the other side throwing temper tantrums or bullying. Can send it to your contact info, if it's something that'd interest you.
- iamcreasy 6y ago
  I'd like to read it. Is there any way for you to post the book information anonymously?
  - vincentmarle 6y ago
    I am interested too, why is the title of a book so secretive?
    - rhencke 6y ago
      It's really just I didn't want to pull things into a discussion about someone's personal life.
  - rhencke 6y ago
    I couldn't think of one so instead I'll just go with obfuscation. (it's ISBN 1432763962)