5 ms·

Well, yes, no, and maybe. It depends on the giver and on the receiver; and therefore how healthy the relationship/exchange is. Let me explain: * if the recei

Well, yes, no, and maybe. It depends on the giver and on the receiver; and therefore how healthy the relationship/exchange is. Let me explain: * if the receiver is a narcissist/sociopath, for starter they won't value the "gift" received, nothing will ever be enough, and they always seem to attract plenty fo givers * if the giver had the disease to please whereas their own worth is depended on being told "good job" or similar, it will eventually deteriorate since in the mind of the giver, what they give will always be > what they receive and won't end well. * Then there's victimhood chic, where people feel that they need help on everything 24/7 and becomes a co-dependent relationship between them and - slowly but steadily - the entire world; and rapidly reaches a point of impasse since the needs keep escalating and the help keep diminishing Buddha had the 4-part solution: 1. Help yourself 2. Climb a mountain, tell nobody 3. More suffering is needed 4. The enemy is a wonderful teacher

dqv 6y ago
OK thank you. I'm glad I'm not the only one who immediately realized that kindness is very easily exploited by the wrong people. I find it grating because my disposition of being kind gets me in situations where people try to exploit their perception of my kindness. There is this implication of "so you want me to think you're nice? well do this for me and I will." When it turns transactional like that - where their assumption is that I'm being kind to get something (because maybe that's how they interact - by being kind to get things), I feel like I have no choice but to switch to a very serious tone. Then comes the "you're not being very nice" which is the intent: I don't want them to think I'm being nice for personal gain. This is all very cynical and I really need to work on it, but it's a knee jerk response to what seems like slimy behavior. >1. Help yourself >2. Climb a mountain, tell nobody >3. More suffering is needed >4. The enemy is a wonderful teacher I love wisdom like this - is there anything that talks about this in depth or is it more of a proverb only?

dqv 6y ago

OK thank you. I'm glad I'm not the only one who immediately realized that kindness is very easily exploited by the wrong people. I find it grating because my disposition of being kind gets me in situations where people try to exploit their perception of my kindness. There is this implication of "so you want me to think you're nice? well do this for me and I will." When it turns transactional like that - where their assumption is that I'm being kind to get something (because maybe that's how they interact - by being kind to get things), I feel like I have no choice but to switch to a very serious tone. Then comes the "you're not being very nice" which is the intent: I don't want them to think I'm being nice for personal gain. This is all very cynical and I really need to work on it, but it's a knee jerk response to what seems like slimy behavior. >1. Help yourself >2. Climb a mountain, tell nobody >3. More suffering is needed >4. The enemy is a wonderful teacher I love wisdom like this - is there anything that talks about this in depth or is it more of a proverb only?